Stuck With A Toxic/Abusive Partner? We’re here for you.

I posted about this before but I really need to vent so here I am again. I'm stuck in an awful marriage and I don't know how to get out. My situation is extremely rare (I think). I'm not a U.S. citizen or greencard holder yet. I've already submitted the paperwork.

My husband is mentally and verbally abusive. He's also an habitual liar. He has been living a whole other life behind my back and he has been lying to me for 4 years we've been together. I can't leave because we have a baby together and if I leave, I'll be without status. I left my home country as a baby so I don't have family there or know anything about living isn't that country since I was little. It's a foreign land to me. But my mental health is shot and I feel like I'm losing my mind staying with this man. He has over 100k in debt that I'm just finding out. He bought two vehicles behind my back. Both are repoed now. Credit cards maxed out. He applied for insurance under my name and social the other day and didn't tell me about it. Till I'm seeing a bill came in the mail for me. This is insane. My pastor is telling me that God doesn't like divorce etc and I would be sinning against God if I walked away. My son would also be another black kid being added to the statistic of being raised in a broken home. I hate myself so much for marrying this idiot.

So question, ladies… My husband is really trying hard to be better for me and child on the way. BUT he has anger issues and when he gets angry he can be pretty verbally abusive. Some times more than others. Any ways, last few times we argue in person he was saying how he was so angry with me and telling me why (bcz I wasn’t handling certain money aspects to his liking or how we discussed previously) During him letting his mouth run in anger he stated that he wanted to just kick me in the head. In the other argument he said something similar. I didn’t mention it bcz he gets anxious about me leaving him. But we were having a conversation last night and I mentioned it. He denied it saying that he would never say that, that he would never say something like that. I’m really struggling in my mind bcz I know I didn’t imagine it. And I can’t imagine what else he could have said to where I heard him say something like this in two separate arguments. But he is denying it and I’m laughing it off so it doesn’t become a deal. I’m really not comfortable thinking about us raising a child together knowing his anger will have us in arguments and he’ll be disrespecting me on a regular basis. He’s been trying hard and been sweet lately but I know what happens when the anger comes around

I am so tired of having to put everyone above myself when he can do shit. My food gets cold because I have to feed her even though he is done eating. I get blamed for being "lazy" because I am a SAHM by him! He told me to quit my job because it was what was best for us. He won't change diapers or clean up a mess after her or himself. Won't give baths. Wants me to do shit for him even though I'm eating but that stuff has to be done NOW.

If I want to go out for an hour he won't watch her because I'm not making money. But if he goes out and gets drunk with friends and doesn't come back until 2 in the morning, it's okay. He makes me feel bad for eating the food we have so my mom gives me food I can eat for lunch during the week. We have the money for moonshine every weekend for him and a vape every week. A coffee every morning. But I can't anything? Not even small? I have to save change from the laundry just so I can get a little something for me.

I'm so tired of my fiance treating me like a maid 😒 he keeps bringing up how he works all day and I just "sit on my phone and be lazy". He wanted me to quit my job. It was the best for our situation. But he keeps saying stuff like that when I ask him to help me with one simple thing.

He says that if I don't want him to pee on the toilet seat, then my job is to put it up for him. He makes a mess with cooking or throwing his clothes all over the house but since he works all day I can clean up his messes. No. I'm not his mom. Not a maid. I'm a mother who takes care of our daughter all day. I do laundry, dishes, and when I cook I clean up my mess. I don't ever get any help and he makes it worse on my end. And after having to clean up after him like he is a child while running around with an actual child, he wants sex.

Does he hurt you when you have sex? Like no matter how much you are crying or whimpering or saying you are hurting, he doesn't stop? Sex has started to hurt since right before I had my baby. My body is always hurting and I don't want to have sex. It doesn't enjoy me just hurts me. But he also doesn't try to make it enjoyable. It's all about him..