21 months olds clear favouritism driving a wedge between partner and I

Hiya, our son is 21 months old and since just before he turned 1 he’s shown very clear favouritism towards his dad. He always wants his dad to do everything for him, whenever his dad is around I can’t even go near him without him having a melt down. He pushes me away, smacks me in the face, cries and reaches out to his dad when I try to pick him up etc. when it’s just him and me during the week he’s all over me and very affectionate towards me, but on weekends and evenings, I can’t go near him. It’s been nearly a year of this and I’m feeling really hurt by it now. I feel as though it’s driving a wedge between my partner and I because I get annoyed as I feel the reason for this is because my partner always gives our son whatever he wants, even if I’ve said no. Or if I’ve told him off/ not to do something he goes straight to daddy and daddy picks him up and comforts him. I just feel like I’m so left out all the time and as if it’s them two against me almost, which is so silly I know. I’m always ‘the bad guy’ and I feel like maybe if my partner actually pitched in with some discipline and it wasn’t just me being the bad guy all the time, maybe this wouldn’t be the case. I also feel like my partner undermines me all the time and doesn’t stick by what I’ve said, so our son knows he can just get away with anything with daddy. Am I wrong for feeling this? I’m so sick of it now, it’s been the most awful Mother’s Day ☹️💔 my son has barely come near me and my partner and I have argued! He thinks I’m just being pathetic and is so unsympathetic towards the situation, thinks he’s doing nothing wrong, in fact I actually think he enjoys that’s he’s the very clear favourite!

Read more on Peanut

The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.

Learn more about our guidelines.

Add a comment

I wouldn't say you're wrong because your feelings are completely valid but I would also say it's completely normal behaviours for your son, as you said your husband is home evening and weekends so your the primary carer which means your partner is almost like a novelty when he's home...i don't think it helps your partner playing down your feelings he needs to understand feelings are real whether accurate or not and he needs to make sure when it comes to decision making you are both on the same page

So your little one is clever! Of course he’s going to go to the parent who doesn’t discipline! When he’s gone to bed tonight have a nice calm chat with your partner and just explain it clearly and the effect it’s having!
Also I think from what you said above your the default parent? (So look after little one more often?). I work 2 days and have my little girl the rest of the time, the excitement my girl had when daddy comes home, I never get that as I’m always there haha!! Xx

in our community

NHS job

Anyone work for the NHS and does 12 hour shifts? How do you work around childcare and your partners job?

He has no respect for anything to do with me.

Husband and I decided to separate 3 days ago. I've been sleeping on the floor in the kids room, and we both have to stay in the same apartment for a while. He wont stop pushing little things and I am reaching my limit. Photos in comments

Toddlers

How often are your toddlers asking for food? My oldest who is 3 just finished a whole plate of food and not even 10 minutes later he’s requesting more food. I know he’s going through a growth spurt, but how do you respond to this.

Is this normal?

Is it just my husband that does this? He is able to work from home via his computer and in the mornings and evenings he is on there doing his job. When he is done for the day he tends to stay in the room and either play video games or watch something. He will occasionally come out and play with the girls for a few minutes and that’s it but when I really need him he says he is busy. My daughters are both 1 year old now and I am just wondering how much involvement should he have with them now?
Idk if this is the norm or not…..

Identity crisis?

Am I the only sahm who feels like they have lost their identity??? I don’t make money for my family, when I used to make great money. But I refuse to drop my under a year old baby off with strangers.
My husband works so much. But I have no control over bringing in money and I’m a control freak type of person! I feel l like I’m losing my grip because we are kind of broke, but day care would only eat up my income anyways! So what’s the point. I’m a workaholic and now I’m just a twitching bum.
I wish I could work from home but so far that’s a fake dream. I’m almost 9 months pp, and I just need to know these awful mood swings and depression will end soon! Send wine!

Saying NO to buying toys etc

5 year old is getting really envious of others. He is obsessed with items that other kids have at school. I am pestered daily to buy these things in a different style when we already have 3 others. I have seen parents just buying stuff their kid likes which I don't necessarily agree with even when i can afford it. How do you deal with it?