Identity crisis?

Am I the only sahm who feels like they have lost their identity??? I don’t make money for my family, when I used to make great money. But I refuse to drop my under a year old baby off with strangers.
My husband works so much. But I have no control over bringing in money and I’m a control freak type of person! I feel l like I’m losing my grip because we are kind of broke, but day care would only eat up my income anyways! So what’s the point. I’m a workaholic and now I’m just a twitching bum.
I wish I could work from home but so far that’s a fake dream. I’m almost 9 months pp, and I just need to know these awful mood swings and depression will end soon! Send wine!

Read more on Peanut

The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.

Learn more about our guidelines.

Add a comment

Will you always be a stay at home mum or are you planning on going back when your LO is over 1? x

I DoorDash from time to time. Make YouTube videos and stuff like that

I’m in the same boat. I’m so used to working and feeling more productive but I feel worthless since I can’t bring in any income.
At least while home, I know my baby is taken care of (as best as I can) because even if I go to work and put him in daycare, all my income would go to daycare and I would be stressed about how he’s doing there too.
So for now I’m SAHM but hoping I can find WFM soon or maybe even try something part time.

It's not just you. Motherhood is harder than I expected (even if it's also incredibly rewarding!) and these choices that we have to make are so hard, especially as we try to recover from labour/pp/hormones etc. at the same time!
What helped me was learning abkut matrescence and listening to podcasts (Maternal Journal is good on this; I also love Pop that Mumma). They even have a matrescence cafe where I am, so you can talk about your experience with other women who might also be going through similar experiences right now.
I also think it might be worth talking to somebody about your career - somebody who might be able to advise how to best find workable alternatives, like an agent or careers advisor.
I'm also rethinking my career atm to prioritise my lo, so totally get it.

Some mums relate her identity to work and other mums relate their identity to hobbies or social life, being in part of a community that she feels a belonging in. For me it’s the hobby one I feel a belonging in the dance community. I think like you said even if you did work now, those funds will go to childcare anyway so maybe find a fun hobby that won’t take much of your time/funds ghat you can be a part of, (until they go to preschool or school then no childcare will need to be paid, whatever you earn then is all yours).. some hobbies can be free and some are cheap at $10-$15 a week and some need gear etc. my salsa lessons on Fridays at the club are free. What I have spent money on are the cute dresses and heels to go.

in our community

A very autumnal pumpkin Macaroni cheese for the whole family

With added mini soya chunks and sweetcorn

Fed UP

I just feel so fucking agitated at the moment. I have 2 under 2 and one of them is autistic. So we have daily meltdowns etc. I'm up at 6am every day and don't sit down till maybe 10pm. I'm doing absolutely everything for them & the only break I get is going to the gym but I'm out for an hour max. As soon as I'm home I'm straight back at it, I don't even have time to shower.

My partners great but I don't think he has any fucking idea just how hard it is being with 2 small kids every minute of the day, managing appointments & the house. I'm starting to resent him. I'm snappy & miserable.

I resent my dog. He stinks & keeps malting everywhere. He's old so keeps shitting in the house.

The kids have kicked off for me all morning, yet as soon as he's here its calm & I look dramatic.

I'm not enjoying being a mum cos I can't cope with the constant stress. I've got adhd and autism so I'm overstimulated very quickly.

I've had ENOUGH.

I need advice!!

So, my boyfriend and I have a son together.and usually he doesn’t mind buying him things he needs like diapers and wipes etc…but recently he won’t get him anything that he needs. So when my son runs out we end up in an argument and he gets upset that he has to leave at 3 in the morning to get whatever it is my son needs when I told him days before he was almost out. I would get them myself but he doesn’t let me work because “he wants to take care of his family”. What should I do or say?

Thongs / Sexy undies to work?

My husband has an issue with me wearing sexy undies to work. Yesterday, I wore a thong for the first time in years because I'm just tired of my panty line showing 🙃 and oh my gosh he was very unhappy. He says that if he's not happy about it then I wouldn't do it. I should wear it at home. He says things like " men can tell I'm wearing a thong. " I don't respect him because I wear it to work, and he does not like etc. I just can't believe that it bothers him so much. I told him if I feel the need to wear it outside the house I will. It's not every time I want my panty line showing. I literally have less than 4 thongs, and only one Yesterday in years. No one sees under my clothes, so what's the issue. Please give me some advice on this? Who's wrong in this situation?

Toddlers nursery - am I overreacting?

My toddler is strong willed. He knows what he wants and how he wants it.

Not all communication styles work with a strong willed child.

Any who, about 60 percent of the time when I pick him up from nursery they complain about his behaviour and him not listening. He is fricken 2 and half years old!

Before nursery he never had behavioural issues.

Any who I worry now they are putting this constant though in his mind that he is a bad kid.

He would say things like I'm not going to be a godo boy. Etc.

I got into an argument with my partner about reducing the days. Or even changing the nursery in general.

Am I over reacting?

What would you recommend?

I just remember being younger at schools and teachers constantly shouting or telling off the same kid. Putting this perception in there head that they are naughty, less than. I worry that this can be causing damage. Am I over reacting?

Snack ideas for plane

What snack ideas would you have for a 19 month old that will keep her entertained on a 9 hour flight and will fit in these little compartments? Will take more of course.