Toddlers nursery - am I overreacting?

i understand your frustration. to play devils advocate, as someone who used to work in a nursery, a child who consistently refuses to listen or has challenging behaviour has to be reported to the parent (we don’t have a choice). it is normal for behaviour to change, for the worse or for the better, when starting nursery/school that doesn’t mean it is the schools fault at all but more the stimulation and copying of other children’s behaviours. i definitely do think personally it is an overreaction to move his nursery as i don’t think they’ve done anything wrong (unless their telling you of his behaviour is unprofessional or rude) but telling you in general is not a choice for them and they haven’t caused this. i’d recommend having a sit down with them and discussing the ways in which you deal with behaviour at home so you can be consistent at home and nursery so it is easier for him to follow. you should treat each other as a team as opposed to seeing them as against you/your son xx

I completely see your point, it’s a known phenomenon that if you tell a child something about their identity enough times, they will believe it. Like “you’re naughty, you’re smart, you’re stupid, you’re not working hard enough”, etc.

It sounds like it just may not be a good fit and that's okay, I would just maybe start looking for another place... daycares are way too expensive for you and your kiddo to be unhappy with...

I see your frustration. My son has had challenging spells at nursery, he's also pretty strong willed. I have an open discussion with the nursery on how they handle misbehaviour, and I'm comfortable with their approach and try to follow the consistency at home. These spells usually erupt when there's been a big change, like the birth of his sister and his best friend moved schools.... My red flags would be them discussing his misbehaviour in front of him with no positives of the day at handover, him starting to say he is bad/naughty (we discuss how behaviour can be naughty, but children aren't) and Id recommend talking to them about how they enforce boundaries and if they're willing to adjust, within their policies, to what you find works best for your child. If any of those are present or don't work for me I'd look to change childcare.