Partner cheated with prostitutes for a year!
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@Shanice that's exactly what I told him and how I feel. It would've continued until he brought home some disease. He agreed that he probably wouldn't have stopped. I also found out that he has been seeing sex workers for 10+ years before we met.
That's a massive no for me. I'm sorry any kind of sex with anyone else while in the relationship no matter how sorry he is or if he paid for it i.e. just a job for them. Even still it's disgusting. I get you had a lovely relationship but what will happen when things dry up again? I think you need to hold yourself to high esteem and get out of that relationship fast. I know it's not that easy especially if he says he's gonna do the work but you may have actually caught something too or at risk of it...so that's quite selfish too. If I were you as heartbreaking as it is ....I'd run a mile! So sorry you are in this situation! 💔💔
You deserve far better for you and your babies. He’s only sorry he got caught, not that he did it. It was even less of a mistake if he has used them so much before! Edited to add - he was doing this whilst you were pregnant. A disease from one of those escorts could have threatened the life of your unborn child.
That’s horrible. It doesn’t matter how much crying he does . When you argue and he leaves he will relax with a sex worker. You will never trust him when he leaves the house what kind of relationship is that?
I agree with all of this. As far as I'm concerned this relationship is over. We will cohabitate for now because he does his part with my toddler and soon to be newborn. I will need the help for the next couple of months but I'm over this relationship and already thinking about what my next one will be like. I love him but you are all right. You can't come back from this. It wasn't a mistake. It was a choice that he made time and time again. I'm grateful for everyone's comments. They help me see that I'm not being irrational.
This man spent money on them for so long. Money that could have been saved up to buy you something special. Something amazing. Or A holiday/ vacation. Sex workers charge around 500 from what I’ve seen and heard on average. Unless they’re cheap ones which i don’t even know if that’s even more horrible. I’m so sorry hun. He seems to have issues which he needs to fix and come back to you as a committed man capable of self control
@AmyRuth this is what I'm asking. I believe there ISN'T any coming back, no fixing this. Capable of self control or not, Do you think I'm being irrational?
You are absolutely not being irrational at all. I just hope that cohabiting won't cause you pain and that maybe you should have clear boundaries. I know if it were to happen to me it would be hard in one way to cohabit but I get you need the help too. I would be afraid that because he is being nice and you are living in a different way with the boundaries it can seem like everything in another way is ok and that you both get comfy with each other again. I know that sounds weird but hoping you don't reignite or get physically close to then confuse yourself if you get me? Maybe not at all but all I'm saying is have clear boundaries whilst cohabiting and that should help it be easier and just ensure you both stick to it. Best of luck and you are so strong. Us women can overcome so much. It will be hard to begin with for sure xx
I honestly don’t think there’s coming back because like I said everytime he leaves the house “I’m going to the shop” “I’m going out with a friend” “I’m going to clean the Car” you will wonder where he’s Actually going! And hun that is a life full of paranoia. He fucked up bad. And there’s consequences for our actions. But people can change. It’s just rare.
@Hilary thanks Hilary. Boundaries for sure.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this situation. I don’t know what I would do. I hope you find some right answers for you and your family. Remember, protect your mental health and your babies. It doesn’t matter if he regrets it and want to be better. Do what is right for you and your children
throw him in the bin girl. you deserve soooooo much better!! how does he expect you to recover from that??
💔💔💔💔💔
@Roanne right? How can anyone recover from that without giving up some self respect? Agreed
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Being in a long relationship myself with a cheater, I feel for you. No one but you can tell you if your relationship is over. I'm actually a bit jealous that he told you possibly everything. I always got lies even when I caught him red handed. You have to ask yourself what you're willing to live with. It's almost impossible to get trust back after infidelity. I'm so sorry you are going through this. They say once a cheater always a cheater but I don't think thats true. I think they can change but most don't. Mine sure didn't.
@Miranda I really appreciate this comment. It's honest, real and objective. I'm so sorry you had to go through that too. Some of us go through so damn much in these relationships and become traumatized for life. I am thankful that he tells me everything I ask. I have a male friend who cheated on his wife and has changed since getting caught and he thinks I should work it out with my partner if he's willing to do the work. What's best for me is moving on, immediately. What's possibly best for my kids is working it out. I hope you recovered from that dirtbag that did you wrong and I hope you find all the happiness you deserve +tax.
Aww, I know what u mean. Mine started before kids and I still stayed. He quit for years and I thought ok finally. I had 2 kids with him. Our youngest just turned 2. He had an affair that started a year ago. I didn't see it. Well he got her pregnant so now what. I am embarrassed to say I have spent 18 years with him. I feel like he has ruined who I am. I have been cheated on before and was like see ya. I don't know what it's been about with him but it's definitely broke now. As much as I am hurting I'm almost glad it's finally over. I'll just be glad when I figure out this next chapter. It could be better for your kids if it can be fixed but if you end up not being able to forgive then your happiness has got to be important. Take your time and go slow.
I honestly don't get cheating. I couldn't do it.
I read everything and the comments, it’s such a difficult situation. I don’t know if you told him to leave the house? I think physical separation is important for you to come to decisions. Or you leave and he pays. Is he controlling? Usually that comes hand in hand with all this hiding. Without judging him or analyzing why he is doing it- do you want to live with this behavior which translates to a frequency that is in the house. You deserve a lot of money from him to handle all this emotional trauma! Make him pay for your therapy, massages, anything and everything that you deserve to feel better
Nope he’d be gone! Could never trust him again and if there’s no trust, there’s no relationship for me
Could you please give us an update on what's going on now??
@MJ the story just got bigger and bigger. I found out he was cheating with prostitutes for TWO YEARS with over a dozen women (not one year, he was cheating through both of my pregnancies) , IMITATING WHAT HE SEES IN PORN. Since this post, I gave birth to a healthy baby girl with the help of a doula. At the last minute before she came I decided that he could be in the delivery room. I had serious complications after she was born and It made me realize that life is short and shouldn't be with someone who did the things he did to me. Things have been mostly positive between us. even though we are separated but still living together for now. He's persistent about proving that he will do anything to keep this family together but I'm sure I would never trust him again. I drafted up custody papers to file with the courts, bought my plane tickets to move across the country to be closer to family and friends and I've begin chatting with old flames. I'm ready to start over.
I could personally never recover from my partner doing that to me. If it was just once, maybe we can discuss but still likely a no goer. The fact it went on for so long shows that it was continuously a choice, and he was being manipulative about it too, since he was playing the perfect partner to you. If you hadn’t of looked, how long would he have carried on for?