Pregnant at the same time as sister - advice?

Hi, i am also going through a similar thing at the moment. Me and my older sister are also pregnant at the same time. She is 6 days ahead of me. I was very worried about saying anything as I didn't want to burst her happy bubble. It has been difficult for me as she's also getting a lot of the attention from the family. I have learned from talking with friends and my partner about how I feel about the situation....to just focus on yourself, as hard as that may seem. At the end of the day, the kids are going to grow up together and you'll all be connected so it doesn't matter whether they are happy about it or not. I would say it is very unfair how she is treating you, she should be thrilled about having a sister whose going through the same experiences and be able to bond over it. I am really sorry to hear you are having such a rough time.

Congratulations! I was in a similar situation but it wasn’t my own sibling, my partner was a twin and his brother & girlfriend announced they were expecting when we were about 8 weeks pregnant, both with our 1st. We were like you, really excited at the idea of them being close in age (born 14 days apart), when we announced our pregnancy, well the atmosphere changed tremendously. Like we stole their thunder. They announced they were having a girl, 3 weeks later we announce we were having a girl. I bought them both matching outfits etc, tried to engage with this girl but she was having none of it. eventually when they were about 2 years old I gave up trying and it’s been even more of a nightmare since. But we weren’t that close to start with and you couldn’t have an actual conversation with her about feelings. Have you tried speaking with her and letting her know how excited you are for them to be close in age? Maybe suggest going to some baby classes together when they’re born…

@Nicole thank you so much for the advice, I’m so sorry to hear you’re experiencing this too! I’m definitely lucky to have the support of my boyfriend who has been amazing and will listen to any of my rants lol. My sister & I both have PCOS so it was equally a shock for us both too but I feel in some ways she thinks it has just happened for us straight away and maybe that’s why she makes certain comments x

if she’s been trying for a long time and out of the blue you’ve announced your pregnancy she could be a bit jealous, and I can imagine those comments must be upsetting but see if you can have a conversation about the positives of them being close and depending on how that plays out you could mention you’re worried and upset that those feelings aren’t reciprocated as you’re really looking forward to sharing this experience with her. Ultimately you can’t change someone else’s feelings though so if things don’t improve just try to focus on your little family and know you’ve done what you could to try and improve the situation and the rest is out of your control. Hope things improve for you xxx

@Danielle wow I’m so sorry to hear this, it’s nice to know I’m not alone but upsetting that it seems to happen often. After all, all babies are miracles! I can never understand why people just can’t be happy for others. It’s quite difficult as my mum doesn’t want my sister to know she told me but I obviously want to speak to her about what she’s been saying - by doing this, my mum said I’m creating an atmosphere, making her ill and said that if my sister finds out, she will “punish” my mum by not letting her see my nephew. She then said it’s best we don’t speak again and said “good luck with everything”. We haven’t spoken since and it did really upset me.. I’m definitely up for attending baby classes together, I feel like it would bring us closer as well but she doesn’t really seem interested and says her anxiety is too much. I am slightly nervous if we do find out it’s a girl next week as they’re having a girl too - I’m just trying to think positive above all else x

There’s 3 months between my son and my nephew. My sister had been trying to get pregnant and I got pregnant by accident 3 months before she did. She was unbelievably excited for us and I was for her. It was amazing being able to help my sister through her pregnancy and to answer some questions etc she didn’t feel she could ask anyone else. The boys haven’t met yet as her LO is now a week old but I can’t wait for them to meet. We have already specified to absolute everyone we will not accept any form of comparison between them, whether that be personality or developmental milestone. It’s a real shame your sister can’t see past her own issues and be happy and support you too. It was such a nice bonding thing for me and my sister. Focus on yourself for now, ignore her comments and just set the comparison boundary early on!

@Claire this is so lovely to hear 🥰 it’s exactly how I hoped things would go with my sister & I. A real bonding experience and I think it’s great you have agreed on those boundaries. Congratulations on your little one & the arrival of your nephew! It feels in some ways she hasn’t fully accepted that I’m having a baby too but I really do hope that her attitude will change and she sees all of the positive aspects to the situation. Thank you so much xx

I’m a twin and when I was roughly 6 months pregnant with my first my twin sister fell pregnant with her second. I was in a slightly different situation where my sister was overly happy when I told her I was pregnant and barely showed any interest in my pregnancy until she found out she was pregnant and suddenly she seemed to care. My son is now almost 4 and is best friends with his cousin.

I feel so sorry for yourself and I can't believe your mum would choose one over the other, as she is punishing herself by missing out on a grandchild either way. Your sister needs to get over herself, I'm not sure what she means by ruining your life unless it's something judgemental like your age, or not being married or owning a house or something, none of which has a bearing on bringing a child into the world. Maybe it's worth sitting down with your sister, explaining that you are very happy for her, and also for yourself and this pregnancy is something you have put thought and love into. Then tell her that you feel hurt by her attitude/comments (saying "You've done something" can be argued with, saying "I feel this way" cannot be invalidated) and that you are hoping this can be a bonding experience. I would also have a similar conversation with your mum, that you feel hurt by her lack of support and that you feel like she is choosing your sister over you and this is a time in your life where you need her

I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this. Reading all these stories I now understand why people have been so surprised by me and my sister. We had our first pregnancies together (gave birth on the same day in the end, also my birthday) and we’re now both pregnant with our seconds and due 2-3 weeks apart. There are so many wonderful things about sharing this time with a siblings. We were thinking about the same things at the same time so could talk about them loads (birth plans, annoying healthcare professionals etc), and having our children the same ages has been so wonderful as they grow more. I don’t really have advice but I really hope your sister manages to see the positives as there really are so many. Good luck!

i experienced a similar thing with my first , it was my SIL who was pregnant same time as me , however it was so hard for me to feel excited for her as i had suffered a miscarriage when she announced her pregnancy , and the dates of her conception & my loss wouldve almost been the same week. in the state of mind that i was in it honestly felt as though she had taken my baby. i became pregnant again not long after , and we wanted to wait a while before announcing , but SIL & BIL looked through my phone and saw that i was pregnant , and announced it to the family way before we were ready. ive never forgiven them as they got to announce their own pregnancy and then ours as well after we had had such an awful experience before. it may be hard for her to feel supportive as she may feel as though the spotlight of pregnancy is now being shared. maybe try talking to her about how you feel and also ask how shes feeling , she may just be hurt and projecting her feelings on you to feel better

@Alex thank you so much for the advice, I really appreciate it 🤗 it feels really good to know my feelings are valid, I’m so happy for my sister and I just wish the feelings were reciprocated and I was given the same support that she has. I’m definitely going to have to have a proper sit down with my mum, I did confide in her weeks ago that I felt my sister and I were being treated differently, she does take things quite personally sometimes but I know I have to do it for my own MH as it’s really got me down x

@Marie wow, what are the chances! How amazing though that you really were going through it together ☺️that’s all I wanted from the beginning, but unfortunately since then it seems harder & harder to contact my sister/ get a response out of her x

@Gabriella I’m so sorry this happened to you! I can never understand why some people take it upon themselves to share someone else’s news, especially in pregnancy. I definitely agree, truth be told I think she’s probably a bit disappointed that it’s not going to be just her baby around and won’t be the only one receiving the attention but it’s just a shame as Ive never seen it that way. I didn’t grow up with any relatives, cousins etc and hoped it could bring us closer x

@Joey I definitely think she could be worried from an older sisters stance. Despite us both being pregnant, I’m very aware that I’m still just beginning my life whereas this will be her last baby & I think this does play into it. The little comments do hurt though, I can’t help but think about all the times, despite my age, where I’ve helped her out financially, been there through difficult times in her relationship, etc. I’ve never really been the type to go out drinking every weekend, always been very sensible with money etc so I would like to think that despite being young I’m very mature, renting home, partner and I having great jobs With both of us having PCOS, it’s definitely come as a surprise to be pregnant at all, I had hospital appts just at the start of the year with doctors telling me I would likely need additional help to conceive in the future so nevermind at the same time lol x

@Megan i agree it would 100% be an amazing experience to have together ! its good that you havent seen it that way and are seeing it as a positive , and whatever happens , continue to see it as a positive that your little one will have someone so close in age to play with x

Heyy my sister (34 yrs old) & I (21 years old) were also pregnant tg our babies are 3 months and 3 weeks apart and both are boys, she was first pregnant it’s her third and first boy then I was later on. Our relationship was rocky when pregnant honestly just cause we both were getting irritated faster with each other mostly I was because she was having bad symptoms when pregnant and I wasn’t I was just huge. She would try to say I hope you feel this weren’t you’re this far along My mom would be the ones going to our apt but had to alternate with us (her SO didn’t have papers at the time to be here. My bd and I were not in a good place) so when were mad at each other she tried making our mother just go to her appointments and just say how she felt “alone” it was bs btw (not trying to sound rude but she only said that because she knew my mom would pay more attention to her and it was obvious she lying) I didn’t say until at first but then I expressed myself to my mother then we were.

Also stopped talking to her because she wasn’t going to be here when I gave birth but wanted me to be there for her birth, I said fuck no because she could of waited till I gave birth for her to leave but didn’t, but after all that drama (there was more btw) we are fine and try to make a lot of plans so the boys and her other daughter can spend time tg Oh and I was treated differently but that was just because I was a single mom and they didn’t think my bd was going to provide for the baby so they would walk around me on eggshells Btw sorry that it was so long just wanted you to know my experience.

@Daria I’m so sorry you had this experience! I definitely can relate where my sister seems to want all of the attention and comes across bitter when anyone in the family even mentions my baby. I’m hoping things will change as time progresses/when babies arrive but coming to terms with the fact that if they don’t, I just need to put my baby & me first x

@Emma thank you so much❤️ this really gives me hope 🤗 my sister and I have always been very close which is why I think it’s affected me more. We’ve always been there for each other, I’m very close with my nephew too and have always been the first person she asked to babysit, helped her out with money etc so I think it’s also the feeling that she doesn’t think I can properly raise a child and those aspects do hurt a little. I knew there would be a few raised eyebrows in my family lol but above all else I think I’m just craving the feeling of being supported xx

Hey, not exactly the same but my son is 6 months old and my sister is pregnant now due in October. When she told us she was pregnant although I’m super happy for her and her partner it did upset me and still does slightly. Me and my partner were trying for about a year for our son and my sister told us it was a bit of an accident for them. Me and partner have been a bit upset because for us it felt we couldn’t just have the one year for our son to have the limelight as such. It might sound horrible but I wanted him to have that year of his firsts being his but now his first Christmas is going to be shared with his cousin. I’m slowly getting my head around it and looking at the positives of all the other years not just the first year. I’m not taking sides just maybe there are some underlying feelings for her that she hasn’t shared xxx

Me and my sil were pregnant at the same time, although our babies were born 4 months 1 were apart. For me it was lovely to have someone to ask questions as it was my first pregnancy and her 3rd. Luckily she was really supportive, and our kids, girl and boy, are best buddies. They spend a lot of time together. I really hope your sister comes round and sees this as a bonding moment as it's so special when cousins grow up closely (I wish I'd had that).

Why does your sister think you’ve ruined your life. In having your baby I wonder? It sounds pretty sad she’s been telling people not to basically care about you and your baby because you’re not worthy of it somehow?!🤷🏾‍♀️

First of all a big congratulations to your pregnancy! 🤍 I’m so sorry to hear this. You should not be treated this way. You should be able to enjoy and be happy about your pregnancy and so should them! I was pregnant at the same time as my stepsister and sister in law. Stepsister was 6 days ahead with a boy. We where so happy for each other. First babies for us all. We spoke over then phone a lot about how we where feeling and so on. She lives in Sweden and I’m in England. I ended up having my baby girl two weeks before her due to preeclampsia. My sister in law had her baby girl 6 weeks after me. We also spoke about our pregnancies and went swimming together. Same her, I think we both where extremely happy for each other. I really hope your sister comes around soon as this is a lovely experience to go through with someone close. Try your best not to let this get you down and enjoy your pregnancy 🤰🏼. I loved being pregnant. 🤍

Sounds like hormones are making your sister pretty aggressive and dramatic. You can provide for your baby, love your baby and be a great mom just as she can. She was only 24 when she had her first so not much difference between 3 years 🤦🏾‍♀️. I would make some space between her and let time heal everything after the babies arrive. How exciting they'll have cousins close in age and you and your sister can eventually share firsts and milestones together, it's actually so precious. Don't let her take away such a happy moment in your life.

Yes, my cousin and I have always been quite close and as kids we even lived together at some point. She has announced her pregnancy earlier and I already knew I was pregnant but I didn’t tell anyone yet. After our families pretty much compared us to one another even though we are very different 😂 our babies were born ONE day apart!!! Which was just crazy to me! I thought babies would make us even closer but we have different views on things and we parent in two different ways🤷🏻‍♀️

I cut mine off the moment she shut me down and made it clear she's not happy that I'm pregnant. She was even worse when I had my baby. She's not allowed to see my baby and i want nothing to do with her selfish bitch self.

My niece's are 8 and 10 so obviously my sister in law wasn't pregnant at the same time as me but she drives me mad with her constant comparisons and some of the comments she makes. My in laws really struggle with the girls as they are full of attitude and have never had any discipline so my in laws lose their temper which my sis in law doesn't like. She once said to us 'just you wait until Henry isn't his current cute and innocent self' 🙄 He's just started walking and she made a point of and was almost joyful about the fact it was the same age as one of her girls. Everything is like a competition with her and she's glad he didn't beat the girls. So from my experience it's got worse as he's hit milestones but because it's not my sister, I keep quiet to keep the peace.

Wow, I wasn’t expecting to hear so many similar experiences! I really hope that as time goes on and babies arrive that my sister will have come around a bit. Same with my mum - it’s a shame to think she’s prepared to miss out on having a relationship with my baby just because of her pride & not wanting to upset my sister by confronting her over her comments. I can understand why my sister may feel like I’ve “stolen her thunder” but with us both having PCOS, I’d like to think she knows it didn’t exactly just happen for me either, I’ve been with my partner for a long time and under the care of several health professionals. I think I’m slowly realising that things may not turn out exactly how I’d hoped but, we have a baby on the way & it’s something to be very excited about & thankful for. I definitely don’t want anyone, family/sister or not, trying to make my experience negative and make me feel bad about my choices/continuing with my pregnancy. Thank you all so much 🤍🤍

Congratulations! Sorry your sister is making you feel this way, this is YOUR pregnancy, completely separate to hers and should be treated with the same amount of excitement! Last year I was 6 weeks behind my sister in our pregnancies and we loved it, it was nice as we could ask each other questions and advice and also was fun to talk about pregnancy as she was going through everything I was! We’ve always been super close so maybe that’s why, and when I told her I was pregnant (she was the one who actually told me to take a pregnancy test) she was just so thrilled and excited that our babies will grow up together. Now our babies are 7 and 6 months and it’s so cute seeing them interact! I’m sure your sister will come round and be excited for you, it doesn’t matter your age, you are an adult and are excited to start your little family, it will honestly be so lovely so I hope she stops with this selfish behaviour for you! Congrats lovely!