Toxic In-Laws & Pregnancy Announcement

That’s a hard one. Can you give examples of this “manipulation” then I have more of an idea and comment? At the end of the day it’s there grandmother?

we got engaged “oh great….how many carats is the ring”? That was it.

“You need to make my daughter your MOH”

“You don’t really care about family do you?”

“He’s only with you because you’re pretty”

I can’t even begin…the first two years of dating when we were in the room together she wouldn’t speak to me or acknowledge my existence.

Protect your peace 💕💕 for you and your baby. Sorry that’s your situation with your in-laws.

manipulation includes lying and guilting my husband into various things. Saying someone is sick and dying so she can have a visit, when they’re fine. Lying about having problems at their house so they can stay with us. Planning a family trip where everyone is invited except me.

I get it’s the baby’s grandmother but she even treats her own kids badly.

Shits on everything they do. Tells them everything they do is dumb or stupid. Shuts down every idea they have.

It’s very enmeshed.

Yeah that’s not on!!! I hope your hubby stuck up for you. That’s nasty girl. I say do what your gut says

Yeah no way. I wouldn’t want my kids around her. Good thing you both moved away.

You don't have to have a relationship with her. My MIL is similarly annoying and tries to be controlling (although not as bad as yours!) so I simply don't interact with her. My husband of course is free to talk to her as much as he wants and call her to show her the kids, but I don't have any direct contact with her. And when we visit them (she's still my kids' grandma, I'd never keep them apart) I simply smile, nod, and not say anything to her. When she makes her nasty comments, I laugh or ignore her. It helps that my husband is on my side and knows her, doesn't let her get to him as well. Sorry you're also going through it, I so envy people who have a good relationship with their MIL, but at the end of the day if she stresses you out too much, just shut her out. Her loss. You can have your husband tell her about the pregnancy without you present, and have him deal with the drama.

I try to still talk to her to make an effort. But I “grey rock” very short responses. It’s hard I want my kids to try to have a relationship but also….manage it. I envy people too

Not trying to pathologize or diagnose your MIL but sounds like traits of narcissistic personality disorder. As someone who’s own lovely mother has this, it’s very difficult to navigate and protect your peace but it is doable! My best advice is to define what you want your boundaries to be during pregnancy and thereafter, and get your husbands buy-in so you both can reinforce these boundaries when needed. The other advice which is sad but a reality, don’t expect her to change bc they typically don’t. Recognize what you can control which is your outlook on the situation and how to handle it and go from there. You won’t ever make these people happy but it also isn’t your responsibility. Feel free to DM if you want to chat more about it. 💕

pretty sure she has borderline. So yup!! It’s really hard. It’s hard to involve them and it’s hard to hear my husband say “she’s still my mom” I get frustrated. But I also get it. He so desperately wants them to be different and has so much hope it’ll be different this time. Appreciate it!!