Is this sa or rape? Trigger warning sorry

It’s definitely abusive and unhealthy. I’m so sorry for everything you’ve been through. Can you leave him for good? Things like this typically do not get better.

I just want him to go away and leave me. I worked and sacrificed so much to be and get where I am today. I have a housing association place and I keep kicking him out I don’t want him here. I’m on mat leave but work in property management. He’s good with kids but he’s horrible to me. I’m even desperate to take my boys and leave but they have his last name and I don’t want to get in trouble. My kids are my everything I’d do anything for them.

I'm sorry for what you've been through.
If you've made it clear to him you want to end it, get a restraining order if he keeps coming back. Even going to the police and writing a statement about his behaviour can count for something. You need some sort of visitation for the kids because he will use that as a way back in/against you too!

will they help though because I have no physical proof. Maybe next time I’ll try to record or is that illegal?

If the flat is in your name only you can call the police and have them remove him from the property if he will not leave. I’m in the US, but that’s how it works here.

Hey ,so sorry to hear about your childhood trauma and how you feel now about your husband.I feel that you may need to confront the trauma by getting some therapy to help you heal from it.Since your husband knows about it he cd be of help.Don’t leave him yet because you said you still love him n you haven’t mentioned anything about him treating you badly except that he won’t be patient with you anymore for not giving him what he wants sexually.You may be withdrawn sexually because of your childhood experience .You cd easily move on with another person but still find yourself in a similar situation

Really wishing you well

I disagree with lista. He is angry and violent if you say no to sex, then does it when you give in knowing you hate it. That's coercion and rape. As hard as that is to swallow. Consent needs to be given freely without force like that.

If he isn't on the tenancy agreement I think you can have him removed. Contact woman's aid perhaps for advice on how to go about this whilst ensuring your safety

I completely agree with Rach.what he’s doing is unacceptable .Am also looking at the lady here who may be facing something else and thus not wanting intimacy with her husband,unless I missed a point am sorry.I was thinking therapy and counseling for both of them but ultimately he shd not force her to have sex with him and get angry about it,that’s totally not acceptable.She can still leave him and restrain him for not changing but ultimately the lady has to get help,otherwise it’s gonna become just another situation in her next relationship.

@Lista I agree to the therapy part regardless of what she does also. It's not her fault her partner is this way due to mot having therapy from the past but it is needed to help her heal and sadly sometimes horrible men can sniff out vulnerable women and use things against them. It's happened to me

Please I hope you can get out of this situation safely and ASAP!

Learn your lesson and change please. Love yourself ❤️ your kids need you 💕 don't give yourself to this men;/ 🙏

Darling you dont need proof as such. What you need to do is make a “diary” of date/times/events in some detail. That in itself is enough. Im sure you can think back and vaguely remember some things. You shouldn’t force yourself to engage is sex to appease him. He doesn’t deserve it. You need to get rid. You need to scare him and show him that you’re serious. Call the police and make a report. You dont have to press charges but you explain he’s verbally abusive. From that you will get a crime
Ref number. Any time something happens you can call or go on line and log things so you have a time log.
Lorna is right. Life is too short. Would your boys be ok if they knew what their dad was doing?

Yea, this is not okay at all. Extremely abusive. Kick him out again, and please for your own sanity DO NOT TAKE HIM BACK AGAIN. You deserve respect and understanding. You do not have to put yourself through this to please a man.
I am so so sorry you have gone through this. YOU DESERVE BETTER! THAT IS NOT A MAN, JUST ANOTHER MONSTER.

I'm not sure if they could legally do anything as a crime hasn't been committed, but they will have it recorded if he continues to harass you, which in the long run will help ! It is your right to record any conversations you have with him, he doesn't have to give you permission, especially if you think he's going to be coercive/dangerous