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April 2023 Babies 🇺🇸

How does everyone deal with family/friends who blatantly disrespect boundaries and “rules” for their child(ren)?

⚠️Possible Trigger Warning??⚠️

My boyfriend is fortunate enough to have both his mother and father in his life; including both sets of grandparents plus aunts/uncles. I on the other hand only have my mother and her side of the family actively in my life. This leaves our son with family side A(his moms side), side B(his fathers side), and side C(my moms side). Most of side C respects us and our wishes for our son. Occasionally they intervene too much, usually when my son is fussy and won’t let my boyfriend or myself attempt to soothe our son. Side A is the same way. This past Sunday they held a gathering. As per usual everyone wanted to hold our son and what have you. While at the gathering our son did begin to fuss, at this point my boyfriend and I were tag-teaming trying to soothe him. Side A then took it upon them selfs to take our son from us and soothe him on their own. I didn’t agree with this but I just let it slide due to the occasion. As for side B, they have had issues with me and the whole having a son from the start. But typically just have “backed off” no major issues.

Due to some personal issues, I asked my boyfriend if his parents can watch our son tonight(my boyfriend works overnights). We agreed to this and brought our son over. When we pull into their drive way my boyfriends father comes and greets us. My son must’ve been a sleep or almost asleep that he was startled by his own grandfather saying hello. This started the 2 hour tantrum that soon followed. We all went inside and my boyfriends father attempted to comfort our son as we ate our dinner. While there my boyfriends father(let’s call him Tom) decided to bring up a prior issue. My son is teething and due to this Tom believed he needed things to chew on. Instead of giving him safe teething toys Tom gave him dog treats. Legitimate dog treats. His reasoning was when his sons(my boyfriend and his brothers) were younger he gave them teething treats meant for babies and they choked on them. So I can understand the fear he has. But I told him when he first told me about him doing this that I don’t agree with his methods and don’t want my son chewing on dog treats. Tom ignored my wishes as per usual. I then spoke to my boyfriend about this and he brought it up to Tom. Tom agreed not to do it anymore. Fast forward back to tonight, he brought up this issue and that I should’ve just talked to him myself instead of asking my boyfriend to speak to him. Tom then proceeded to grab a dog treat and show me what he was doing with our son. I then proceed to say okay but reiterate that I don’t agree with this for our son. Tom then takes our son and changes his diaper. By this point my son had been having a meltdown for almost 20-25 minutes. It was close enough to feeding that I was comfortable with giving him his bottle. This is where problem two of the night begins. We feed our son baby oatmeal/cereal/rice with a small amount of baby food(usually a fruit). To make this we have to mix in formula. Our son is only drinking 7 oz currently, so we take some of his formula and mix it in a bowl with the oatmeal then bottle feed the rest. He gets his bottle then oatmeal. Tom watched as I prepared my sons meal and questioned why I was making it the way I was and such. I remained calm and explained every step. I finished making the bowl and handed my “brother-in-law” the bottle to begin feeding my son while I mix the contents of the oatmeal. Tom quickly questioned why I wasn’t putting it all in the bottle. I expressed my concern of the oatmeal clogging his bottle as well as doing it this was ensured proper measurement for the oatmeal. Tom sorta brushed it off and ignored my response. He then proceeded to show my boyfriend how to cut the nipple of the bottles to create a bigger opening for my son to consume his oatmeal from his bottle. Then left the house to smoke. By this point my son was in his high chair eating his bottle with his uncle(let’s call him Bill) feeding him(only time he was calm and not fussing). My boyfriend leaves to run a quick errand and leaves me and our son there. Tom comes back in and asks if our son has finished his oatmeal, I reply with “no he eats his bottle first” to which he tells Bill to stop feeding the bottle and give him the oatmeal. This is where problem three begins, I quickly get into mama bear mode and say “Bill, whose son is this?” as I await Bill’s response Tom jumps in and says “well he’s my grandson.” I grab the bottle from Bill and take over feeding my son. Ignoring the rude comment from Tom, who attempts to spoon feed my son his oatmeal as he has the bottle in his mouth. Thankfully my son likes his bottle more than being spoon fed. Tom gives up and states he has to leave to run to the store. But yet of course before he leaves we have problem four, my son finished the bottle and Tom quickly takes him and fills his bottle with the oatmeal. I gave in with it and let it happen, for the sake that my son needed to eat and he wasn’t fussing. While this is happening I explain that in 20-30 minutes my son will need to start his night time routine then be put to bed. Tom asks Bill to clean out the pack and play(my sons swing, playmat, and their car seat is in there due to their cats attempting to lay in his things) and put a blanket in there. My son is beginning to roll and we were advised by his doctor that nothing should be in his sleep area as well as he shouldn’t be swaddled anymore because he’s rolling. I told Bill “no blanket.” Tom then says “he’ll just be sleeping on it.” I then repeat myself. Tom hands my son off and leaves for the store. Now if he had asked why for any of these issues I would’ve gladly explained my reasoning even though I shouldn’t have to. When a parent says no for something regarding their child it should be respected. This leaves Bill, myself, and my son at my boyfriends parents house. My son has now be crying and screaming for about an hour, except for when he was being fed(my boyfriend and I began to notice when he’s over tired he’ll act this way). I believed it was best to just bring our son home and put him to bed at home then to call a family member is personal issues arose. While waiting for my boyfriend to return I took my son out for a walk trying to soothe him, which thankfully worked. Once my boyfriend returned I expressed my concern and he agreed with taking our son home, he began to repack his things into the car as I kept walking around to keep my son calm. This is where the final and biggest problem of the night began. Tom returned and I brought my son over to him to say goodnight and goodbye. Tom didn’t appreciate this. He quickly said “no, say goodby to mommy and daddy he’s staying here tonight.” I tried to explain my concern for my son only to be dismissed. My boyfriend and I went to leave, Tom screamed for his other son(not Bill) to grab a kn!fe. I swiftly went to my car(mind you I’m holding my son during this whole interaction). Tom runs up to me with said object and says “I’m going to slash your tires, I’ll pay for them, but I’m going to slash them.” My boyfriend proceeded to try to give me my sons car seat so we could leave(during this my son is now screaming and crying again). Tom attempts to grab my son outta my hands with the kn!fe in his. I run into my car with my son and lock the doors. My boyfriend unfortunately was included in being locked out with my sons car seat. During this time Tom is next to my door trying to get in and stating my son is crying because he wants his papa(what we call Tom). Finally I unlock it to let my boyfriend in to put the car seat in and to attempt to get home. Tom opens my door and tries to grab my son again. I try to put myself in between and held my son towards the back of the car where my boyfriend was. Tom then backed off and stated we were the ones who wanted him to watch our son and yada yada. After a few words were exchanged between my boyfriend and his father we finally left.

Ending the night with my son home in his crib and me traumatized. Thoughts?