Relationship ended
Just looking for some advice.
Me and my ex-partner met September last year, things progressed quickly and I’m due in 9 days.
Throughout the relationship he’s had a problem with cocaine / alcohol. Regularly he’ll tell me whilst on his benders he hates me, doesn’t want to be with me etc as I’d obviously be upset and nag at him to stop. Then when the blowout has ended he’d be back to being in love with me, promising to calm down. And then a few weeks later back at square 1. He’s admitted he has a problem, but can’t seem to kick it. We don’t argue about anything until he touches substances for reference and my have a nice relationship usually.
I’m 39 weeks pregnant as of today. He started his most recent bender last Thursday, he was ok with me until Monday then decided he didn’t want to be together as I wouldn’t lend him anymore money until he got paid. He then calmed down, continued his bender but was being nicer, telling me he loves me etc. Then when the drugs have got to his head has said he doesn’t love me again / want to be together. After almost a week of him being volatile this close to my due date I agreed the relationship should end and have left with mine & babies things to go back to my parents house.
Fast forward almost a week and he’s still on the bender. Will not speak to me and is still being volatile despite me attempting to try make arrangements regarding our house, our child and how we’re going to work as parents separately. This has ended up in several heated arguments over the past few days, including him arguing with my family members who have tried to tell him he shouldn’t be treating me this way, especially so close to me giving birth. He’s now refusing to speak to me & threatening to go to court for access over our daughter.
I’m unsure whether nerves have gotten to him as this is by far the worst I have ever experienced and during one of his rants heard him say about not feeling ready, me and baby are better off without etc.
I’m hoping he’ll calm down and speak rationally once the alcohol and cocaine runs out. If he was to sort his problem out I’d also love to give things another go for our baby.
Is it worth me staying gone for good or attempting to reach out?
Not only for our daughter but for his own well being I want him to stop this pattern and have tried to hang on until the baby is here hoping he’ll change for her, if not me. I’m hoping once the bender has ended he’ll see sense and attempt to communicate but not sure if things have gone too far this time and he won’t contact me again.
The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.
Learn more about our guidelines.
Stay gone for good. This isn’t going to get better, he’ll drain your money. This isn’t a healthy relationship.
You’re both better off without him. A unhappy child thrives in an unhappy home. You both deserve better.
Stay well away.
He won’t access until he can prove he’s clean it maybe thing he needs for him to get clean. You will be putting the baby at risk and probably end up with social involved if they find out about him
I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. I think the issue is the addiction and until that is dealt with, I don’t think things will change for you.
You’ve said it yourself, he’s a different man when he’s not on these substances so unless he is willing to change for the better, things will gradually go downhill for you and your baby.
I agree with everything said here by the other ppl in comments. Stay away.
If he wants to go to court then fine, he's a coke head he won't win. Ppl can give character references. In court. He won't win. Your responsibility is with that baby. It is your job as a parent now to ensure this babies safety. If you give your baby to him knowing he is a coke head you are endangering the life of that child and increasing the risk of harm or worse.... Stay away for that babies safety. Rather a baby without a druggy dad and a healthy life. Than a baby with a druggy dad who disrespects her mother and can't act like a father. And is risking the safety of the baby. If it was a friend who was in your situation what would u advise?
I would definitely be done with him and stay away. Sure, pray for him and whatnot, but you have that sweet little one depending on you, and she doesn't have a reliable father she can count on right now. He needs to get clean and sober.
I wouldn't worry about being taken to court bec court costs money and he won't put his money towards that when he's putting it all towards drugs.
Do keep a record of every call, text, phone call, and interaction for just in case you ever, even in 10 years, go to court over the child. Just cover your bases.
Download the Peanut App
