Baby not bonding with dad

A bit of a personal one but basically baby really struggles to settle for dad. If he’s giving her a bottle she’s fidgeting and crying and will barely drink, if he tries to get her to sleep she goes purple and cries so much. It is really getting to him and me tbh I don’t know what I can do to support him. He just passes her to me and I say no you try but I can tell it’s upsetting him.

I’m wondering is this happening with anyone else or happened in the past?

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Aww bless. Babies are used to being with mum in womb and it takes a while for them to adjust to other people! Just tell him it’s nothing to do with him babies are generally clingy with mum and that’s ok. I’m sure she will adjust soon but it takes a while xx

I think the main thing is to keep trying! i’ve read watching exactly how you do things can help and also you leaving the house and giving him a chance 😊

My little one is the same xx

My LB is the same. I used to push for it to happen but now I think the anxiety in my husband makes it worse. I guess it'll get better with the time. I hope it does...

My baby boy also struggles to settle with his dad, tends to be later in the day in the evenings when little one is sometimes overtired. My husband keeps trying with our baby and I’ve been encouraging too but sometimes it gets to the point where our baby is crying sooo much that I have to take him as we can’t bear seeing him so upset

Has he tried doing skin to skin with her to see if it helps bonding? My partner did a lot of skin to skin early on so now my LB is used to us both, I think he still settles better for me at times but I think that’s because he’s with me more x

Babies don’t understand they are really a separate being than you for at least 6 months they are used to being so close to you in the womb its so normal for it to be very upsetting to try and be comforted by someone who isnt what they know comfort to be, a shirt or something with your scent might help him

Babies are just way more bonded to their mums, that is nature! It'll change as they get older.

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This is such a ramble but I don’t know where else to put it all.

I’m four months in and I don’t really have hobbies right now. I don’t do anything for myself except maybe doomscrolling or listening to a podcast while I breastfeed my baby. I used to craft and have game nights with friends. Activities that usually are at least 2 hour stretches. Now if I have an hour free my mind immediately goes to baby, or doing something in the house for baby.

And I thought I didn’t mind. Like I knew postpartum could be very mentally consuming. But I think it’s altering how I view people around me and it’s prodding at my relationship with my husband.

He spends most of his time making food for us, looking after our dogs, playing with the baby, ect. But he still has time for his hobby. Spends maybe an hour a night on it. Even adapted to using a bot for shopping for his hobby after a certain incident where we had to have a heart to heart after he left me home alone with the baby for hours during a busy workday (I work from home) to shop for his hobby.

And yet there’s like this little green eyed monster in me that rages every time I know he’s running off to start up the bot. Even though I’m the reason he does it this way.

We took a family trip last weekend to see his best friend and their kids and let them meet the baby. He brought the laptop. He’s always brought a laptop on trips and it’s never been a problem to me before. But one night we both woke up while the baby was still asleep, and he wandered out of the room. I tried to fall back asleep but couldn’t. So I went to the kitchen to try having something warm to drink to settle me. And he was there at the table running the bot from his laptop. I flipped out at him. But there really wasn’t reason to. It’s not like I needed help with the baby and he was ignoring me. He wasn’t avoiding our friends. He was just awake and unable to sleep and found something to do with his time. Yet my snap reaction was “why the hell would you do this on a family trip?”

I don’t know what it is. Maybe it’s the less complete sleep from baby’s middle of the night feed? My brain being just consumed by baby? Maybe I’m not as over that shopping incident as I thought? But I’m just so annoyed at his hobby right now. The green eyed monster thinks “you could be using that time differently” but realistically to do what exactly??? Stare at our baby in the dark???

I spent probably an hour apologizing to him after I snapped. And he’s of course hurt and frustrated because I said some very mean things in the moment.

I don’t want to be this jealous, angry person. But I also don’t know how to find time for myself in this right now outside of basic hygiene. It’s like I’ve forgotten how to be myself, even if just for an hour.

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TIA 🙂