How can I fix this?

I’m going through what I think is postpartum depression…

My family is super far away and it’s just me, my husband and my MIL who can take care of my baby (hubby and MIL work daily from 4-5am to 5pm). My husband had to work 2 weeks straight and it’s a job that requires a lot physically and yet my husband would come home and help me around the house. My MIL got sick these 2 weeks so it was literally me with the baby for almost 24h (day and night) and a couple hours hubby would take her during the week. I’ve been sad and crying most of the day, my husband says I don’t seem as happy no more but literally all I want is my mom right now 😭 I feel super sad and depressed, I try to be happy but lately it seems like I can’t see the joy, but I feel even terrible cause my husband wants to make me feel better and happy all the time. We haven’t gone into vacation since we got together (2y ago) because he started a new job and I used to travel a lot, but yesterday after I told my husband, he told me:

-“sometimes I feel like I’m not enough for you”

I feel terrible, I’m always grateful to him for everything he does, I love him so much but it hurt me when he said that… I’m going through a lot mentally, I’m stressed all the time, the house is a mess even tho I clean as much as I can every day, I feel like the baby takes all my time, I don’t have me time no more, I just realized I spent a whole week without showering, I feel like I’m living the same day over and over, I can’t see the difference between a week day and weekend bc all he does is work… (which I’m grateful he has a job and provides for his family but I want to see him too) I feel like I’m losing myself, but I always try to make him feel better, he’s my whole world, so…

How can I make him feel that he is more than enough?

I use positive words and love words towards him, we don’t usually fight or call each other by our names, but I need a little light in the middle of the dark and he’s that, I don’t want to hurt him at all but I feel super depressed lately and it’s not his fault 😔😔😔

Read more on Peanut

The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.

Learn more about our guidelines.

Add a comment

The first year is filled with adjustments. You can’t look at life before your baby and compare it to now cause it will never be the same. There’s gonna be ups and downs everyday sometimes every hour. The journey truly is a rollercoaster. Having a child really is a test to your relationship. You may grow apart or become distant with each other but keep having those conversations about how hard things are for you right now. Keep telling him it’s not him and really explain the thoughts that are going through your head and how your hormones are affecting you. Communication at this point is key. You’ll never know how the other is thinking or feeling unless you tell them. Once you are able to have a break maybe plan a small date night. I say small cause it can be overwhelming planning things. I’m not sure how old your babe is but I remember struggling to plan things the first few months.

Things will get better and you will find an adjustment that works for you and him

My partner has said similar things to me. I've had to tell him I just need to vent, please don't try and fix it just listen, or tell him hey I'm just going through it right now so I'm a little cranky, overwhelmed, and tired. While my husband does get weekends off, he's working on his master's degree, so he gets to just go away into his office and tune me and baby out. We made a deal. When he gets home from work after he gets to decompress a little bit (change his clothes, maybe get a snack) I get 1 hour. I can run to the store, take a bath, read in a silent room whatever I need to do to have some me time. It's really helped and when I have bad days where I'm tired, I want my mom (who is also quite a ways away) or I just need to sit in the closet and cry, I tell him. It's just part of the journey. Our hormones are all out of wack after having a baby, you just need to give yourself a little grace. You are doing fantastic and your LO appreciates and sees everything you do.

Thank you so much both of you for taking the time to advise me ❤️❤️ it means a lot ❤️

in our community

Is this normal?

Is it just my husband that does this? He is able to work from home via his computer and in the mornings and evenings he is on there doing his job. When he is done for the day he tends to stay in the room and either play video games or watch something. He will occasionally come out and play with the girls for a few minutes and that’s it but when I really need him he says he is busy. My daughters are both 1 year old now and I am just wondering how much involvement should he have with them now?
Idk if this is the norm or not…..

Saying NO to buying toys etc

5 year old is getting really envious of others. He is obsessed with items that other kids have at school. I am pestered daily to buy these things in a different style when we already have 3 others. I have seen parents just buying stuff their kid likes which I don't necessarily agree with even when i can afford it. How do you deal with it?

Identity crisis?

Am I the only sahm who feels like they have lost their identity??? I don’t make money for my family, when I used to make great money. But I refuse to drop my under a year old baby off with strangers.
My husband works so much. But I have no control over bringing in money and I’m a control freak type of person! I feel l like I’m losing my grip because we are kind of broke, but day care would only eat up my income anyways! So what’s the point. I’m a workaholic and now I’m just a twitching bum.
I wish I could work from home but so far that’s a fake dream. I’m almost 9 months pp, and I just need to know these awful mood swings and depression will end soon! Send wine!

Daycare?

Thoughts on daycare?? Truly, I am SCARED to be leaving my kid for daycare. I literally do not trust anyone, not even family (they haven’t given me a reason it’s just trust issues on my end, you never know). He’s turning 3 and I’ve been a sahm the whole time but tbh my man doesn’t make enough for us to move out somewhere more calm . We live in a ‘not so safe’ area in LA and I’m just not used to living here so I just want us to give my son a better life and in order to speed up the process I would have to work.. I do lashes at home and I’d be open to take new clients so I wouldn’t have to look for work but I’m just scared to lose my license 😭

Thoughts?

your soon to be brother in law (upon inquiry) told you that only a few kids from the family were attending his wedding because they are over the age cut off..

Tablet for kids

Alright don’t need any negative Nancy’s telling me not to get my 2yo a tablet so if that’s what your gunna do please don’t participate in my poll.

We’re about to move cross country 3+ day trip and my 2yo and 9m hate the car I’m talking scream their heads off till they are out of their seats. We’ve already changed car seats and it didn’t help so I’d like to at least have one entertained and sit next to baby and try and distract her or put her to sleep. Our new car has tvs but since they are rear faced my 2yo can’t see it.

Debating getting her a tablet or dvd player right now on long car rides I end up giving her my phone because I get so overwhelmed sitting in between both of them screaming and crying.

And yes I do bring different toys I bring snacks I play songs try to distract her other ways but for the sake of not losing my mind on this move I think this is best.

-A very overwhelmed and anxious to move mama 😓