Caught husband with only fans

I caught my husband subscribed to only fans. He’s spent atleast 2k on pics while telling me we need to budget. I made him log in and show me what he was doing since he claimed he was only buying pics. Obviously, caught him chatting with girls and even paying for a Snapchat sesh. Don’t know how to handle this, I feel as though he’s cheated on me but he claims he didn’t think I’d think it was a huge deal since I don’t care if he watches porn. We also have not had sex since I was pregnant and my baby is almost a year old. I know I have deprived him but I just don’t feel in the right headspace to have sex. What do I do?

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I would be pissed as well. Porn is one thing. It's basically adult YouTube.

Only fans is something else entirely. Now you're investing money into other women. And if he was chatting/paying for snapchat sessions, that's even worse in my book. You went from watching one sided online videos (porn), to interacting with/chatting with real women. It's not the same as porn at all. I would feel cheated on too.

My husband and I have actually had conversations about this. Not because he uses OF but we just like to debate. And he actually agreed paying for it, and chatting with other women in a sexual context is crossing a whole other line.

You should have a serious conversation with your husband. Let him know you feel cheated on. Let him know the lines he crossed. The money would be a huge thing to me. Like you're not going to sit here and say we need to budget, then spend thousands of dollars on OTHER WOMEN. That's a huge betrayal.

That’s so sad, if I was in the same situation I’d probably throw up. I’d tell him he needs to go see a therapist or talk to someone or he needs to leave. Clearly he doesn’t care about your needs or babies needs if he spent 2k on that. He needs to revaluate his life. I’m sorry girl.

2k is a-lot of money to just throw out the window like that. & to tell you that y’all need to budget? Wtf…. I wanna slap him for you.

Porn is free and there's no interaction with women on there, I'd definitely consider only fans cheating especially if he was chatting and then doing a Snapchat session if his needs weren't being met by you then a conversation should of been had not him resorting to that, that's alot of money to spend I'd be fuming

That's cheating, 100% cheating

Idk what to say because sex in a marriage is VERY VERY IMPORTANT I’m not saying he right he is very very wrong but in this society we really need to take care of our man or sad to say someone else will. I DO BELIEVE he hasn’t had sex with anyone else he really just feeding his sex drive the best way that he can because he not getting it from you a year no sex dang girl

He is cheating that's for sure. Over 2k is crazy when he can watch porn for free he's not to be trusted. He wants you to budget so he can what spend more money on other women? No. Distance yourself and focus on what makes you happy don't let him walk all over you whether you have kids or not.

It’s hypocritical to spend like that and harp about budgeting. It’s also it unrealistic to think someone won’t stray in some way if no sex in a year + Run, don’t walk to therapy together.

No he needs help and you need to leave him because this isn't just going to turn a leaf it's just going to get worse

Oh yikes. Honestly, you’re both kind of in the wrong. Obviously your husband more than you, but still. A year is a LONG time without sex, especially in a marriage. Your husband felt neglected and made some extremely poor (stupid) decisions that ultimately could make him lose you as a repercussion.
Marriage counseling, Marital Sex Therapist asap. Like 6 months ago.

Maybe it's an eye opener to set money aside for yourself too. Go spoil yourself abit sometime. However, men are created totally different, denying him sex is so hard on them. Sometimes it's not up to you but about them. Give him sex even if you don't feel like, for your marriage's sake.

Oh hell no… porn is one thing, PAYING for girls attention and time is gross. I take it as cheating 100% that’s him filling emotional needs if he needs to chat with then too. 🤮

What he did is definitely crossing a boundary and he’s definitely in the wrong for doing that. That being said withholding sex for a YEAR from your partner is also borderline abusive. Most (healthy) men struggle immensely without any sexual connection. I think it’s extremely selfish to deny your husband for that long just because you don’t “feel” in the mood. Sounds like y’all really need therapy asap but I wouldn’t divorce over this. I think there is hope.

If my husband spent 2K on anything in secret while restricting my spending, we’d have an issue. That’s a financial infidelity. The emotional and sex piece is a separate bit but that’s a whole issue on its own

2K ? That’s out of control ! I would be so hurt and angry ! He needs to be confronted, immediately

This thread was very interesting with the different views on the no sex part and the 2k paying for sex part...... seeing the different perspectives is something

Girl porn bring spirits for sex which is lust demon!! Yes he looking to please hisself cause your not involved with him… at this situation it’s on you to engage with some sex hot pleasure so you but get arouse!! Mommy time to get in the mood!! Like dancing outside!! Also being sexual wearing lingerie clothes!!

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ketamine?

Has anybody here tried low dosage ketamine treatments for anxiety or depression? I’m always seeing advertisements from brands like “Joyous” and I’m curious to see if anybody has first hand experiences. I’m definitely interested considering I’m still struggling with PPD and major anxiety nowadays.

Looking for a texting buddy/IG friends

Even friends in real life haha ! I want to make more connections. 🤍 I lean more liberal, nothing against conservatives but I would have more in common with people who think like me, if that’s you, hit me up! 🤍

SAHM - what surprises you most about being a sahm?

Is it what you expected? What are your challenges? I will go first. My biggest challenge is personal development. I was in the middle of deciding what or how i was gonna make money. Now having a baby…. being tired, brain fog, home cleaning, and just balance makes it really hard to explore and figure it out.
Also i now realize how much moms really go through. I was the childless friend! Now i see the behind the scenes emotions, need for love support and understanding, and trying to make it in life! I celebrate and support all pregnant women and parents … especially of small children!

Am I just fucked?

I need a new car. I purchased my current honda civic in 2024 after my car was totaled in an accident. Seemingly there was nothing wrong with it. I went alone to the dealership because my dad lived out of state and my bf wasn’t available anyways. Couple months down the road, the cars sensors start going berserk. We got it checked at the honda dealership and with our own family known mechanic and no problems came up. It was just wack. Fast forward to know, the car has about 155k miles. We bought it at 125k, I know STUPID CHOICE. Here’s why i’m ultra fucked though. I’ve been a SAHM for the last year, my baby is 7 months old. I’m starting a part time job next month but literally at 10 hours a week. That’s the most I can do as I do not want to put my baby in daycare and do not have any family that can watch him for an extenuous amount of time everyday.

Besides the fact that the honda civic is kind of uncomfortable to fit the huge car seat, the stroller snd stroller seat attachment. which i don’t wanna have to repurchase and buy a smaller one. The car is SHIT. The car runs weird right off the bat anyone will say that when they drive. The engine light is on. There must be a hole or something in the AC unit because the AC is broke and everytime we put the AC gas in it it ends up leaking within 1-2 weeks. AC gas is kinda expensive to be refilling it that often. My dad doesn’t think I should put any money into this car to fix it. We still owe about 3k. We want to trade it in however my parents think that I should get a NEW car since this used car gave us such bad faith. Mind you, when I got it and for a couple months after, none of these problems were there :/ I drove from NJ to BOSTON a few months after getting it and the emergency sensors went off and the car was shaking bad and i had to pull over. Never found out what that was about.

I have 5k to put down. BTW, my parents are heavily involved because i’m 24 and I live with them (me and my bf) in hopes to move out when we have the funds for that. I don’t wanna ask my BF for any money. I know he’ll just throw it back in my face down the line during an argument because he thinks a paycheck is the extent of his contribution as a partner and father. Whole other story. My parents can’t afford to throw any money at a new car. My dad thinks I should get a new car that’s relatively recent like 2023+. Not for the aesthetic but because he thinks insurance rates might be better for a newer vehicle. They want me to ask my BF to contribute since it would be a family car for us. That he would also be able to ride around in when he’s not driving to work in his own car. I dont wanna downgrade to just 1 car because he goes into work incredibly early and I dont wanna have to wake my baby up at 4am and take him to drop his dad off. I also just need my own car because Im starting a part time job soon. I could just use my part time dollars to pay it off but what if I’m stuck with a car note in the event anything happened with this job? My bf and his family suggested we buy a car from enterprise because it’d always gone well.. however i told him there’s a lot of risk in buying a RENTAL CAR. and he said there’s also a lot of risk in buying a used car from a dealership. He said you’re NOT getting a new car. a new car to me isn’t about the aesthetics, it’s about the security that we wont have the same issue we’ve had with the used car i bought in 2024 which was seemingly great when we first got it.

Anyways, I don’t drive my car anymore. Because of all its sensors and issues. But it’s not practical to keep having to use my parents car to get around. I don’t know what to do, if there is anything TO do. Seems like i’m just backed into a corner. My honda is just losing value as it sits in the drive way, already is very low value due to the shit miles it has.

I get I should just maybe lean on my BF as he did agree to help with the down payment and the car note but I just don’t want to. He will throw it back in my face. That’s for certain. I also don’t wanna make a poor financial decision that’s gonna effect me and my baby in the long run.

Besties

Looking for friends! I don’t really have many friends or really anyone I talk to and would love to find a bestie! I’m a stay at home mom full time to my 6 year old and 2 month old boy mom in Oklahoma!

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Is there any mommy group ? That’s not messy 😭 or drama .