Help! Should I stay? Or leave?
Me (20f) and my boyfriend(22m) have been long distance ever since he moved for his job in January (lasted about 6 months). I found out I was pregnant shortly after that. From January to August we were long distance and I basically went through my pregnancy alone. I ended up moving across the country to be with him so we can raise this baby together. The only people I have here are him and his parents (whom I love). I recently found out that on our baby moon he was texting this girl planning to meet up with her once I went back home (I was 5 months pregnant at the time). She is a woman from his past. They ended up texting for around 2 months while we were still long distance. They never actually ended up meeting up but the intentions were there. Their plans fell thought. Fast forward to now I am nine months pregnant and have just found out all of this.
Realistically this is not the first time he has done something like this because it has happened before when we first got together, with a difference scenario. I thought we moved past it. I forgave him and he seemed to have changed. I guess I was wrong. I am hurt and want to leave him. I just don’t know how I would face everybody that told me not to move out there to be with him. I know he’s actually sorry but I do feel like this is something he could do again. I guess he’s not mature enough and that cost him his family. I feel awful for my poor child that will no longer have the chance to be raised in a 2 parent household. I was raised in a loving house, as was he. My baby doesn’t deserve this.
Overall: should I move back home? Or try to make it work?
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I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
What has he said about the situation?
he’s been very apologetic. Obviously bc he knows he’s caught.. but he’s just been saying how he’s sorry it was a dumb mistake. He will do anything to regain trust blah blah. I just don’t know how we will recover
Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice….., you get it. Texting for two months is a continuous choice. Emotional cheating. Having been through a similar scenario (early pregnancy with my oldest caught SO red-handed messaging with intentions of meeting up) I advise you to move on and coparent.
Sounds like you want to be done. You just don't want to face everyone who told you not to do it? If that's the case, don't let those people be a factor in your decision. If you want to be done, then be done. Even if you move back home, hold your head high. Yeah, you might not have heeded their warning, but sometimes you just gotta try for yourself and for the chance that it all could've worked out.
And don't worry about your baby either. Just because it didn't work out with their dad doesn't mean they can't grow up in a two parent household.
My mom left my dad when I was 12 and married my step dad like 3 years later. And their marriage was 10000% better than my mom and dad were. My dad was just like this, messaging females, meeting up, and cheating. And kids do pick up on those things. Sounds like this wasn't the first time, and it probably won't be the last.
Do what you think is best for you and your child. If that's with or without him, only you can really know that.
the problem is, he did all of those things as well. He was very engaged in our relationship. Physically I was alone but he was there over the phone. Since we have lived together he has been amazing but I just found out about the cheating… it makes me feel like everything was a lie
Move back home dear. Dw about what everyone will say but only focus on your baby. He is young but not matured yet unfortunately unlike you as a mama bear now. Move back home leave him alone. Your family will always be there since they seem like a close one. You're young and you got this and you'll bounce back soon enough. As well keep in mind that men always play up when babies are involved. If he doesn't man up immediately there's still a chance they man up after the baby is here however it may be too much for the woman to endure till then. If you think you can stay with him for now have the baby first and recover and see how it goes with him. He might sort himself out for the better however if he doesn't then go back home soon. Use the first year to gauge his new position as your partner and father of your child.
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