Do I need help?

Sorry for the long post *tw abortion* - I can't accept that I'm writing this but I think I just need to blurt my feelings out and know if anyone else has felt this way or if there is something wrong with me.

My due date was a month away yesterday and in all honestly I am petrified. I've hated every minute of being pregnant yet now I don't want it to end. I can't wait to have the baby out of me yet I am petrified of what's to come?

My baby was a shock, I went through the abortion thoughts but I never went ahead with it, Now im wondering if I made a mistake. There are days where I just wish this wasn't my life.

I do love my baby dearly, getting her wardrobe/pram/crib ready etc has made me so excited. Some days I just can't wait to have her in my arms but others I am petrified and I just wish I could back out.

I feel so guilty even writing this, I will not talk to my partner about it because I know he will never understand but I just don't know what to do. I love my baby so so much and I think part of me is just accepting that life is about to change so much but then I also don't feel ready to become a mother when I feel like this.

I am really struggling with my body image now, we live at home with my mum as we can't afford to private rent and housing associations are no help, I have horrendous PGP, anxiety and depression, we're having some serious problems with the in laws - I'm not sure if this has something to do with it.

I don't know if I'm just scared, I've always been someone to doubt myself or I don't know if I need therapy or something because this little human needs a loving mum - I am so scared I won't be able to provide that but I know as soon as I see her I'll be an emotional mess, i also feel so protective of her and I don't want to share her with anyone else.. I just don't know what's going on with me and why I sometimes get "cold feet"... is it normal?☹️

(I haven't felt like this since I decided I wouldn't proceed with the abortion, only the odd occasion where pregnancy has got too much and I've felt like I couldn't do it anymore but not to this extreme where there's some days I am not even excited)

Read more on Peanut

The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.

Learn more about our guidelines.

Add a comment

I'd say cold feet is absolutely normal! Our baby was a shock and we also booked an appointment for an abortion, we weighed out pro's and cons of having a baby, we had been together 4 years and had lockdown in between so everything happened so fast. I was never outgoing until I met him and started making friends as I never had then before, everything changes when you have a baby, and don't get me wrong when my boyfriend used to go out when I was pregnant I was so fucking angry that I couldn't go out and enjoy myself, but at the same time when I was pregnant I loved her so bloody much and had the same feelings as you. Me and the other half laid in bed 2 months before my due date talking about how things are going to change, how scary but amazing it will be, now I think about us booking that abortion it makes me sad, because we have a beautiful daughter who we love so much and is the best thing that's ever happened to us ❤️

I can't really offer advice but I went through the body image thing. I knew getting pregnant would change my body but I didn't realize it would affect me mentally like it did. I struggled horribly with it. The point that broke me was my husbands nana telling me I didn't look pregnant and I was 8 months along and huge!
I had to be induced and we knew i wouldn't make it to my due date (health issues) but the closer it got to my induction date the more nervous I became. I have anxiety and depression I'm supposed to be medicated for but currently I am not. I was terrified about how I was going to react if I was going to love her outside the womb the way I loved her inside if I could provide for her etc. I have a hard time sharing her even with my husband but I'm trying. It's all the hormones and reality setting it. It is normal and you will get through it mama ❤️ if you need someone to talk to you can talk to me.

I think the hormones play a part here. I felt several things you did. I wanted to stay pregnant forever, I was petrified of having my baby and having to share her (even with my husband to some extent) and if you don’t get along with your in laws, I’d expect that fear to be worse. From your post, I see that you love your baby and are willing to do what you can to make sure she’s going to get the best of you. That is pretty big. Trust yourself. If you want to talk it through in a therapy session then go for it. X

in our community

Does anyone else hate their partner?

I’m now a little over 2 months postpartum and I’ve struggled with genuinely just not liking my partner anymore since we found out I was pregnant last year. I catch myself just staring at him with hatred because I’m so sick and tired of his bullshit. He is just now getting a job and has not had one since THANKSGIVING!!! Meanwhile I was working full time until I finally got too sick to be able to work. I genuinely want him out of my house but I depend on him as far as driving goes bc I don’t have a car. I also still love him deep down and don’t want to put him out on the street but he’s driving me genuinely insane. Any advice?

Help!!!

Am I wrong if I secide to stop doing baths etc for my little ones. We have a 3 and 1 year old. I do all the baths wake up in ams cooking etc. I dont want them to be dirty but it's like I need a break and Im tired of doing it all by myself. He will come up and help after they are out the tub every now and then and that pisses me off. Im taking care of 2 littles one by myself makes no sense. I asked him to give them baths tonight he said I worked all day what did you do...ive had the children all day. We went to church he didn't go. We all know how little ones are.. but what should I do bcus it feels like I'm going crazy

Heartbreak

After years of trying, months of back and fourth on the fate of our marriage, indecision, fights. The whole enchilada my husband and I are separating, divorcing. Whatever. I'm so goddamn heart broken. I feel like it's a death and I'm in mourning. We have a 3 year old son and currently and for the foreseeable we are going to coparent and live together. This makes things harder because neither one of us can really move on but it's how it is. He understands and he's trying to heal too. But I can't understand why now that things are over he can be kind. He's been more amazing in the last week since I ended things than ever. Why couldn't he do that when we were together for years I begged for change, we saw a counselor I tried everything and he just wouldn't. Now he seems to turn a switch and be able to just do it all. But it's too late. My heart aches. My body aches. Love sucks.

Partner works incredibly long hours, how much do they help out?

I'm struggling. Have been for a while. I've had one break from parenting my daughter, that was for 3 hours in December when I left her with her dad.

She's 14 months old and I'm just tired. I've done every night by myself. He's out of bed at 4am and doesn't get home until 7-9pm. He drives for work, very physically tiring.
On the weekends he was doing 6 days, one weekend day off, but now has both off.

He doesn't sit on the floor and play with her, he doesn't read to her because he says she doesn't have the patience.
He will pick her up and hold her whilst he's cooking.

Recently I've been "snappy" with him.
He got back from the mechanic last weekend, she was getting onto the sofa and he put his headphones on and started to watch Netflix on his phone.
The same day I told him I was going to run her bath and to watch her whilst she was still eating, he fell asleep on the sofa.

Today he went to football after going shopping, so was out 1-3 and then from 4-8.
He got back and I was snappy.

"I don't get why you're so snappy with me"

I said - Probably because I haven't had a break since December.

"Do you think I don't know you haven't had a break. I haven't had a break", "I just won't go to work, I'll sit at home all day".

Then "do you think I like not having a connection to my child"... But that's on him? He never sits to play with her. He "doesn't see the point". He's stated that this age is boring to him.

Since she's been born, he has been to a friend's once a month. Football - He stopped going for 7months, but has been the last two weekends.

Are these not breaks?

He does do the washing/washing up/cooking/vacuuming when I haven't had a chance to; but I'm the one in charge of feeding her, naps/bedtime, teeth brushing, hair brushing, baths, dressing her, making sure she has the right shoes, appointments etc. Everything falls on me.

If your partner works ridiculously long hours, how much do they look after your child? Do you ever get a break?

Am I wrong ?

My daughter’s 1st birthday was Thursday and nobody wished her a happy birthday from her dads family but his mom watched his story. Should I put my foot down and set boundaries for them to accept accountability or should I just let them stay on that side for as long as they want and not worry about it?

Tv good or bad

My 4 month old loves TV shows especially dancing fruits and baby TV is this a good thing or a bad thing at this age?