My toddler hates getting ready, doing her hair, putting on clothes, etc

Honestly. No. It's not normal. If I can help... I see a few underlying reasons it could be this way.

1. She's over tired. She needs to be going to bed way earlier than 10pm. Most of your melatonin is regenerated/produced in the sleeping hours prior to midnight. She's only getting 2 hours of melatonin production instead of the 4-5 she should be getting. Then that takes care of #2
2. She's so tired she can't be accommodating or ready to do her day. She shouldn't feel the to fight you on everything. She may want to make choices and some are ok, but with proper sleep and a good routine so she feels secure, this shouldn't be a big battle.
I never had these sorts of battles and I've had 2 toddlers, working on a 3rd (he's almost 10 mo)

I work in child development with infant mental health and development being a particular focus of mine so I hope I helped 🙏

i did actually bring up the sleep thing to my husband yesterday cause I have noticed her being a little more willing (not exactly to go to bed because it’s still a fight buuut like she will make comments about sleeping around 9pm now when before she never did this.) It all sparked from changing classes at daycare so I’m wondering if she naps less in there cause there’s way more kids in the new class..before she was napping 2-3 hours a day in her last class. But i still try for bed early. Like last night i tried at 9pm and she got mad and requested food cause she was hungry. (She always does this. Right before bed she’s hungry) We made her more snack foods fast and then tried again but she just tried to leave the room. I lay with her until she goes to sleep but then she just cries for “daddy” or whoever the other person who isn’t putting her down. I finally got her to actually be sleeping at 10:30pm. So idk what to do.

My husband works until 8pm but bedtime is usually on me anyway but idk if i have to start just an hour earlier?? Do i just start around 8pm to get her down by 9pm? We just notice if she does go to bed early like this she wakes sometimes around 2-4am and won’t stop screaming until we bring her into our room. Idk why this is such a battle. But I’m losing my mind!!! I kinda always thought she was just a kid with less sleep needs than normal cause she hates going to bed and i was trying to eliminate her waking up in the middle of the night. I just wish she went to bed independently. Cause it’s just a hassle to lay in bed with her every night until she goes to bed.

I agree with Tiffany. This isn't normal.

She could be overtired. Do you have a bedtime routine? I do one with my almost 2 year old, and doing the save thing each night helps her wind down before bed. Mine will also try and ask for a snack or milk before bed, and I just tell her all I have is water. She might whine for a few minutes, but once she realizes I'm serious, she happily drinks the water and lays down. I didn't want to give in and get her in the habit of eating so late or after her teeth were brushed.

As for naps, my daughter stopped napping on her own when she turned 1, but will sleep a full 12 hours at night. She started doing that on her own, and I just let her self manage.

I've never had trouble with baths or showers. My daughter loves both. But recently I broke my foot and ended up needing to take baths instead of showers. Anyway, my daughter thinks it's hilarious and always wants in the bath with me. So maybe try taking a bath with your daughter and she'll see it's no big deal?

Wow! Just commenting cause well not in same boat, but just with not wanting to get hair done or to bathe same exact reason not wanting to get her wash 🤦🏾‍♀️ literally been doing both since birth and she just dont like neither of the 2 anymore. 😭😭😭... I hope it gets better for you ❤❤❤

Reach out to her primary care physician. Mention everything that you typed here and demand help and resources. She may have sensory sensitivities and/or needs that are not being met. The hair fixing and hair washing sound like sensory sensitivities or aversions. Sleep issues. Every child is different but these are not “normal” issues. My 8, 6, and 4 year old are in bed actively going to sleep by 8pm, asleep by 8:20pm.
You mentioned that she may just not want to get ready because she is going to daycare. My youngest has HORRIBLE anxiety. If we have something coming up for the day that he knows about involving going somewhere with lots of people etc, he is a nightmare because he’s so anxious and snaps about every little thing. He’ll procrastinate getting dressed or fight about it all together.
These honestly all sound like sensory issues in my experience. Not to worry you, but my oldest is Autistic, 2 years old is when we really began to feel the effects. Schedule with your primary.

A few things that may help: a sliding chart with what’s next to help with transitions. If you search “to do list” on Amazon, there are tons of cheap ones and you just write in the steps and draw pictures. That really helped bedtime with my son. It also sound like there are some sensory challenges. Target makes “accessible” clothes with lay-flat seams so they don’t rub little bodies, or anything that is marketed to kids with sensory challenges. Some kids feel safer in very tight compressive clothing, some kids like my son like oversized with the waistband not exerting any pressure. I’d try different ways of pouring the water (cup, faucet, squirt bottle, etc) or even let her choose the method to have some autonomy. My son doesn’t like the spray faucet over his head but happily lets me rinse him with his little toy watering can, and I’ve taught him to wipe his face dry with a soft little washcloth after. Get curious!

Will she let you brush it while wet? We use a tangle teezer brush in the shower. I was a kid who wouldn’t let my mom touch my head, and I still have a very sensitive scalp as an adult. I brush my own hair while conditioning and then again while wet right out of the shower, and that’s usually it. If she will allow that, you could braid it while wet or do another protective style. If she likes frozen, they make little Anna and Elsa hairstyling heads and she could do their hair while you do hers. Double down on explaining and demonstrating and prepping for next steps, but fake as much calm confidence as you can manage!

I do think I’d let clothes go at night, there’s nothing wrong with sleeping naked and if there is something sensory going on, having time to calm her nervous system will likely help all the battles. I also know a mom who puts her kid in the outfit for the next day at night to eliminate that battle in the morning.

I would try waking her earlier too in case a longer transition period helps. My son needs at least an hour before going anywhere, and at least 5 minutes of quiet cuddle time before I start trying to feed him and do tasks.

yeah this is basically what a sleep person told us, she was going to bed too late and waking too late (which sucks cause i didn’t know how else to do it cause i have to leave for work early and if she is going to bed so late I jsut can’t wake up in the morning any earlier without dying for work..but yeah they suggested 6am buuut just sucks cause then it’s on me. My husband refuses to wake up before 7:30/8am since he goes to between between 1am-3am. But gunna try it for a week and see what happens!

He offered he could MAYBE wake up at 7:30am at the earliest and i have to leave for work 7:15/7:30am at the VERY latest so I’m thinking if i turn on the tv for her she may be fine for 15-30 mins on the couch alone while my husband is waking up upstairs. Lol