Advice is welcomed. Judgement can stay at the door.
Hi mamas.
Long story short… I am in an abusive relationship.
Mostly mentally but has gotten physical.
My partner and I are in the middle of a divorce. We have filed and are awaiting the process. Due to the financial situation we are in he still lives in my home.
We moved from out of state here for my job about a year ago and he has struggled to get a job and has been staying home with no income for the past year.
We have two daughters and he picks them up from middle school and that is the extent of his day.
We do bicker back and forth but it had been kept amicable as could be until this week.
We got into an argument over text while I was work.
The issue was me not replying back fast enough.
For context he texted me at 11:57 and I replied back at 12:06. This to him of course meant I was fucking a coworker and couldn’t reply to him.
I work a customer service type of job. So when a customer walks in I have to assist them and cannot reply until they leave or until I can step away from the main area.
Since I didn’t reply he took it upon himself to go through all my stuff and try and find proof of infidelity. He went through my iPad, laptop, and even kindle. All to prove his point.
I let him know that I would be changing my passwords and adding lock screens to my devices and I didn’t see why he would invade my privacy over something I wasn’t doing.
To add, I have never been unfaithful not have I considered it an option. I am a child of divorce due to infidelity and I refuse to continue that cycle.
Despite him knowing my feelings towards this he always accuses me of it.
Our angered carried over to the evening and when I arrived home I ignored him. We had dinner and after that I was sitting with my you get one watching tv and I had my laptop out. He saw me change the passcode and was angry as could be.
He smacked the couch so loud that me and my daughter both jumped.
He then asked me if I was really gonna block him out of my stuff to which I replied yes. He insulted my appearance saying no one would want me after him and letting myself go. I said that’s fine I have no need for anyone but myself and my kids.
Since his insult towards me didn’t get me how he wanted to he then turned to my daughter and said your mom wants me out of this house she wants me to leave.
My daughter burst in tears and ran to her sisters room.
I couldn’t believe that he would make her cry to get me upset.
I told him that I was allowing him to stay so he could be close to the girls but that if this is the way he was going to act he had to go that night.
He then said if I leave I will kill myself. To which I responded and that is your choice not mine.
He then kept telling me that he would kill myself in the house in front of all of us.
He has said this before, expecting me to beg him not to. This time I said you do what you need to do but you are not staying here tonight.
My girls didn’t hear the suicide part thankfully.
After going back and forth for an hour on him not wanting to leave and saying if I made him leave he would kill himself I finally said you go on your ow or with the police.
He got some clothes and started to walk out.
He then turned and asked me what are you gonna tell them ayer I kill myself? In a super angry tone. I refuses to answer and he just kept repeating himself.
I told him that how was he mad at me for him wanting to take his own life but it goes onto deaf ears.
The next morning he showed up wanting to see the girls. He has no family and no friends that live around us.
He has always been depressed but refuses to get help.
And aside from this incident he is a great dad.
We just as a couple do not work out. But him as a dad I can’t speak bad of.
Should I let him stay until he can get a place of his own? Should I trust him with the girls?
He won’t get mental help. And the other option for him is to live in his car or take his own life.
Would I be responsible if he does?
Any and all advice is welcomed. But my mind can’t take judgment. Thank you in advance.
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You’re not responsible for other peoples choices, especially if they’re grown. Get in contact with local dv organizations if you can to make a safety plan
It sounds like he really needs help and for the sake of your daughters not having to potentially deal with tragically losing their father.. I would call the cops and put him on 5150 if you truly believe he is suicidal. My husband has struggled with depression and thankfully he has gotten help which brought him back to me. The dv part should also be addressed and you should seek help as well. Very tough situation to be in.
Just left my abusive relationship in March, I’ve learned so much through out this process. One. I used to think he was a good dad. If he is abusive regardless if it’s mentally/physically, he’s a bad dad. Two. Do not underestimate men like this. My ex is now using the court system to retaliate me leaving him. Get out as soon as you can. I literally got a restraining order the second he decided to forcefully take my phone car keys and lap top away, and he was finally forced to leave my home. My ex threatened me with it ALL. You aren’t responsible for him. Take care of your kids, before the repercussions are too far too gone.
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