VISITATION & OVERNIGHT STAY WITH EX
Please I need some Opinion…😩😩
So my son’s father (based in Scotland and I in England) has sent a message saying he'll be coming for a few days on the week of our son’s 2nd Birthday and if our son lets him, he will like to spend 1-2 nights with him (including the night of his birthday).
I have sent a message saying that it is best to prioritize our son’s well-being and comfort. Given that he hasn't had the opportunity to build a strong bond with him due to the limited contact he has had (the last time he visited was in March and this would be the second time he was seeing our son since the separation which was the previous year in March when our son was 3 months old). I told him I think it would be best to gradually reintroduce him to our son especially if this is consistent but I believe that overnight stays would be too much at this time. I offered to supervise the visit with us going to either the park or soft play areas during the day.
He replays to say “He agrees, that our son’s well-being should be our top priority, and his comfort as well as emotional state should be considered, which is why he stated that he would like to spend 1 or 2 nights with him "if he lets me". Which means he is leaving it up to him.” 😳😳
Please, how does he leave the decision of spending the night to a 2-year-old? Am I the one who’s missing something here or am I overreacting? He feels like if our son becomes comfortable with him maybe during the day then that means that he is going to be comfortable at night😳. I am just trying to imagine how terrified our son would probably be if he woke up at night(because he still doesn't sleep through the night) and then saw the strange face of a man with him. Like why can't these men take into account any of these things?
I am our son’s primary caregiver and I have suggested that I believe it will be in the best interest to build up their bond gradually and being consistent would help with that.
I also worry that the probability of him taking him back to Scotland is very high as he has made threats before that he would take him from me especially since there are no court orders in place and I left the marriage because of how abusive it was. As hard as it gets to try my best to protect myself from further abuse and also have a balance of still getting him involved in our son’s life, I'm not sure how to respond to him because I know he would say I'm saying he has no right to spend the night with our son which isn't the case.
Please, am I overreacting here? I need some advice please 🙏🏽
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honestly! It's sad that they actually don't prioritize these kids. And when you point things out (as obvious as it may be), you still end up being the bad person. Last birthday, he wanted to come and take our son out without me being there, and in his words, he wanted to spoil our son. 🤦🏽♀️
Hi having gone through with an ex threatening to keep/take son away and then actually going through with it I would say stick to your guns and do not allow him to have your child alone, he will most likely take him back to Scotland with him and you will have trouble getting him back.
Also men really do have no clue about children! To think a 2 year old could decide what they need! Reminds me of ny ex too cos he used to think that just cos he half made the child that he could take the child away for a week and it not impact the child at all 🙄
Does he really think a two year old is capable of making that decision? He is clueless! X
am so sorry to hear that! I can only imagine how it must have felt for both you and your son😟. I wish things were different for mums, especially after going through the different challenges of Pregnancy, Labour, and delivery. We still have to deal with inconsiderate men 😩 who never try to understand what it feels like. I hope you're in a better place now. xx
oh no! Why do they do that? Please, don't beat yourself up. You were only doing right by your child and putting his feelings first. Unfortunately, his dad hasn't considered how his actions affect his son and that's on him, not you. Thanks a lot, I'll do my best to protect my son and not allow my ex to bully me to bend to whatever he wants, just to satisfy his desires 😤
he actually does and once I point out that his thinking is flawed he acts so defensively and accuses me of stopping him from having any relationship with our son. 🤦🏽♀️
This may help you feel more confident in yourself anyway that you are doing right by your son and by yourself, I recommend to do the free course the Freedom programme. These are typical abusive traits men show when they want to retain control, it is a stage by stage process to just have control, highly recommend as you will feel empowered to do right by your son and know you aren't feeling crazy with how he is treating you/your response to it x
Thanks
I believe so because I joined the Freedom Program before they went for the summer break and even though I have only been to 3 sessions, it felt like a light bulb turned on in my head! I didn't realize how deeply my husband’s actions had impacted me in so many negative ways and I could place a name on his behaviors. I'm hoping to join them again once they are back in session
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