Anyone else?

Anyone else in a similar situation or feeling the same way as me?

Just had a baby, and she's 4 weeks old now. SD is 12. SD lives with mum full time and we have her EOW and some nights a week occasionally. Since I've had baby, SD really annoys me, and I dread the weekends she's here. I'm hoping it's just hormones and it'll pass, but I just feel uncomfortable when she's around and that she's reporting stuff that I do back to BM. She will sometimes undermine me also when it comes to parenting, she will question what I'm doing and it just makes me want to tell her to fuck off (I havent)

I find it so difficult to be myself and parent SD the way I want to because me and BM have very different parenting styles and OH will just get shit from BM for it, and of course I don't want to make OHs life harder.

I'm just thinking very irrationally at the moment and wondering if anyone else is feeling the same or if I am just being a cold hearted bitch?!

It's awkward as well because she's quite an immature 12 YO and super clumsy so I don't trust her with baby, and I struggle to explain that to SD, as she is very sensitive but also I will put the safety of my baby above anything. Hate that I feel this way and wish I could just be laid back but the struggle is real!

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I can totally feel you. I have a SD7 and a SS8, and the struggle is real. We all live together, and it's hard sometimes because she'll hurt or do mean things to young ones. I am lucky that I found out eventually as I was secretly recording it for a video, when I found out she was playing so roughly with them and bulling them, but now I stay aware when they all are together and keep my eye every single time and don't leave Young one's alone for a second .
It's okay to feel that way no matter what you will do or not, you'll be a SM and you can't change the fact. So it's better to accept it and just treat them as any other person you'll see around and be aware of everything.
Your husband should love all his kids equally, but you can't love them unconditionally. You'll like them. You can respect them. That's all. Your husband loves her because that's his daughter, but accepting you to love her in the same way is not possible.

Feel free to talk DM anytime 😊

I agree with Uzma. I love my stepson, I always thought I loved him like my own but when my son arrived I realised it was more like a nephew type of love. He has his own (wonderful) mum and my son only has me. It’s not just my stepson that annoys me, it’s everyone who does something I wouldn’t with my son, my dad put the back of the pram up when I asked him not to and I found out when I sent him a photo of my son in his pram and he told me to put it upright ‘because he likes it’ 🙃. Or if someone kisses him on the face when I’ve asked them not to.

My stepson is boisterous and can play too rough or loud near my son and it gets on my nerves and I think it’s the protective instinct we have for our babies xx

@Chloe, you can't even discuss these things with anyone else, especially your partner, because no matter what, we love our kids, and he has different feelings than you. At first, it feels okay, but things change, and it's hard, and it's everyday struggle, and it's as minor as it could be or major tbh .
Last night, I found out the toothpaste on my son's head, which at first I thought he probably played around with brush, but it comes out my SD was spitting on his head can you belive it why.
I am raising them all together, but it coming out totally different personalities. How come 🙄

Thank you both so much for responding. It's honestly such a struggle. It's nice to know I'm not alone, but i'm sorry you're also having to deal with this!

I 100% agree that it feels more like a niece type of love when it comes to SD. And the fact that my daughter only has me, whereas my SD has many people! Others do annoy me too but it's definitely more the SD and I think it's because I can't just be myself around them, I've been in their life for 7 years, been with partner for 8, and within the last year it came out that SD was reporting stuff back to BM and BM was lapping it up (even though the stuff wasn't even true). So now I just feel on edge all the time and can't just tell SD how it is or treat them as I would my own, instead I feel like I have to tip toe around them, it's honestly such an isolating feeling!! And I hate that it's putting a dampener on my first month with my own baby 😔 just wish I could turn this feeling off completely! Xx

I know it's hard, but eventually, with time, everything will go on its place. Your baby is quite young atm once they are old enough they'll stick around to their brothers or sisters for them they are just there brothers or sisters they don't understand for a while about step and they'll eventually leave your side and play and stay with them more tbh that's another story...my YO 3 yrs old and he'll no matter what plays with them and enjoys so I let it go most of the time...
We choose a hard life by choosing a partner with their past, which will stay with us for the present and future we have to work it out by ourselves a person who is in our shoe only can understand the feeling...but these stuff takes time and hormones to settle down will takes time too..

Hope you do well

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Baby clothes

Just out of curiosity, why do parents love zipper onesies?

Don’t get me wrong, I tried zipper ones it’s easy to zip in and out when putting it on the first time and taking it out, but I find it difficult when changing diapers especially when baby is asleep.

I prefer those kimono style buttons where it’s easy to button or too down button with crotch snaps.

Is everyone thinking the same or different? Lol

AITA

In the uk there is an outbreak of meningitis, in a specific area mainly. My BD has family from that area and decided to go and meet up with them, I said if he does then he cannot have contact with the kids for 7-10 days after incase he picks anything up. Am I being over dramatic? I reallyyy don’t want my young kids getting anything serious

This might rattle some people

Ok, this might get a bit long, and a bit bumpy, so get comfy and buckle up.

So about a week or 2 ago, there was a post on here regarding sleepovers. Not letting their child go to them as you can't trust who'll be at the house etc.

Now, given recent incidents in nurseries and schools, plus my own experience back in the 90s, I am more concerned about sending my child to nursery and later school than I am to a friend's house for a sleep over.

The other day a man was jailed for abusing children at the nursery he worked at. A woman has been arrested for sleeping with an underage boy and then getting pregnant by a different underage boy while on bail for the first offence.

Young girls and boys get sexually harassed and bullied when at school, not all of them. But more than you think. And not just by other kids, but by adults who we as parents are trusting to look after our kids.

A sleepover, is a more controlled environment, with only a handful of people coming into contact with your child. A school, a club etc there can be 100s of people coming into contact with your child.

I was targeted at 7 years old by the owner of a prominent private school. Thankfully, I wasn't SA'd. In year 5 of primary school, I started to develop early, I was harassed by the boys and teachers made remarks about how my uniform didn't fit right, always "adjusting it" around my chest and legs.

Years 7-9 of secondary school were hell. But it was all under the guise of "we're just messing around". A teacher twanging my exposed bra strap (none uniform day) is not "messing around".

Boys pinning me down trying to rip open my shirt to see my breasts.

I fear for my daughter. I hope she takes after my father's family, flat chested.

We need to educate all our children, what is acceptable behaviour. And to come to us, as their parents should ANYTHING happen.

At this point I’m not enjoying motherhood

My 22 month old is horrendous at the moment🫣 biting, hitting, pushing, pulling and shoving not only adults but children he also wants what other children have and will just snatch it away from them.

We repeat ‘nice hands’ ‘be gentle’ ‘let’s share’ etc

But how do I make him understand what he’s doing isn’t very nice? At the end of the day I feel like I’ve just been saying his name all day and nothing else.

What can I do?

Car seat

No idea which car seat to get next. Please hit me with your recommendations, 1year+ (preferably rear facing or 360). Thank you 🫶🏻

Dummy

My baby has had a dummy since about 2 weeks old (now 5 months) and over the course of the last month we weaned her off it during the day only for naps and night (which was fine) and then 5 days took it completely away during the day.

The first day no dummy was fine, the second bit rougher. But now it feels impossible she just moans and cries all the time it takes ages for her to go down to sleep (she’s always been an amazing sleeper)

I thought it was meant to get better as time went on not worse. I’m at my wits end I dunno what to do.

Currently typing this as she screams uncontrollably in the car and I cry with her cos I can’t do anything.