Feeling like a failure

So my twins are 18 months old, and long story short I didn't have them around each other a lot (they slept in separate cribs/bassinets and we didn't do a lot of tummy time/floor time). Once they were able to crawl around/ walk we bought a giant playpen for them to play together but by that point they seemed uninterested in their sibling. I feel so terrible because I messed up that twin bond but both had bad reflux and one of them also had bad colic so I wanted them separate so they didn't keep the other awake. My daughter with colic was always in our arms because she would seriously cry nonstop because her reflux was so bad. Is there a way to help them bond now? I feel like they're never interested in playing with each other, just taking each other's toys or pushing each other out of the way when they're trying to play with me. Literally my day consists of them each bringing me different toys/ books and when I try to get us all to play together or try to hold them both, one will walk away. It makes me feel so bad, so I'm hoping I can fix it. And please no negative comments. I know I messed up and should've had them together more. I had really bad PPD/PPA and was caring for them the majority of the time by myself so I did what I could when I could. Not to mention struggling with chronic pain/fatigue and an autoimmune disease. It's been rough.

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Hey there twin mama 💞 I have identical twin girls who are almost 3. Don't beat yourself up. It took my girls a long while to bond, but they are inseparable now ❤👯 It always felt like they would fight/compete for my attention. I didn't have much support, was dealing with an immense amount of grief, in addition to a cheating/abusive partner. Btw just ended that toxic relationship that was long overdue. Your twins will bond eventually. It may just take some more time. Dont be so hard on yourself. I also delt with PPD. Feel free to inbox me .

You haven’t messed up, stop feeling like a failure because you’re not. You did what you thought was best in a difficult situation. They are still young so they can bond. I’m not sure about this but before bed try giving them their favourite teddies or whatever they like to sleep, sit them down and read to them both. Sit them apart at first but near each other and then gradually start sitting them closer. Or you could get them in bed with you, one on each side. You can try both. Let me know how it goes xx cheer up and don’t be so hard on yourself ❤️💕🥰

Also remember twins are twins lol they love each other but they are mean to each other. So when they get older they will start to understand how affection works. Some twins fight non-stop and they were bonded at birth. It’s just a hard stage to go through but you got this 💪

This all sounds developmentally normal! You’re doing great 💕

You didn't do anything wrong! Their individual development sounds right on track! My girls slept in the same crib and didn't form a bond and learn how to play together until close to 2!

My girls don’t have a close bond their constantly fighting or ignoring each other and right now it’s rough but I know one day they’ll understand and get along it just takes time and patience.

I don't think you messed up at all, my twins are only 5 months so I don't have a lot of experience but my oldest son and nephew were this way with each other and I was so sad about it because they were so close in age. My son would literally just ignore him 🤦🏽‍♀️ they are 8 and 9 now and are literally best friends. I know it's not the same thing but I think once they see that the other kid isn't going anywhere they will naturally begin to gravitate toward each other.

Side note being a mom is a lot of work physically, mentally, and emotionally. Don't be so hard on yourself we're all just making this stuff up as we go lol

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