Attachment issues?

Hey moms. I have a 3year old and he’s extremely attached to his dad. He’ll be fine with me all day but as soon as his dad is home he becomes sort of dependent on him. For instance if his dad is home before his bedtime he will cry and act up because he wants his dad in the bed with him. Now when it’s just me i can put him in the bed and leave him by himself with no issues. School just started and normally dad takes him in the morning. Lately he’s been crying before going in because he doesn’t want to leave his dad. However today he completely refused to go into the building. School isn’t the issue. He loves school, loves to see his friends, and is excited to go. It’s just he’s a completely different child with his dad. If I try to tell him what to do in front his dad he doesn’t listen to me he runs or call his dad and sometimes even tells his dad his scared of me 🥺🤦🏾‍♀️ now i don’t beat my child but at the same time i don’t give him everything he wants and I’m stern when needed be. Dad on the other hand babies him and let’s him get away with most things. We’re getting him evaluated for autism but has anyone ever had these issues? We’re both exhausted and it looks like I’ll have to start taking him to school in order for him to actually go

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My daughter is pretty much the same way but reversed. She’s very attached to me and acts different whenever I’m around. However, she listens to her dad when told to do/not to do something. Anyone can drop my kid off to school and she’ll be absolutely fine- but she’ll cry and throw a fit if it’s me. I haven’t had a reason to have her evaluated as attachment as a young child isn’t an issue. She also isn’t scared of anyone.

We’re getting him evaluated only because he has issues with transitioning and often times he has outbursts/tantrums when he isn’t doing what he wants. Sometimes it can be overwhelming and can take a while to calm down or he’ll just keep acting up throughout the day. Also, last year when he started 3k his teacher mentioned he shows some behavior that makes her concerned he may be on the spectrum. Other than that he’s a really sweet and smart child but he just has these moments and they seem to be too frequent.

I would say talk to her dad and let him know that he needs to be more stern with him because he thinks he can get away with anything when he is around. Once your son sees ya on the same page maybe he will get on the same page as well. My son is very attached to me it can be because I’m a single mom but as he got older he started to get more independent. You can have him evaluated for autism and ask the doctors what can be done to break the habits/behaviors that your son is experiencing

gotcha! Well I wish you all the best

Could it be that he is acting this way because he misses dad and just wants one on one attention from him. Maybe they can spend the day together, plan some fun activities or dad can have his own special routine he does with him before school/bedtime, etc.

possibly. He missed school today and i asked him why didn’t he want to go. He said because he’ll miss dad. So i said I’ll talk to dad to see if there’s something we can do so that way he can feel daddy is with him at school and he asked for a picture. So I’ll be sending him with. However, he does spend a lot of time with dad. He practically involves him in everything he can. But I’ll definitely look into a routine before school and one on one time. Thank you

the picture sounds like a great idea.

I would get him evaulated.. tbh separation anxiety is a total misunderstanding that can or cannot be associated with autism.. I was actually reading up on this as my son is on the spectrum for autism and has complete meltdowns when combating with the time away between him and I.. I would def look into the disorder of separation anxiety as well.. keep the routine of school going and stay in close contact with the teachers..

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Partner works incredibly long hours, how much do they help out?

I'm struggling. Have been for a while. I've had one break from parenting my daughter, that was for 3 hours in December when I left her with her dad.

She's 14 months old and I'm just tired. I've done every night by myself. He's out of bed at 4am and doesn't get home until 7-9pm. He drives for work, very physically tiring.
On the weekends he was doing 6 days, one weekend day off, but now has both off.

He doesn't sit on the floor and play with her, he doesn't read to her because he says she doesn't have the patience.
He will pick her up and hold her whilst he's cooking.

Recently I've been "snappy" with him.
He got back from the mechanic last weekend, she was getting onto the sofa and he put his headphones on and started to watch Netflix on his phone.
The same day I told him I was going to run her bath and to watch her whilst she was still eating, he fell asleep on the sofa.

Today he went to football after going shopping, so was out 1-3 and then from 4-8.
He got back and I was snappy.

"I don't get why you're so snappy with me"

I said - Probably because I haven't had a break since December.

"Do you think I don't know you haven't had a break. I haven't had a break", "I just won't go to work, I'll sit at home all day".

Then "do you think I like not having a connection to my child"... But that's on him? He never sits to play with her. He "doesn't see the point". He's stated that this age is boring to him.

Since she's been born, he has been to a friend's once a month. Football - He stopped going for 7months, but has been the last two weekends.

Are these not breaks?

He does do the washing/washing up/cooking/vacuuming when I haven't had a chance to; but I'm the one in charge of feeding her, naps/bedtime, teeth brushing, hair brushing, baths, dressing her, making sure she has the right shoes, appointments etc. Everything falls on me.

If your partner works ridiculously long hours, how much do they look after your child? Do you ever get a break?

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