Sex life going down the drain…help!
Haven’t had sex since before I gave birth 4 months ago, and only had sex around 4 times during my whole pregnancy. To be honest, I haven’t really felt like it, but I think I might’ve felt up to it if my husband had shown me he desires me and is turned on by me…
It’s been a bit of a sore subject for a few years, as I believe my drive is higher than his and I was always disappointed we weren’t doing it more. It feels like duty sex rather than passionate sex a lot of the time. Every time I try to talk about sex, he gets angry, defensive and closes up, even if I approach it in a way that I am not accusing him. I’ve tried to go deeper into his fantasies and kinks but he is not very forthcoming. Sometimes he buys me something to wear which I wear for him but then he never asks me to wear it again, and it makes me wonder if he prefers a different body type to mine. I’ve come to hate my body being in this relationship as he just doesn’t convince me that he is attracted to it.
He never initiates, and neither do I, but that’s because my confidence has been rocked by his lack of sexual interest in me. Plus, I have always been a bit shy about initiating and I prefer a man to take the lead as I’m sexually submissive. He shows lots of affection and calls me beautiful all the time, but he never just grabs me or needs me in that hungry way. If we ever have sex, it’s because we have “planned” it non-spontaneously. I feel there’s no passion and it’s making me miserable in myself, especially postpartum as my body and drive has changed.
I’m worried as to where is getting his kicks from as it’s been months. We’re sleeping in separate bedrooms at the moment so he can get some sleep as I’m up all night with the baby. I trust he would never have an affair, but I’m scared he is using porn or looking at pictures of sexy women to get his fill and it fills me with such anxiety (though I’ve never caught him at it and have no real reason to believe he’s doing that…we do however both exercise privacy and have never seen each others phones or know each other’s passwords etc)
I’m envious of previous generations who all they had to worry about was that their husband might have a dirty magazine tucked away somewhere, now they can access a plethora of hardcore imagery at the touch of a button and we’re none the wiser...anyway, that’s another matter.
Have any of you ladies got any advice?
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spice it up a little bit that’s what i did it works if u know what ur doing
do you have any examples? We both are a little kinky. We haven’t had sex in months so maybe we need to walk before we run, though, if you get what I mean haha x
You will have to try and initiate . Maybe he likes a woman’s confidence and it turns him on. You are not trying and neither is he so you aren’t going to go anywhere. Someone has to make the first move. The “sleeping apart” thing is not healthy for sex life unfortunately . But I understand why. But as you said it leaves him to his own privacy and I’m sorry I can almost bet he’s watching porn and masturbating. That’s why he’s not that interested. Probably doesn’t even think you are interested and doesn’t want to bother you cause of the baby
To me, it sounds like he has internal conflics, he buys you spicy clothes but then never asks you to wear it again.
I think he may feel ashamed and embarrassed to have the sexual desires, likes, dislikes and may feel like these are not acceptable/appropriate and that may be the reason why he doesn't let himself be passionate and spontaneous.
This may be an issue that he's always had, perhaps comes from a Conservative family, or has been shamed in the past whatever it is he is not up to talk about it nor acknowledge it.
I am very sorry for you and you shouldn't feel insecure about your body, you are not the problem he is but he cannot help himself.
You can try to initiate sex or look into going to a psychosexual therapy.
Wish you all the best to the two of you 🙏🙏
He could be trying to be respectful since you just had a baby. I would initiate first or have a conversation. If he wasn't going months before the baby o would think he's getting off some other way and it could be porn and that why he's sleeping in another bed because he doesn't want you to know how horny he's been. Communication is key 🫶🏾
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