Found my teen hiding condoms

Well the good news is she’s using protection. Your feelings are valid but she is getting to that age where she feels as though she can make her own decisions.

No real advice but sending strength!

Honestly… I’d try to make myself approachable at this stage. It’s already happened, and it is at least safe sex. Don’t judge or criticise her, fair enough have boundaries for your house but a calm, supportive conversation making sure she knows about contraception would be a good plan. You can’t change that she’s doing it, but you can encourage her safety and not put her down for it. That way if she ever has any issues in the future, she’ll know that she can come to you. Best of luck with it all, it is a disappointment but not everyone waits until they’re older

Respectfully, this sounds a lot like the way my mother behaved when she found out my older sister was having sex and as soon as she turned 18 she moved across the country without letting anyone know and never came back. I know you mean well but you probably don’t want to make your daughter feel like you’re trying to control her and that she can’t feel safe to open up to you.

She’s 17! She’s using protection be proud. She’s being sensible and in a committed relationship. If you go off the deep end and try an enforce rules and treat her like a child she won’t come to you if she has problems and you really don’t want that.

You seem to think she was going to ask permission to be sexually active? That was never going to happen. I realise she will always be your little girl but if her ‘terrible deception’ consists of hiding condoms from you I think you are getting off lightly having a teenager.

You could mention you found the condoms but don’t punish her for wanting privacy and reassure her you are there for her if things go wrong. Maybe make sure she’s clear on consent. That she doesn’t have to to do anything she doesn’t want to and can change her mind at anytime.

girl let the dang girl have some freedom damn she’s about to be 18. don’t be that controlling parent that nobody wants to tell anything to. 🥴

She’s using condoms and a SKYN one at that! Taste.
I think she’s on the cusp of adulthood so it’s one of those things you can’t control. Trust that you did a good job raising her and she will be able to make safe and smart decisions.

The stricter you are, the sneakier she will become. You can give as much good advice and wise words as you want, but at the end of the day it is her decision. 17 is a normal age to be thinking about these things, and she’s sensible enough to use protection. When my mum found out I lost my virginity she shamed me so much that I carried that shame with me the rest of my life and I never confided in her as she went through my things and invaded my privacy as a way of finding out.

I completely agree with your feelings on teen sex at 17. That's your baby and you want to protect her and help guide her. You know your daughter best as far as the best approach but I would try to be open with her and allowing her to feel comfortable to share vs. chastising her where she wants to continue hiding. Maybe do a mom and daughter date where it's just the two of you and you can share with her your own personal experiences so she knows where you're coming from and creating a space where she can share with you.

Sorry but she is using protection and caution.. the worst part here if anything is the fact she's hiding it which means she isn't even comfortable to tell you in fear of your reaction to it.

Which sadly? Is your problem not hers. 17 is a correct age almost, I was experimenting at 14!!!! I had the talk with my own mum and everything- she was my safe space and that was more important.

You have over ridden that safe space and likely put fear into her to the point she can't even tell you.

Be approachable and proud she has protection, my mum avoided all those conversations with me and honestly it did cause issues.

She clearly is smart if she has condoms and right now needs your support and guidance. I would say becareful as there is a fine line between opinion and guidance. She is becoming her own person so she needs your guidance.

I hope it works out for you, it is a tough age at 17 and mothering a teenager is not something I look forward too, sending love ❤️

Then she shouldn't be allowed to have a bf at 17. That's on you. What do you think they're doing with their time, playing Monopoly? Also, this group is moms in their 30s, so maybe the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree? I think the best you can do for her is to properly educate her, and thoroughly. Be the appropriate example for her, and make sure she has proper resources. You gave up any say in what happens next once you let her have a bf.

My advice would be to you as mother. I think creating a safe space for her to be able to come to you and communicate these thoughts and feelings are important. She’s 17 years old and it’s seems as though she still a baby in your eyes. She’s around the age where she’s going to be exploring these things and boyfriends after a certain age is not the boy you like the most and sneak to only talk to. I would suggest having a conversation with her so she can understand fully how to protect herself from mistakes, ask her questions to see where her mind is mentally when it comes to the relationship with her boyfriend (is it something that she see if long term?, etc), let it be known her body is a temple and should be treated as such THEN schedule an appointment with her doctor to discuss options for birth control. In a year, she’ll be more exposed to the world in its chaos by free will and it’s best that you prepare her for that

I when I became sexually active from my parents and to be honest, it was out of fear of what they would say. At 17 I don’t think it’s your place to be talking to the boy or his parents. I completely understand your worries but I’d worry you would push her away by making a big deal of it. She is of legal consenting age and has her own kind. At least she appears to be taking caution and it is with a boyfriend.

I think it’s great that she has condoms, she’s trying to protect herself. If you punish her, she will just not have the guy use them and get pregnant. I would have a conversation with her and ask if she wants to go to the Gyno and get some birth control.

If she wants to she will regardless so at this point I feel like it’s best to make her feel comfortable so she will be able to tell you things rather than hide things from you. In some months she will legally be an adult, at least she’s being smart about it a lot of teens aren’t nowadays.

Yeah, I also don't agree with your feelings on sex. Shes clearly using protection so she is trying to be safe. Becoming more strict, talking to her boyfriend or his parents is just going to fester resentment between you two and they will just be sneakier about it. If they want to have sex, you aren't going to stop them. You'll just make it so she won't feel safe coming to you if something actually does happen. If anything, I'd talk to her and maybe get her on birth control so they are even safer. This is definitely not a punishable offense. She's about to be 18.

I agree with you however she is going to explore.....I just had a baby with someone I'm not ready for either and it's a lot.....she is not practicing safe sex..she is making sure she won't get caught. If her BF said let's have a baby would she really say no? However she is going to want to explore this area in life too ...I would talk with her. A lot of people probably won't agree but honestly just talk to her and be open....I would be pissed too because I know how my life went down but at the same time it's her life and bottom line she is kinda at that age now where you can talk openly about it.... definitely set a punishment for not listening to your house rules. Praying for you and totally not looking forward to this part of my baby girls life later on;/

Imposing rules clearly isn't working. Change approach if you don't want to further alienate her.

ill give my opinion from a person who had a mum with the same views as you, and had 17 id just given birth to my first baby, which is obviously what youre trying to avoid, but i got pregnant on purpose pretty much because my mum was so strict and there was so many rules and i did things just to spite her, youre running the risk of rebellion by not letting her have the freedom to her body, shes 17 not a child, and she can make her own decisions, i understand you dont want your daughter in trouble or anything, but at 17 you dont have an awful lot of say and i will say at least she is being safe, that means shes protecting herself against all the bad things youre worried about, leave her be xx

You can't prevent it and honestly adding more rules will probably prevent her from wanting to come to you (from my personal experience at least). I'd say at least she's using protection, maybe you talk to her about birth control? She's going to do what she wants anyway. Also talking to her bf and his parents sounds wild to me and pretty embarrassing, would also make me not want to discuss anything with you as my parent.
Honestly I don't think 17 is that young, sorry!

Honestly I think it's actually a great sign that you found a condom. She's using protection. You should consider speaking with her further about contraceptives, like the pill or depo or even ovulation tracker apps. Also, if she hasn't gotten the hpv vaccinations I'd HIGHLY suggest she does.

This is a good sign, she is being responsible. I would ask her if she wants to go on the pill. You don't have to tell her what you found but it does open up the conversation so that she knows that she can talk to you.

She will be an adult in less than a year be proud of her that she's using protection and if she's not already on bc ask her if she'd like to get on it (her body her choice) I personally think you're being too strict tbh there should absolutely be no punishment in my opinion for having a condom.

Be her safe space. She’s hiding stuff from you because she cannot come and talk to you openly. I would much rather my child feel like they can talk to me than me feeling ‘in control’ x

I just wanted to add... I'm 34 and because my mom/parents did the kind of thing you're doing/want to do, I still don't talk to her about certain things going on in my life because she's not a "safe space"
Please listen to what everyone is saying because this could damage your relationship long term.

17 is an appropriate age and you should be proud she's using condoms.

I’m 100% on the same side as you . Honestly she’s still young.
But again I know that peer pressure exists so even though she listens to you ,I’m afraid there are other external forces at play .

Speak to her about the condom, don’t punish her because what we want to establish here is transparency. Tell her you are not pleased with the secrecy and would prefer she discussed reasons why she thinks she’s ready for this .

Also give practical examples like what if you got pregnant,are you ready to be a mom ? Or if he infected you with some STI .

I think your goal should be creating transparency .

Me I would be mad as f**k!!!!!

A boundary you set has been crossed so I definitely understand why you're upset. She won't magically turn into a mature person the day she turns 18. And I completely agree that while she lives with you it's your rules.
However I don't see what punishing her will do. She's having sex and will continue to have sex, you just have to have an open conversation about it. Ask her why she didn't feel comfortable enough coming to you with this information. And just give her all the information to make sure she's safe. Nothing much you can do

I lost my virginity to my stable BF at 17 (his V too). I had talks with my mum openly when we were planning it and always used condoms.
My mum is an older mum and was quite old fashioned with most things. But sex is a natural part of a relationship after all.
If she is practicing safe sex i see no issue here. She is a year off from 18 and being classed as an adult so i would say as long as shes sensible which it seems she is, then its not that bad. 🤷🏼‍♀️

She’s not your baby girl anymore. She’s nearly a legal adult.

The more rules you have the more secrets she will keep. It’s better to have an open healthy relationship rather than one where she feels she can’t be honest with you.

I’ll be honest with you. I started at 16. My mom was insanely strict and made me feel dirty and shamed me for doing it when she found out. I hud it because I was scared of her reaction. But I very much knew what I was doing the feeling and emotions that came with it. She’s obviously using protection so she’s not being stupid about doing it and understands possible outcomes. Bring her to a OBGYN and get her on BC for extra protection. IF you confront her. It should be done respectfully and not done with slander. Tell her you appreciate her being safe but wish she had let you know so that you could prepare yourself for it. And LEAVE IT AT THAT. Shaming her or yelling will just make her lose trust in you and create a hole in your relationship.

She is nearly an adult. Thats good she is using protection. Just try to stay close to her. Communication is the key. She need to understand the consequences and she need to be protected. Adding more rule and being strict will make things worse.

I think the best course of action would be to help her get on another form of birth control.
The fact that you found condoms is great! She's smart. She's almost an adult. What are you going to do? Ground her? Take her phone away? At this age, that's not the way to go.
I was sexually active at 15. I didn't feel like I could talk to my mother about it. I'm very lucky I didn't get pregnant because I wasn't as smart as your daughter. I wish she had been available to talk to.
My fiancé was sexually active at 11.
You're daughter is doing well.

You can’t prevent her from having sex. She’s 17 and it’s natural for her to want to take that step. She’s doing it with someone she’s in a relationship with and using condoms. Maybe if you weren’t so harsh she might have actually come to talk to you about it. Punishing her isn’t going to do anything except alienate her further. She’s not a little girl anymore and you should be teaching her how to be safe and the importance of not feeling pressured to do anything she doesn’t want to do. However, if she wants to have sex you can’t do anything to stop it.

She's being safe. The main issue is that she isn't comfortable coming to you, I experienced this as well growing up. I was pregnant at graduation and didn't even know it. Sex is natural and it already happened. And honestly your reasoning isn't just for teens. I'm 34 and I know plenty of adults my age and older who can't financially care for a child or are emotionally mature enough to handle sex at times and there are men of all ages that are just looking for sex. I hope that she has another trusted adult she has been able come to if she has any concerns. My advice is to be that adult

Well as christian and new mom and lot to do with my cultural background . I would want my daughter to keep her virginity until she gets married . (But things happen )Finding a condom made you feel like your little girl is not so little after all . Maybe is just a condom she is keeping for the prom night ? Who knows , I think it’s best if you just be honest to yourself and to her and tell her that you found it on her book and just ask if she is active and to talk to you , give her the trust she needs . That way when ever she goes through something she knows she can count on you.

this is good..she is practicing safe sex….i would try to support her and be understanding as she is almost an adult and it is better if she feels comfortable going to you if she needs guidance or support

Maybe it’s not even her condoms and she isn’t sexually active. Maybe a friend asked her to hide it for them. Perhaps have a calm conversation with her before jumping to conclusions.

Best thing I can offer is what my mom did because you can't stop them. It will just make it worse. Is be open and let her know if she decides this then at least let you know so you can help her get on birth control and always bring the condom because then at least she won't have to worry about the male poking holes to trap. Let her know you'll help provide condoms because you'd rather her be safe than be a teen mom make it feel safe. That's what my mom did she tried to control then found out my oldest sister was having sex then she went to trying to help her keep from getting prego but it was to late she was and was rebellious. So with me and my other sister she had talks and became a safe zone for us to be open and talk to. My sis didn't have sex til she was 18 and I didn't have it til I was 21 so try and be safe zone that's the best story I have for you. Good luck hope she can open up to you 🙏

Honestly, it is good that she’s taking precautions and being safe as moms sure we’d love it if they waited but it’d be better to be supportive and that doesn’t mean allowing her to have sex willy nilly it just means to keep reminding her what the dangers and consequences could be. My daughter is still just a toddler but as someone who unfortunately had my virginity stolen from me and then thought sex was the way to keep a boy in a relationship it can be very challenging to hear criticism especially from a parent. Like I said just always inform of the std rates, and pregnancy chances.

I think before you have a conversation with her you need to have a come to Jesus meeting with yourself and look at reality. You have a young girl who IS perfectly capable of understanding sex, the emotions, the consequences, the good, the bad, etc but you won’t believe it or give her the chance too. 17 is a very normal age to be sexually active and she is not a child, the more you treat her like one, the less she will come to you. Don’t you want her to come to you to face life’s difficult challenges? She is being sneaky because you haven’t created a safe environment for her, this is obvious. You should congratulate her for using protection, apologize for invading her privacy and create and open door so she doesn’t shut the doors completely when she becomes an adult in less than a year.

At least she using protection. Be proud of your baby shes trying to do the right thing. Its easier said than done to abstain especially when her hormones are just as real as yours ✨

She's 17.... you're acting like she's 14 or 15 doing the same thing.
She's nearly an adult. Let go mama and keep the lines of communication open with her. You don't want this to be the thing that causes a rift. And abstinence has never in history worked

I lost my virginity at 16 to my now husband the more you tell someone not to do something the more they are going to hide it from you and telling her it’s an adult thing is going to make her feel like a child she Is a young adult not a little kid and making a big deal about this will scar her for life

She is over the legal age to have sex, you can either get on board and make it a safe activity for her to engage in and come to you with any concerns without judgement OR you can drive her away and potentially put her at risk of having things go badly. Your choice.

She probably got it from school or someone played a trick on her. Just talk to her and see what she says

I keep seeing this post everywhere. So I’ll say the same thing. She’s not a baby anymore she’s nearly an adult. Instead of getting mad talk to her about birth control ,buy her more condoms and be glad she is using protection.

I just want to start by saying your feelings are valid, you are her other you have ever try trigger to feel how you want to feel and I don’t want to tell you what to do because at the end of the day you should do what you believe is best for your child, however Just as some perspective. In my opinion it may be best to yes explain the emotions and importance of sex to her but I think it is equally as important to give her that safe place to talk to you so that when she feels ready or has questions or if she has had sex and wants to confide in you so that you can take the initiative of safe sex. She’s using condoms that’s great! Your baby girl will ALWAYS be your baby girl and her having sex doesn’t have to change that. Maybe just talk to her ask her if she’s ok? does she have questions? Why she felt ready? Just another perspective but like I said you Janie what works and it best for you🤍

I started at 16 and fully knew the risks that came with sex and made sure that I was responsible and used protection, I also understood the emotions that came with sex, I lost my virginity to a boy that at that time I loved, yes things didn’t work out but at the time I loved him, and it doesn’t matter how old you are, sometimes relationships just don’t work out, but that doesn’t mean you should hold back on having sex if you don’t want to. In 1 year she is going to be classed as an adult, so instead of trying to get her not to have sex you may aswell have a sit down with her and answer any questions she has to make sure she’s totally comfortable with what she’s doing, and it also means that she will be comfortable talking to you about any problems she will have in the future. xxx