Sex and Relationships with Railey Molinario

My husband gets angry

He scares me and I have no one to talk to about it. I tried talking to his family but they denied it and say men do that. I don’t feel like I can talk to my family because I don’t want to ruin his reputation with them. I have no friends. He’s angry with me now and I’m so sad and scared, I’ve locked myself in one of the rooms in the house. I know he’ll apologise and we’ll just go back to normal. I’ve asked him to do anger management but he won’t. I don’t know what to do. I love him and he’s a great dad. Most of the time we are ok but when he snaps that’s it, he almost threw a chair at me just now, he blames me for making him angry. Just tell me what to do please. I’m so sad.

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Is he a great dad if the children’s mother is petrified of their father? No. I am so sorry you’re going through this. Can you leave when he is out of the house and go to a woman’s refuge? You can get support there and decide what you want to do next.

Sometimes loving someone is not enough and if he loved you he would get help.

I would record him on voice memo or video just in case to have record of it. Also speak out to your family in case so someone is aware.

He needs to learn communication without threatening or with a calm voice. Not only will it possibly get worse, children learn those behaviors.

Whenever he raises his voice, is there somewhere safe you can go? Let him know you cannot talk or resolve things until he is calm.

This is not okay. If he NEARLY threw a chair at you - what's stopping him throwing it next time? That's not great behaviour for your kids to watch. Please think about yourself and if he doesn't want to help his anger by attending some classes etc then he doesn't deserve you

It's abusive, over time your kids will be insecure and scared. Need to create safe environment

Record it, because oneday I feel as though he may take your kids
It’s your word against his

Happened to my friend
No proof but he made her seem crazy and recorded it
And now he has their child one week on and off permanently. And they live 3 hrs away from each other

This is scary and I would look for immediate resources to help you in your area

I’d record it or I’d leave. You and your child/children do not deserve that

I know it’s a terrible thing but I also feel that if it’s out of the blue and generally he’s good and has anger problems, I would continue to stand your ground and in your truth rather than getting scared and make it clear to him that you’re not a punching bag or a door mat and be persistent with getting him to see clear and how it affects you without disrespecting him and showing him you care about his mental health too not just yours and just isn’t healthy. But I’ve learned that the only way people usually change their behavior is if it’s worded in a way that showed them what the possible good results would be if they did it different. So rather than only focusing on the negative about it you can give him a picture of what the positive side looks like without the anger. But I would also have him recognize first that it does only negatively affect you and your kids and yes that will make him feel bad but just saying that isn’t enough to change the behavior because

Humans are wired to listen to what is positive. It encourages people rather than depresses people keeping them stuck in the negative cycle

Get out...it only gets worse I'm speaking from experience. The longer you stay the harder it is to get out.
It's dometic abuse no should evet make you feel like that especially in your home. If he does that to you...what if he snaps at yours kids.
It becomes a pattern though he'll say sorry but you won't forget the mental and emotional damage is already there.

Update: He calmed down and apologised like I thought but we had a massive chat and I said it wasn’t good enough to just say sorry. I told him i need him to do something about it like find a therapist and I will support him with that. He’s already spoken to someone so that’s good. Thank you for the advice and I’ve decided next time I will get out or tell him to leave and I will talk to my family so they know.

Thank you all for being there, I really needed it 💛

I’m glad things are resolved for now, but maybe still think about contacting a support line like Solace for example in the Uk. Because you don’t know what can happen next time, and the fact you may have to walk on eggshells to try and avoid next time isn’t healthy or good for your mental well health. As others have said it gets so much harder to get out the longer you stay. Xx

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worried about a family members baby

So this child is three months old and she isn’t being fed from 10pm till 6/7 am idk if this is normal or safe and it’s been like this since 2 months i believe as she won’t wake her for feeds she goes to the pub drinking most nights with her baby and her baby has already been in hospital with a very low temperature bc she was outside but as soon as she was in a warm car she warmed up and doctors said she was fine she lets cats play with her bouncers toys that go over her and doesn’t strap her in she is cold from what i’ve heard from other family members and they’ve tried to warm her hands and she’s wet herself at my parents and she hasn’t had a spare vest to put on her and i offered her a blanket as she didn’t have one and she declined and she won’t listen to anyone about it she’s already left the baby with my parents for the night to go out drinking and personally i couldn’t leave my three month old because my parents said she just cried and im really unsure whether to report her or not and her house smells of dog wee/poo as she’s never home to look after them and that’s not safe for the baby i understand being lonely but she doesn’t need to go to the pub every night her friends could
go
to hers or her she could go to a cafe that has closed doors not sat outside a cold pub and it’s a bit of a rough pub in my opinion

my parents are concerned btw but they say i shouldn’t report her as it’s not fair but i feel how the baby is treated isn’t fair

Does anyone else hate their partner?

I’m now a little over 2 months postpartum and I’ve struggled with genuinely just not liking my partner anymore since we found out I was pregnant last year. I catch myself just staring at him with hatred because I’m so sick and tired of his bullshit. He is just now getting a job and has not had one since THANKSGIVING!!! Meanwhile I was working full time until I finally got too sick to be able to work. I genuinely want him out of my house but I depend on him as far as driving goes bc I don’t have a car. I also still love him deep down and don’t want to put him out on the street but he’s driving me genuinely insane. Any advice?

Heartbreak

After years of trying, months of back and fourth on the fate of our marriage, indecision, fights. The whole enchilada my husband and I are separating, divorcing. Whatever. I'm so goddamn heart broken. I feel like it's a death and I'm in mourning. We have a 3 year old son and currently and for the foreseeable we are going to coparent and live together. This makes things harder because neither one of us can really move on but it's how it is. He understands and he's trying to heal too. But I can't understand why now that things are over he can be kind. He's been more amazing in the last week since I ended things than ever. Why couldn't he do that when we were together for years I begged for change, we saw a counselor I tried everything and he just wouldn't. Now he seems to turn a switch and be able to just do it all. But it's too late. My heart aches. My body aches. Love sucks.

Help!!!

Am I wrong if I secide to stop doing baths etc for my little ones. We have a 3 and 1 year old. I do all the baths wake up in ams cooking etc. I dont want them to be dirty but it's like I need a break and Im tired of doing it all by myself. He will come up and help after they are out the tub every now and then and that pisses me off. Im taking care of 2 littles one by myself makes no sense. I asked him to give them baths tonight he said I worked all day what did you do...ive had the children all day. We went to church he didn't go. We all know how little ones are.. but what should I do bcus it feels like I'm going crazy

Partner works incredibly long hours, how much do they help out?

I'm struggling. Have been for a while. I've had one break from parenting my daughter, that was for 3 hours in December when I left her with her dad.

She's 14 months old and I'm just tired. I've done every night by myself. He's out of bed at 4am and doesn't get home until 7-9pm. He drives for work, very physically tiring.
On the weekends he was doing 6 days, one weekend day off, but now has both off.

He doesn't sit on the floor and play with her, he doesn't read to her because he says she doesn't have the patience.
He will pick her up and hold her whilst he's cooking.

Recently I've been "snappy" with him.
He got back from the mechanic last weekend, she was getting onto the sofa and he put his headphones on and started to watch Netflix on his phone.
The same day I told him I was going to run her bath and to watch her whilst she was still eating, he fell asleep on the sofa.

Today he went to football after going shopping, so was out 1-3 and then from 4-8.
He got back and I was snappy.

"I don't get why you're so snappy with me"

I said - Probably because I haven't had a break since December.

"Do you think I don't know you haven't had a break. I haven't had a break", "I just won't go to work, I'll sit at home all day".

Then "do you think I like not having a connection to my child"... But that's on him? He never sits to play with her. He "doesn't see the point". He's stated that this age is boring to him.

Since she's been born, he has been to a friend's once a month. Football - He stopped going for 7months, but has been the last two weekends.

Are these not breaks?

He does do the washing/washing up/cooking/vacuuming when I haven't had a chance to; but I'm the one in charge of feeding her, naps/bedtime, teeth brushing, hair brushing, baths, dressing her, making sure she has the right shoes, appointments etc. Everything falls on me.

If your partner works ridiculously long hours, how much do they look after your child? Do you ever get a break?

Am I wrong ?

My daughter’s 1st birthday was Thursday and nobody wished her a happy birthday from her dads family but his mom watched his story. Should I put my foot down and set boundaries for them to accept accountability or should I just let them stay on that side for as long as they want and not worry about it?