Grandparents hating eachother

Sounds so tough, I now have 2 children and unfortunately it doesn’t get better. my mother in law and father in law aren’t together, it doesn’t sound as bad as you have it but they won’t talk and my MIL has a not very nice nickname for him which she calls him when referring to him. My husband won’t go to his dads house due to him being with the other woman he left his mum for over 15 years ago!

We have the situation where my MIL won’t arrange to see us, she expects us to ask to see her, and then I get lots of shitty comments about how much they have grown and when I leave I get a ‘oh I don’t know when I’m going to see you again’ we try to see her every other week.
My FIL constantly texts asking to come and see the girls which is lovely, however the one time we said no as already had other plans but could do x instead he sends a shitty message about how MIL gets to see them all the time when it’s probably the other way round!
Sorry no advise but solidarity! X

Have you tried being incredibly direct and telling your mum to grow up? Her behaviour is incresibly toxic and I'd be concerned about leaving your daughter there because if she's saying that stuff infront of you, what's being said when you're not there. The commenrs about saying she doesn't know why you'd let her spend time with the enemy is a major red flag, how do you know she won't try and turn her against you too? Any normal person knows it's important for children and grandchildren to have relationships with all family members even if they have personal issues.

@Rachel it puts everyone is a horrible position so I totally feel for you

@Alex oh multiple time. I've told her that my daughter is still seeing her grandad whether she likes it or not and to real with it. But she's seeing it as a competition all the time and I said to her I don't want it. She gets shitty with me when i have my MIL over. This is the first time I've let anyone look after my daughter

What a horrible position to put you in, not fair on you at all! I’m from bitter divorced parents and I did have a conversation with both of them and they understand and accept they will both be in my sons life so they have to be civil if they were ever in the same room! You may have to be hard on your mum and give her some tough love here and tell her if she continues to behave this way she won’t be seeing your daughter until she learns how to be an adult and respects what you’ve asked of her. She doesn’t have to like your Dad at all, just be respectful and accept he’s also a Grandparent, she doesn’t even have to speak about him! It may be drastic and not nice to do, however I’m sure she would quickly stop behaving this way 😊 you don’t need the extra stress of having to worry about things like this!