What would you do?

So backstory, I’m a new first time mum and my fiancé and father of my twins cheated on me while I was pregnant with an (he claims 1) escort. Once he was caught he cried, begged, apologized, and groveled.. the whole thing was pathetic to be honest, but being that I was deep in my second trimester my options were limited and I didn’t want a broken family, hormones raging I/we decided to “work” on it. We did couples therapy for 4 months.. it definitely helped get through the duration of my pregnancy.

long story short after the birth of my twins I dealt with postpartum coupled with a massive amount of resentment and distrust toward my partner. My twins are now 9months and I’m starting to feel like myself again BUT not a day goes by that I don’t think of the fact that the man I chose to start a life/family with in my most vulnerable point in my life cheated. I have started working on an exit plan because I don’t see how we can ever get back to how things were before but, when I spoke to my mum about it see wants me to work on things that life as a single mum to twins will be that much harder.

I honestly don’t know what to do.. I don’t know that I’m in love with him anymore, I love him for being the father of my children and for taking care of our family but I have never dealt with infidelity, I don’t think I’ll ever trust him again, I just really feel bad for my babies.. they didn’t deserve this. I know in my heart there’s better for me out there, but I’m scared to be alone with two little ones.. Ugh.. idk just looking for advice. 💙

Read more on Peanut

The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.

Learn more about our guidelines.

Add a comment

Definitely work on it but if I’m being completely honest… once trust is broken, it will definitely be harder to find it again because you’ll always be wondering and over thinking. Good luck to you hun

Aww bless you! So horrible to go through that, like you say at such a vulnerable and happy stage in your life. He betrayed your trust and didn't show up for you! I would suggest counselling to see if he is willing to improve. I have no idea what he is like as a person so if this is just a one off etc. But he let you down when you needed him the most, so what's to say it isn't the start of worse to come when things get really hard. I was also cheated on by my first child's father when I was pregnant, I had heard rumors before so took no chances and left him then and there and it was the best decision! Yes life as a single parent has been so hard and challenging but equally I loved it, years and years later I met someone I wanted to have children with and haven't been let down like that again. Go with what your gut is telling you to do. You don't owe him anything! But you deserve to he happy and the children will be happiest with happy parents x

I would have to leave too. I wouldnt be able to get the image of him with another woman out my head. Its far better to be on your own for a period of time and more at peace than have the undercurrent of resentment felt in the house. The babies will pick up on it. 2 kids doesnt equal never finding anyone either. I had 4 kids and met my current partner so dont think it means a lonely existance for u

I would leave you can’t trust someone who would do that while you’re pregnant it’s just disrespectful and shows his overal character and morals. He can say anything he wants but it’s about actions. I don’t listen to words and grovelling and begging I listen to actions and the one thing he should have been able to do is stay faithful and he couldn’t

Regardless of wether you choose to stay or leave, just know you’re worth 10 of him and you always will.
He betrayed you whilst you were carrying his children and tarnished that magical experience for you, no actions or words will ever give you that time back.
💜

I swear that’s the worst thing, my first pregnancy experience wasn’t great and I blame him. The stress, the aggravation. .. and to think I settled for him. I could’ve gotten better but when I turned 30 I got nervous and stayed, I wish I had left before the babies.

my exact feelings. I feel like once a cheater always a cheater. The fact that he paid someone for intimacy disgusts me.

This is the situation I was going through too

what did you end up doing?

I think the fact it was with a paid escort is even worse in my opinion because it was clearly arranged and pre-meditated. I couldn’t forgive a random drunk bunk up neither, but I wouldn’t find it half as traumatising as a paid escort.

Leaving with children in tow seems like the scariest thing ever and it will be at first but after a few weeks you’ll find it was the best decision you ever made for your own happiness and your children 🩷🩷

You are worth far more than him and you deserve someone who is going to love and respect you even during the most vulnerable parts of your life xx

in our community

Resentment and placing blame on partner

Firstly, please don’t judge me - I’m aware all my thoughts aren’t rational and I do already feel badly about them

I’m finding myself becoming easily frustrated, annoyed, and placing a lot of blame on my partner for many things. Now I’d get it if he was rubbish but he’s not - he has the baby straight away when he gets home from work, he lets me get ready and shower before he goes to work, he pitches in with the chores and gives me any time I ask for off. He doesn’t go out loads either.

I do a lot of the mental labour - realising we need more of and purchasing clothes, milk, groceries, deciding dinner, cooking, cleaning, thinking about what baby needs, etc.

However I just find myself annoyed and blaming him for so many things I find difficult. I know this isn’t fair, but it’s almost like I’m angry that he’s finding it easy and I’m not. Angry if I’ve just got the baby to sleep and he doesn’t think and closes doors to loudly. Angry when he doesn’t dress baby warm enough, or when he puts him in a car seat with a coat on. When he forgets a blanket or doesn’t wash his hands and plays with him. When hes snoring and I’ve just got the baby to drift off.

We have had many conversations and he has tried to take loads off me but it never feels like enough for me to stop being annoyed with him.

Am I experiencing some sort of post partum mental health issues? I find myself upset and crying a lot. any advice would help.

Parenting 24/7 is harder than going to work full time?

I’m having a debate with my partner as he’s done nothing to help since. Our 14 month old was born, I’ve done it all alone all day and all night. He gets a break when he comes in from work all night I never get a break
He try’s to tell me it’s harder going to work full time 5 days a week than parenting ALONE 24/7?
What do you think

Partner is giving me the silent treatment

So I was struggling with my postpartum anxiety bad yesterday. My partner and I was out for drinks with family. He kept making jokes about treating me a bit shit.
Which no one thought was funny. I am usually quite patient about him using me as his jokes, but yesterday it hurt.

When we got home I told him it made me feel disrespected. Now he is giving me the cold fat shoulder?! What do I do ?

FTM

Hello,
FTM here. At what age do you stop applying cream on nappy area during nappy changes? My 2 year old boy isn’t toilet ready yet but uses both nappy pants/pull ups and regular diapers

I live in a small 2 bedroom flat. How do I keep my home smelling nice?

Especially bedroom considering dirty laundry lives in there too. I do laundry once a week because I don’t use enough to do more frequent.
But I just want my room smelling nice and cosy.

The more natural the method the better ladies 😣
I open windows everyday. I don’t get enough sunlight for plants 😭

Divorced at 5 months PP

My husband just divorced me yesterday.

I'm 5 months post partum and I feel like complete shit. I literally can't stop crying and I don't feel like eating and this whole week my milk supply has gone down due to stress and not eating. What helps with milk supply?

The divorce- on Monday at 5am me and my husband had a small argument on text. It was regarding him not catering to my love language. I sent him a video on how women shouldn't have to ask and how laziness can kill a relationship. We've had many arguments regarding this prior about him not catering to my love language and he doesn't buy me flowers or doesn't think of me. Anyways this night, he text me saying he doesn't do Mother's Day and all that, he doesn't want to buy me flowers because my sisters buy me flowers and he can't be arsed with my moods. He said I've not been his peace and said he's done.
I replied "okay. All I want is for you to appreciate me and love me as your wife and mother of your child. I'm not pushing you away, I'm begging you to love me etc etc. I'm done too."

I come home from my errands that morning and he's upped and left. He took all of his belongings, clothes, drawer, tv- everything.

He didn't ring or text me or anything.

The property is in my name and as he left and didn't leave the key, I changed the locks the next day. I feel this is what pushed him over the edge.

He officially divorced me on Saturday.
I'm 5 months post partum and I have a 5 year old from my ex partner too.

I just want to talk about it with someone that's not biased. Was I asking for too much? I feel he just didn't want to be with me anymore and used this as an excuse? Or is that me overthinking....
Input would be nice xoxo