Am I overreacting?

The only way he’ll step up, is if you step back from it.

I do all bath times, but have taught my stepsons (4&5) how to wash themselves, because I know when my baby is born, I want them to be more independent, so I can just supervise bath/shower time rather than doing it all.

I don’t help put them put their socks on, but dad will give in and do it. Whereas I’ve told them and him, if they don’t learn to do it themselves, when he’s not here (which he sometimes works and leaves them with me) then they’ll struggle more!

It’s taken lots of ‘I’m not doing that, you need to step up’ for dad to do more stuff for them.

I don’t understand how people put up with it you’re not ther me second parent the children already have 2 parents. It shouldn’t be 50/50 if he’s not there too look after his own children he should have the children when he’s at home and on weekends. It makes no sense too me, you’re treated like a free baby sitter. You’re not working because you are being paid too look after your baby! I think you’ll start too resent not only hun but the children seems like you’re missing out on bonding with the baby this is supposed too be your time off too recover

I’m sorry but 6 and 9 y.o should be able to make themselves cereal, brush teeth/personal care, get dressed etc by themselves. I’d just be telling them right go and do this or do that and get them to do things for themselves, it’s not fair on you babying three children and for dad to expect it. Sit down with him and have a firm chat, i’d even ask if Dad can work out with BM so that he has them when he’s not working? So that you don’t have to look after them while he’s working, sounds like you’ve got plenty on your plate and don’t need him doing the bare minimum

Honestly, he acts like he’s doing ME the favour because I’m not paying towards his mortgage at the moment. But I’m still paying the food shop, internet and tv license, Netflix!
I do resent him a lot we’ve had so many chats where ‘he will do better’ and in a week it’s back to this. I’m absolutely shattered that I get short tempered with my daughter because I’m so tired. Then I feel awful because I brought her into this mess and I’m only having her so it should be magical

I know it sounds harsh but start refusing it. Make plans with friends and family when you know he won’t be around so he has no option too either be there or they go back too there mum it’s ridiculous. I don’t get 50/50 if the parent isn’t able too look after them in there half of the time? If it’s not in your name you shouldn’t be paying his mortgage. You’re saving him plenty on childcare 😂

I am same situation as you : 2 sk 8 and 10 and I had to push to make them more independent wich they are now . I was foreseeing that so I work on it before I gave birth 8 months ago !
Even if they are independent to shower bath, dress up they are still very needy emotionally as they are not not well looked after at their mums house.
I am now starting to have no patience at all with them and I very often wish they are not around .
The agreement with my husband is that he works and earns money and I run the family but having them half time makes it more difficult because it feels that they are never settled emotionally.
My advice , take the lead in teaching them to become more independent ( bath, dress up, outing clothes back in their wardrobe , putting cutlery on the table whilst you cook ..), you can create games to chalenge them and you will eventually have a bit more time for yourself and your baby, but I have a feeling you will have to initiate that !
Keep being positive!

Nacho kids podcast. You create your boundaries and stick to them. If the kids are dirty for school, explain why and soon enough their friends will make fun of them for being gross or their dad will step in. Don't enable them or the father. They can't step up if you don't step back.