Keep or let go

Only you can make this decision. Your family have no say in the matter.
You need to do what’s best for YOU. You are the one who will have to live with the decision for the rest of your life, no one else. You need to make sure that whatever decision you do make, you can live with it.

Keep

Take everyone & everything out the equation, what do you want to do?xx

God makes no mistakes. He knew that child before it formed in your belly.

Maternity allowance usually allow you to top up your NI contributions to entitle you to the full amount, would that be an option?

I’m so sorry you feel this way. Ultimately the decision is up to you, I’m sorry your family is pressuring you either way. I can promise you once you hold your sweet little baby boy or girl you will never regret keeping them. It’s a love like nothing else ♥️

If you want your baby keep your baby. I’m 37. And made a choice at 30 and single that if I would fall pregnant in my single years I’ll keep my child because it may be my only opportunity. But that was a choice for me. I never ended up pregnant until I married my husband though.

You can get another job but to be chosen to carry life into this world that’s something ultra special.

If you choose not to have baby that’s ok too. You are allowed to do what is best for you. I’ll be praying for you that you’ll make the best choice for you and no one else. It’s not a light choice either way sis!

This sounds like a really, really difficult situation to be in. Only YOU get to decide about what’s best for YOU and YOUR child.

The financial situation, whilst no doubt incredibly stressful and anxiety inducing, isn’t a forever thing. Money comes and goes. What you choose to do about the baby is a forever thing.

It’s early days in your pregnancy still, you could lose your current job but have plenty of time to find another and try to save as much as you can (and no, you wouldn’t qualify for Mat pay from them, but you don’t anyway now so that’s no loss.) I don’t know if you’d be eligible for maternity allowance? I know the criteria is different to stat pay but I don’t know how NI contributions, or lack of, would affect eligibility. You can also claim CSA from the baby’s father.

Your family, whilst not supportive now, may come around to the idea if you choose to keep this baby. It’s hard to go this road alone, but it’s not impossible if it’s what YOU want for your life. ♥️

Before having my little one , I was a big believer that if you don’t feel it’s a right time or right circumstances, then better for both you and your baby no to keep. However now holding my little precious boy in my hands, the only thing I regret is not having him sooner. No matter how hard the circumstances are , try to keep. You will never regret your little one ❤️

You're probably in a tough spot financially and emotionally after the baby's dad betrayed you, but consider this: it took me 3 years and rounds of IVF to get pregnant (39 now, so started at your age). You never know if you will be so lucky getting pregnant again, so if being a mom is one of your goals in life, give this baby a chance unless you are in a dire need and on the verge of homelessness. Do you have any family to help?

I think it’s telling that you started off your post by saying you want to keep the baby. I think you should stick with your gut. Even if you had to give the baby up for adoption you would still be giving this baby the gift of life. Oftentimes there are non profits or churches (even if you aren’t religious) that are willing to help in these type of situations. Know that no matter the outcome you are loved 🤍

no… I dont have that kinda money

no they are either too old to help (85) or not willing (both parents) and the dad has no financial income at all really - hes already paying for his duaghter

it’s like £40 isn’t it?

Forget what anyone else thinks, if your able ti give that baby what it needs then keep it for sure xx

NI top up? Well.. Ive been living in Australia for 8 years… so if they expect 8 years of top up im definitely doomed!

can you give me an estimate of what a baby might cost a month? on a single salary and no maternity pay at all - so potenially needing to work FT for as long into and after birth.. is it possible? Y head is spinning with all this a genuine question

There are a ton of resources and you can look into adopting or asking a trusted friend or family member to help with caring for baby. Build a support system now if you can.

I am basically single(partner dosent work)
He's 13 weeks. I have had no mat pay. But I get universal credit, I basically live of that and my child benefit I use on something called a credit union child benefit loan. That's helps sometimes. If your first baby you get a sure start grant.
I buy him 2 packs of nappies from aldi £2.55 each
2 boxes of cow and gate refill £12 each.
Sometime you need to buy clothes etc but on vented you can get really good stuff cx

Honestly, it is up to you and baby. It could be the best thing for you, a change in life and maybe even a new career path. It's never to late to start over. If you decide to keep, I hope and wish you the very best in life, but if you don't choose to keep.. I still wish and hope you the best. It's your life love. 🩷

I worked till 28 weeks, qnd started working again at 3 months lol x it's all gone okay :) anything is possible as a woman xx

also you can get a healthy start card too woth a monthy payment x

Whether he’s gone back to his wife or not he still needs to support you, your entitled to that by law. I wouldn’t listen to family in this situation at all, surprised they have given such a strong view on it, I’m sure some would change their tune when baby arrived. It could be hard but it also could be amazing X

Yeah, he should still be held accountable regardless. He helped you make baby. . He should help support and provide for baby.

He has to pay you child maintenance even if he’s not on the birth certificate. I am a single parent with soon two children. I only get Mat allowance as recently changed jobs. Can you get UC whilst on Mat leave?

have you looked into maternity allowance at all? It’s different to smp. I’m pretty sure you only need to cover 1 years worth of NI or something, it won’t be 8 years.

Keep the baby we all going to face trials but it will be worth it with no regrets x

Hey, you need to make the right decision for you. Write down the pros and cons of having the baby. Write down where you will be financially. You might be able to get a maternity allowance and benefits to support you. Im speaking from experience, I’m 6 weeks with my 5th my last is only 16 months, just broke up with the father and Just passed my probation at work but I will get maternity pay, however I have some debt hanging over my head and nursery feels will absolutely kill me when LO arrives. I was unsure and did not know what to do. it took me a week I even booked an appointment at the clinic, when I walked in there I knew I could not do it and would never forgive myself. I also had a scan and although just a little dot. That little dot is mine. Things do always work out in the end and whatever you do will be the right thing for you. Do not let anyone convince you either way. You’ve got this!! xxx

I lived on the £150 or so a week, even in London. There are things people spend money on (like prams) that can be pricey, but can also be under £100 second hand. The only ongoing major expense (while off work) is formula, if you need/choose to use it, and pre-made baby food, from 6 months, if you don’t make your own. Nappies (like pampers) can be expensive, but own brands are very affordable- I’ve never been spending more than £5 a week on them, and much less early on…

Really sorry you feel like this 🥺 but you can do it, although it seems impossible ❤️
Here to chat if you need a ear X

terrible advice! She says she wants to keep her baby in the comment, that’s all that matters and it’s 💯 possible to make it work if she wants that. There’s financial help in the U.K. and by law he is responsible too!

yeah keep or let go is the title but if you read it, she wants to but her family aren’t supportive. To me it’s v clear someone needs support not another negative voice.

My mum was a single young mother in the early 90s and my grandparents are catholic and against sex before marriage etc, they weren’t delighted at first either. I was born because my mum was strong af and I also had the best relationship with my grandparents. I’ve had an amazing life and so has my mum. It’s not all doom and gloom as you portray it.

Telling someone to give it up in my opinion is v irresponsible, especially if she read this on a bad day. If you did bother to read other comments ppl talk pros and cons to allow her to make her own informed decision and do what’s best for her! ‘Give it up’ is not helpful.

Also Texas is very different from knutsford, Cheshire - U.K. so demographics wise your experiences are Very different.

your reality isn’t everyone else’s reality

There’s lots of help even for things like ppd here and not everyone gets that anyway. I didn’t?

They aren’t babies forever either….

Honestly, you are catastrophising and clearly projecting your own experience and it’s not appropriate on such an big and emotive decision

Keep your baby and take the father to court for child support