Friend not bothering with my children

Hi everyone, I’ve tried to speak to my friend about this situation however she’s just completely blown up on me out of nowhere. She’s always been very close to my children etc. However this year she’s drifted and stopped seeing them out of the blue/doesn’t bother with them. Tried to see if everything’s okay but she’s just with her boyfriend. Which is lovely but she’s created a close bond with my children and then just stopped seeing them out of the blue and ignored anything to do with them. She’s seen them 1-2 times in the past year and now I’ve told her I can meet up but want to leave the kids with someone while I meet her she said that I’m wrong and I’m shit as she wants to see them. My daughters had her birthday this weekend and she normally visits to give her a gift and spend time with her for a little bit. This year she hasn’t bothered which is sad for her but also for me as we’ve been friends for years

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Sometimes this is what happens when women get new partners I had a friend just like this who started acting weird when she got a new boyfriend I completely cut her off cause when shit hits the fan it’s me who’s gonna have to pick up the pieces I wouldn’t even bother if she’s blown up on you one thing I will say is as we get older we grow out of people nothing is for us and sticks around for ever just learn to move on ❤️

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Blowing up out of nowhere indicates that there perhaps more going on.
Maybe she’s blown up because she feels guilty that she’s got wrapped up in her boyfriend and neglected other areas of her life, such as not seeing u and ur kids? If she’s been a good friend prior to this, I’d maybe let the dust settle and then try and have a conversation with her and see what’s going on, not a blaming conversation, just an acknowledgment that ur kids miss her and how can u stop this happening again. It could be that she’s got caught up and genuinely hasn’t realised/thought of the impact on ur kids until confronted (hence why she’s then blown up). Ppl who don’t have kids sometimes just don’t think.
If not or if she turns out to not be bothered, don’t invest ur energy in trying to salvage the relationship. If someone is going to build a bond with ur kids and have no conscience flitting in and out, don’t give them that power.

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I mean you’re putting a lot on your friend. Take your children to see her if you’re that concerned. Sounds like she’s just enjoying her own life and tbh people have enough shit to keep on top of at the moment. Don’t put so much pressure on someone else to be in your children’s lives but you aren’t putting that effort in yourself.

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I always ask her to meet up and message to check up on her. She just either doesn’t reply or says she’s busy which is fair enough. She still lives with her parents hence the asking to meet up as I can’t take my children to a elderly couples home it’s not fair on them so we’ve always met up round her house or mine so it suits whichever is busiest that day. I’ve always kept the effort up on my side but she doesn’t do the same so there’s not much i can do if she’s not going to reply to me etc

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Am I in the wrong?

So my MIL has been weird with me from day 1. My partner and I fell pregnant within months of seeing each other so we understood her reaction to me being pregnant was never going to be positive.

She then started going through a divorce when I hit the 12 week mark and we moved out, she didn’t reach out for a couple of weeks but we assumed she was just busy with lawyer stuff so didn’t pester. However weeks then turned into months etc. my partner would text his mum and she’d ignore the texts.

I was 8.5 months pregnant when she decided she wanted to come back. She apologised to us both directly for being absent my entire pregnancy and explained she was depressed, struggling etc. we decided to forgive her and let it go.

Our son was born August 2023 and the first year of his life she was present and a great grandmother to him, don’t get me wrong she was still “off” with me like whenever I would speak about my son she wouldn’t respond to me, she would come over and not really engage much with me, make snidely comments about me going back to work at 5 months PP despite the fact I’m providing for her son to be a stay at home dad etc but I just thought I’d be civil for my son. We got engaged in October 2023, she didn’t congratulate us.

January 2025 she started being VERY OFF. She deleted me off all social media’s for no reason, blocked my number. My partner asked why and she said she didn’t like me as a person. So I decided from then on if she wanted to see our son my partner would take him to her.

The rest of 2025, she was very inconsistent. We would ask her to take our son as she usually would and she’d say “can’t I’m dying my hair today” and silly excuses. We then had 4 miscarriages that year and not once did she send condolences or offer to support. It got to August, our sons bday and she got him 2 of the same gifts we did - she came to our house and I said aw it’s okay these things happen no big deal. Her mood changed and when my parents arrived my son got really excited and she left. She then text my partner that night saying my parents were rude to her and turning our son against her? 😂 he’s 2!!!!!

My partner had enough and had a go at her, saying no wonder my son was excited to see my parents when he sees them every 2 weeks. Since then she went in a mood and stopped speaking to us and visiting or allowing my partner to visit.

We fell pregnant in August 2025 and this baby has stuck. We shared our pregnancy with family and she hasn’t contacted us. From August to Feb 2026 she was radio silent, hasn’t asked for our sons at all. Ignoring texts.

Today, she has contacted my partner to try apologise and worm her way back in, I told my partner I’m having none of it and she won’t be seeing our son or new baby as she yet again has disappeared for over 6 months for no reason which isn’t fair on us or our son as he’s getting older and more aware!

Am I being reasonable? The way I see it is if this was a parent acting this inconsistent and being deadbeat they wouldn’t be allowed to run back in.

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