Labor Fears; Long Post

As labor approaches Im starting to get fearful of my hospital experience. My mother and I don’t always see eye to eye and she’ll be present for my birth. I have a birth plan and she always jokes that I’m “doing too much” but I’m VERY serious about what I asked for and what I do not want. My mom is very trusting of western medicine where as I like to ask questions, research and do what I feel is best for me and baby. My younger sister and my best friend were also supposed to be present in the room but I found out today that I can only have two people present.

On the other hand, there is another hospital I can labor at that allows 3 people in the room but during my emergency visit there a few months back they “lost” my ultrasound and gave me another patient’s discharge paperwork.

I fear that if I’m unable to speak for myself that my mother won’t advocate for me bc she doesn’t respect my wishes. As a black woman in the hospital this puts me at unease bc of our death rates during labor & how medical professionals don’t hear our voices.

I’m considering laboring at the hospital I had the bad experience with just to put my mind at ease knowing my best friend will be present to advocate for me.

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I had this fear as well, but I had the BEST nurses, staff, specialists I could have ever asked for. I had a birth plan and it all went out the window. Once I got to the hospital all I knew was I wanted the epidural ASAP. Thankfully the nurses listened to everything I needed, asked or needed encouragement on. If you don’t like your nurse ask for another one. Even though the might switch out

May I ask why you want your mother there if you cannot trust her to advocate for exclusively what you want? Surely, that is absolutely most important?

Do what’s best for your mind, body and soul! It shouldn’t be stressful for you. The medical professionals will not want you to be stressed while your in labor! Consider the proa and cons! Your health and your baby’s health is way more important than your mom and your best friends feelings or whatever else. You want the BEST care for you and baby!

Unfortunately, we don't have much control when it comes to pregnancy. Although things can happen, most of the time people are alright. There's a lot of positive birth stories out there. Maybe focusing on the that and potential positives can help.

this is an experience I’ve wanted to share with my mother. I am her first born and this is her first grandchild. Even though we don’t see eye to eye on medical practices I don’t wish to exclude her from my birthing experience. She’s old school and wants what is best for me. she is just new to the idea of birthing plans and making your own decisions in your birth.

I would have a serious conversation with your mom about your concerns. It sounds like she wants the best for you and maybe she just needs to hear how you are truly feeling and your expectations of her being your advocate and explain why certain things are important to you. Best of luck mama

i sat with her today and we talked for a while about my birth plan and my fears. Ultimately she doesn’t want me to be afraid going into the labor room and wants me to be more open to what Drs suggest but said she’ll follow what I requested to the best of her ability. It was really reassuring. & thank you for the well wishes!

makes sense and that is really lovely.

I saw you spoke to her today… maybe another thing to do is also share some of your research and some super positive natural birth resources.

One thing my doula had my husband discuss which was really helpful was how he will feel watching me in pain… how difficult it might be etc and I shared my deep motivators around wanting a natural, unmedicated birth… that shifted him so he really understood what he was advocating for.

Good luck! I am sure it will all work out beautifully x

Your feelings are so valid! Having a safe advocate during labor is so important so I would prioritize that. Is it too late to maybe hire and midwife or doula? They are trained medical professionals who’s jobs are to both support your labor and delivery and advocate for you so you can focus on having a positive birth experience

in our community

wtf moment?

I have been going back and forth with my husband lately. Well not lately it’s been years. He is the best husband and father you could ask for; for two weeks. Then he’s inconsistent. It drives me mad. Then he’s back to husband and dad of the year , then back to same inconsistency. I talked to him about this last night and he said “if i was lovey dovey and acted like this all the time you’d get bored and cheat on me.”

Ok so for starters i know some of you are going to say omg omg omg super controlling omg leave omg. No im not doing that. Im happy he finally admitted his wrong doing and taking accountability for it but id like to know the deeper reason, the what the f has him thinking like this reason, the personality trait reason. He’s obviously scared I’m going to leave him; so much so that he’s doing this dumb shit to prevent it. Past trauma? What do y’all think I can do to get him to see I’m not going anywhere? I’m consistent already, I married him, we have a baby. He really is the love of my life. I have never loved another man like this before.. but this shit is for the birds and he thinks he’s keeping me doing this but in actuality it’s making me lose respect and detach.

worried about a family members baby

So this child is three months old and she isn’t being fed from 10pm till 6/7 am idk if this is normal or safe and it’s been like this since 2 months i believe as she won’t wake her for feeds she goes to the pub drinking most nights with her baby and her baby has already been in hospital with a very low temperature bc she was outside but as soon as she was in a warm car she warmed up and doctors said she was fine she lets cats play with her bouncers toys that go over her and doesn’t strap her in she is cold from what i’ve heard from other family members and they’ve tried to warm her hands and she’s wet herself at my parents and she hasn’t had a spare vest to put on her and i offered her a blanket as she didn’t have one and she declined and she won’t listen to anyone about it she’s already left the baby with my parents for the night to go out drinking and personally i couldn’t leave my three month old because my parents said she just cried and im really unsure whether to report her or not and her house smells of dog wee/poo as she’s never home to look after them and that’s not safe for the baby i understand being lonely but she doesn’t need to go to the pub every night her friends could
go
to hers or her she could go to a cafe that has closed doors not sat outside a cold pub and it’s a bit of a rough pub in my opinion

my parents are concerned btw but they say i shouldn’t report her as it’s not fair but i feel how the baby is treated isn’t fair

Does anyone else hate their partner?

I’m now a little over 2 months postpartum and I’ve struggled with genuinely just not liking my partner anymore since we found out I was pregnant last year. I catch myself just staring at him with hatred because I’m so sick and tired of his bullshit. He is just now getting a job and has not had one since THANKSGIVING!!! Meanwhile I was working full time until I finally got too sick to be able to work. I genuinely want him out of my house but I depend on him as far as driving goes bc I don’t have a car. I also still love him deep down and don’t want to put him out on the street but he’s driving me genuinely insane. Any advice?

Heartbreak

After years of trying, months of back and fourth on the fate of our marriage, indecision, fights. The whole enchilada my husband and I are separating, divorcing. Whatever. I'm so goddamn heart broken. I feel like it's a death and I'm in mourning. We have a 3 year old son and currently and for the foreseeable we are going to coparent and live together. This makes things harder because neither one of us can really move on but it's how it is. He understands and he's trying to heal too. But I can't understand why now that things are over he can be kind. He's been more amazing in the last week since I ended things than ever. Why couldn't he do that when we were together for years I begged for change, we saw a counselor I tried everything and he just wouldn't. Now he seems to turn a switch and be able to just do it all. But it's too late. My heart aches. My body aches. Love sucks.

Partner works incredibly long hours, how much do they help out?

I'm struggling. Have been for a while. I've had one break from parenting my daughter, that was for 3 hours in December when I left her with her dad.

She's 14 months old and I'm just tired. I've done every night by myself. He's out of bed at 4am and doesn't get home until 7-9pm. He drives for work, very physically tiring.
On the weekends he was doing 6 days, one weekend day off, but now has both off.

He doesn't sit on the floor and play with her, he doesn't read to her because he says she doesn't have the patience.
He will pick her up and hold her whilst he's cooking.

Recently I've been "snappy" with him.
He got back from the mechanic last weekend, she was getting onto the sofa and he put his headphones on and started to watch Netflix on his phone.
The same day I told him I was going to run her bath and to watch her whilst she was still eating, he fell asleep on the sofa.

Today he went to football after going shopping, so was out 1-3 and then from 4-8.
He got back and I was snappy.

"I don't get why you're so snappy with me"

I said - Probably because I haven't had a break since December.

"Do you think I don't know you haven't had a break. I haven't had a break", "I just won't go to work, I'll sit at home all day".

Then "do you think I like not having a connection to my child"... But that's on him? He never sits to play with her. He "doesn't see the point". He's stated that this age is boring to him.

Since she's been born, he has been to a friend's once a month. Football - He stopped going for 7months, but has been the last two weekends.

Are these not breaks?

He does do the washing/washing up/cooking/vacuuming when I haven't had a chance to; but I'm the one in charge of feeding her, naps/bedtime, teeth brushing, hair brushing, baths, dressing her, making sure she has the right shoes, appointments etc. Everything falls on me.

If your partner works ridiculously long hours, how much do they look after your child? Do you ever get a break?

Help!!!

Am I wrong if I secide to stop doing baths etc for my little ones. We have a 3 and 1 year old. I do all the baths wake up in ams cooking etc. I dont want them to be dirty but it's like I need a break and Im tired of doing it all by myself. He will come up and help after they are out the tub every now and then and that pisses me off. Im taking care of 2 littles one by myself makes no sense. I asked him to give them baths tonight he said I worked all day what did you do...ive had the children all day. We went to church he didn't go. We all know how little ones are.. but what should I do bcus it feels like I'm going crazy