How to help an alcoholic?

My partner is an alcoholic, he lives in the same house as us but mainly sees our sons on weekends, if he isn't hungover in bed all day, eating crap and binge watching TV, whilst I sometimes manage to eat the crusts of my kids toast, my self care isn't great. He finnishes work at 4pm yet only makes it home 20 mins before our children go to bed maybe twice a week on average.
He is the fun dad but flakes out at the first sign of a cry, he sits on his phone and ignores our children constantly. If I complain of a headache, he has a migraine and of course everything is compared to his work, I have done 95% of childcare since they were born, and 100% of the night care.
We have good days sometimes but I have also lost count of the amount of days he has spent in bed hungover since they were born. Our universal credit goes on all the bills, his earnings are 70% his own after food and electric is paid, I live off the child benifit payment. This is not the life we planned.
He has taken the first step and openly admitted to me that he is an alcoholic of his own accord and that he wants to change.
Im so happy he has made this decision but he's asked me to keep it to myself and Im angry that I feel like I can't be mad at him because he needs help.

He has no idea of what he has put me through because he's been to wrapped up in denial and chasing a good time.

I will not be leaving him so please refrain from telling me to do that, it isn't helpful or constructive for me, I am looking for advice, what's out there? How do I help an alcoholic that wants help? Is there a suscsess story someone could share to help me see the light at the end of the tunnel?

Also.. Opinions on telling his mum, she already privately shares her concerns with me about his drinking. She isn't in good health and has some major concerns about her daughters current mental health too, am I burdening her with something she essentially can't help with? Would I be breaking his trust and threatening his chance at sucseeding in this? I dont know how to help and am not sure I'm qualified or equipped to take on the responsibility I feel he has asked me too. Selfishly, I feel as though I spend all day looking after everyone else so at 8pm when the kids are in bed I need someone that can help me not someone else to be responsible for. My load needs sharing, not adding too.

I feel like I'm inbetween a rock and a hard place.

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He needs help, admitting you are powerless & need help to stop is the first step. Acknowledging you have a problem another step. I think it’s promising. No addict likes to go to rehab or treatment but if he’s already showing signs of a desire to stop drinking then I would make arrangements for him @ a treatment facility & pack his bag & drop him off. If he decides to leave before the 30 days then make sure he knows what’s @ Stake. You said you won’t leave him, but once he’s inside & you finally get relief from the constant craziness it is to live with an alcoholic, you may start thinking differently. Remain strong & stern & do not enable any longer if you really desire change in your life & children’s ♥️

I'm in the UK. I'm going to be assuming things are a bit different here but I'm pretty sure it costs thousands we don't have, my partner won't even talk to a GP

Alcoholics Anonymous will be a step in the right direction, as well as meetings etc for him, you can also get sessions for yourself

I’d definitely recommend him going to AA. It’s been an absolute life saver for my husband, who’s now 6 months sober. Your husband has made the 1st step which is admitting he’s an alcoholic, that’s the hardest part. Message me if you want to know more but it’s completely saved us. Xx

So, my husband was also an alcoholic as well as one of my uncles who i am very close too. Both are success stories but go there in 2 different ways.My husband was someone who was aware he was am alcoholic and so was everyone else around him but he didn't like to talk about it. I told him I would never give him an ultimatum that he has to be the one that makes the decision to change. My husband quit cold turkey, and generally fought thr battle alone even though he knew I was here. He needed silent support. We turned into a dry house, we avoided places that were drinking heavy, I made sure to quietly make sure no one offered him drinks at family get together, when he worked out of town he would call me any time he got the urge to stop and buy a 6pack. He is over a year and a half sober. He's pretty good about it but does say it is an ongoing battle, we still have a dry house and avoid places that is mostly about drinking. For my uncle it was different. His wife gave him an ultimatum because she tried the

By keeping it to yourself you are enabling him further. He won’t like it but the best thing is to have it out in the open so everybody knows, so that everybody can help. He will also need to cut out people who he drinks with or he’s only friends with to get drunk. I have been in a similar situation in the past so know how you are feeling but I’m just sharing what worked for me xx

Approach I did and it didn't work. He ended up having to go to treatment and he is over 6 years sober. He also says it is an ongoing battle. Your husband has to choose to want to be sober. He did the first step by admitting he has a problem. But the next step is actively choosing to do something about it. All you can do is be supportive but also realize that it is not on you to change him, or to allow him to use his alcoholism as a cop out. You do have to hold him accountable. I also suggest seeing if someone could take the kids or so for the day and you go out and relax. And then on another day, you and hubby have some deep and serious conversations about your roles and the future

Yea it might be totally different but worth looking into & researching. Around us there are tons of free places & also super pricey ones. My experience is that it doesn’t matter what the cost or how much of a great facility, if the desire to stop drinking isn’t there, it doesn’t work. Stay strong

Look up Michael Maisey, he may be able to help. You could message him on LinkedIn x

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I have been going back and forth with my husband lately. Well not lately it’s been years. He is the best husband and father you could ask for; for two weeks. Then he’s inconsistent. It drives me mad. Then he’s back to husband and dad of the year , then back to same inconsistency. I talked to him about this last night and he said “if i was lovey dovey and acted like this all the time you’d get bored and cheat on me.”

Ok so for starters i know some of you are going to say omg omg omg super controlling omg leave omg. No im not doing that. Im happy he finally admitted his wrong doing and taking accountability for it but id like to know the deeper reason, the what the f has him thinking like this reason, the personality trait reason. He’s obviously scared I’m going to leave him; so much so that he’s doing this dumb shit to prevent it. Past trauma? What do y’all think I can do to get him to see I’m not going anywhere? I’m consistent already, I married him, we have a baby. He really is the love of my life. I have never loved another man like this before.. but this shit is for the birds and he thinks he’s keeping me doing this but in actuality it’s making me lose respect and detach.

worried about a family members baby

So this child is three months old and she isn’t being fed from 10pm till 6/7 am idk if this is normal or safe and it’s been like this since 2 months i believe as she won’t wake her for feeds she goes to the pub drinking most nights with her baby and her baby has already been in hospital with a very low temperature bc she was outside but as soon as she was in a warm car she warmed up and doctors said she was fine she lets cats play with her bouncers toys that go over her and doesn’t strap her in she is cold from what i’ve heard from other family members and they’ve tried to warm her hands and she’s wet herself at my parents and she hasn’t had a spare vest to put on her and i offered her a blanket as she didn’t have one and she declined and she won’t listen to anyone about it she’s already left the baby with my parents for the night to go out drinking and personally i couldn’t leave my three month old because my parents said she just cried and im really unsure whether to report her or not and her house smells of dog wee/poo as she’s never home to look after them and that’s not safe for the baby i understand being lonely but she doesn’t need to go to the pub every night her friends could
go
to hers or her she could go to a cafe that has closed doors not sat outside a cold pub and it’s a bit of a rough pub in my opinion

my parents are concerned btw but they say i shouldn’t report her as it’s not fair but i feel how the baby is treated isn’t fair

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After years of trying, months of back and fourth on the fate of our marriage, indecision, fights. The whole enchilada my husband and I are separating, divorcing. Whatever. I'm so goddamn heart broken. I feel like it's a death and I'm in mourning. We have a 3 year old son and currently and for the foreseeable we are going to coparent and live together. This makes things harder because neither one of us can really move on but it's how it is. He understands and he's trying to heal too. But I can't understand why now that things are over he can be kind. He's been more amazing in the last week since I ended things than ever. Why couldn't he do that when we were together for years I begged for change, we saw a counselor I tried everything and he just wouldn't. Now he seems to turn a switch and be able to just do it all. But it's too late. My heart aches. My body aches. Love sucks.

Partner works incredibly long hours, how much do they help out?

I'm struggling. Have been for a while. I've had one break from parenting my daughter, that was for 3 hours in December when I left her with her dad.

She's 14 months old and I'm just tired. I've done every night by myself. He's out of bed at 4am and doesn't get home until 7-9pm. He drives for work, very physically tiring.
On the weekends he was doing 6 days, one weekend day off, but now has both off.

He doesn't sit on the floor and play with her, he doesn't read to her because he says she doesn't have the patience.
He will pick her up and hold her whilst he's cooking.

Recently I've been "snappy" with him.
He got back from the mechanic last weekend, she was getting onto the sofa and he put his headphones on and started to watch Netflix on his phone.
The same day I told him I was going to run her bath and to watch her whilst she was still eating, he fell asleep on the sofa.

Today he went to football after going shopping, so was out 1-3 and then from 4-8.
He got back and I was snappy.

"I don't get why you're so snappy with me"

I said - Probably because I haven't had a break since December.

"Do you think I don't know you haven't had a break. I haven't had a break", "I just won't go to work, I'll sit at home all day".

Then "do you think I like not having a connection to my child"... But that's on him? He never sits to play with her. He "doesn't see the point". He's stated that this age is boring to him.

Since she's been born, he has been to a friend's once a month. Football - He stopped going for 7months, but has been the last two weekends.

Are these not breaks?

He does do the washing/washing up/cooking/vacuuming when I haven't had a chance to; but I'm the one in charge of feeding her, naps/bedtime, teeth brushing, hair brushing, baths, dressing her, making sure she has the right shoes, appointments etc. Everything falls on me.

If your partner works ridiculously long hours, how much do they look after your child? Do you ever get a break?

Am I wrong ?

My daughter’s 1st birthday was Thursday and nobody wished her a happy birthday from her dads family but his mom watched his story. Should I put my foot down and set boundaries for them to accept accountability or should I just let them stay on that side for as long as they want and not worry about it?