Should I feel bad?

My ex has just kicked up a fuss bc I bought myself clothes. I haven't bought myself clothes in nearly a year, and most of my tops and leggings have holes. I went on shein as they're cheap and tried to do a stock up of tops/leggings and of course got my little one some bits too. My ex asked how I got some new shoes (again shein basic trainers for £8) and I told him. He kicked off saying why is he paying child support if I'm out here buying new clothes. I tried to tell him all my stuff is old and breaking apart and doesn't look good if I show up to work looking like that. He doesn't seem to get it. We coparent, he has lo weekends and I have her during the week. he pays £220 a month and I work part time with some help from UC. What I have left over I have to be careful with, but is he right? Should I have not got myself anything? I wanted to book a holiday for me and my little one for as far in the future to pay as little as possible pm but now I'm scared I'm just going to be judged, and he's not going to pay his child support bc he thinks I've got stacks of cash available! Idk if I'm in the wrong here

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So does he never buy himself something new? What ridiculous logic these men have. His money goes towards his child. Your money you are free to spend how you please. It’s really that simple.

What you buy yourself is none of his business. What money you have is none of his business. The money he pays for his child is because you have the child 80% if the time if he only has them weekends. Regardless of how much money you may have. As long as your child is provided for on your time (which I’m sure they are) tell him to mind his business. If you want to go on holiday and you can manage it then go. If you’re worried about him stopping payments go through the child maintenance service.

I think he thinks I'm using his child support to buy myself clothes. Like he forgets it helps towards keeping a roof over his daughters head, gas electric food, her clothes, transport etc. Its like he wants me to have 0 for myself.

If this is how he is going then I would get his payments through legitimate legal avenues rather than just a deal between the two of you if you haven’t done so already. That way he is forced to pay and can’t really not pay.

Try the AppClose app , he might not understand that you provide for your kid all week before and after the money he gives you so it’s basically just supplemental u can’t wait for his money to get what you need for the baby and I’m sure it doesn’t cover everything I don’t know if he understands that or not but in case he makes it a problem the app could be a good way to keep track of your communications

Very important word you used - ‘ex’. Just because he gives you child support money doesn’t entitle him to tell you what you can and cant do for yourself. He pays £220 and a baby as we all know can be expensive so that’s for your LO, I spend more than £220 a month on baby bits, clothes, nappies etc as she outgrows them quickly. Sounds like he doesn’t wanna see you in half decent clothes, bit selfish.

Sounds like it’s absolutely none of his business if you’re not together

What you spend money on is none of his business? Your child is fed and clothed and looked after so tell him to mind his business and if he threatens to stop the support then go through CSA? X

See you started your statement with EX... as in your business and his are separated. The only thing you have in common is that young one. Next time you purchase something or want to purchase something you tell him don't worry bout it, worry bout you. He can't stop paying for his daughter because at the end of the day, he's responsible for her LEGALLY. Don't be shy girl, stand your ground.

I feel like he’s trying to make an excuse to not pay you as much 🙄

You tell him what you buy is absolutely none of his busieness. Cheeky arsehole. You don’t have to answer to him. He pays child support to pay his child he made

Ignore him. You don’t have to justify what you spend your money on, just because he’s giving you money towards looking after your child doesn’t mean he has the right to tell you how to spend your own money… my husband pays child support through direct pay through CSA, so there can’t be any arguments. We haven’t thought twice about what she spends it on… none of our business!

Lol you work part time and you receive UC, your money is yours. Why do they think that £220 is an extortionate amount of money. Even if you got something really nice for yourself, it’s not his business what you do. Your baby is fed, your bills are paid. The absolute cheek of him

He doesn’t know if you spent the money he gave you or your wages that your work for on the clothes. You need to cloth yourself he’s being ridiculous but this isn’t the first time I’ve heard of this..

He sounds like a little bitch

I'm sorry but £220 a month isn't going to allow you to get everything you need for your baby and kit yourself out! Buy whatever you want!!!!!!

That money isn't just for nappies and milk- it's towards heating, water etc. So let him say what he wants but you do whatever you like. Your finances are your business! His contribution is to your household and that's it!

in our community

wtf moment?

I have been going back and forth with my husband lately. Well not lately it’s been years. He is the best husband and father you could ask for; for two weeks. Then he’s inconsistent. It drives me mad. Then he’s back to husband and dad of the year , then back to same inconsistency. I talked to him about this last night and he said “if i was lovey dovey and acted like this all the time you’d get bored and cheat on me.”

Ok so for starters i know some of you are going to say omg omg omg super controlling omg leave omg. No im not doing that. Im happy he finally admitted his wrong doing and taking accountability for it but id like to know the deeper reason, the what the f has him thinking like this reason, the personality trait reason. He’s obviously scared I’m going to leave him; so much so that he’s doing this dumb shit to prevent it. Past trauma? What do y’all think I can do to get him to see I’m not going anywhere? I’m consistent already, I married him, we have a baby. He really is the love of my life. I have never loved another man like this before.. but this shit is for the birds and he thinks he’s keeping me doing this but in actuality it’s making me lose respect and detach.

worried about a family members baby

So this child is three months old and she isn’t being fed from 10pm till 6/7 am idk if this is normal or safe and it’s been like this since 2 months i believe as she won’t wake her for feeds she goes to the pub drinking most nights with her baby and her baby has already been in hospital with a very low temperature bc she was outside but as soon as she was in a warm car she warmed up and doctors said she was fine she lets cats play with her bouncers toys that go over her and doesn’t strap her in she is cold from what i’ve heard from other family members and they’ve tried to warm her hands and she’s wet herself at my parents and she hasn’t had a spare vest to put on her and i offered her a blanket as she didn’t have one and she declined and she won’t listen to anyone about it she’s already left the baby with my parents for the night to go out drinking and personally i couldn’t leave my three month old because my parents said she just cried and im really unsure whether to report her or not and her house smells of dog wee/poo as she’s never home to look after them and that’s not safe for the baby i understand being lonely but she doesn’t need to go to the pub every night her friends could
go
to hers or her she could go to a cafe that has closed doors not sat outside a cold pub and it’s a bit of a rough pub in my opinion

my parents are concerned btw but they say i shouldn’t report her as it’s not fair but i feel how the baby is treated isn’t fair

Does anyone else hate their partner?

I’m now a little over 2 months postpartum and I’ve struggled with genuinely just not liking my partner anymore since we found out I was pregnant last year. I catch myself just staring at him with hatred because I’m so sick and tired of his bullshit. He is just now getting a job and has not had one since THANKSGIVING!!! Meanwhile I was working full time until I finally got too sick to be able to work. I genuinely want him out of my house but I depend on him as far as driving goes bc I don’t have a car. I also still love him deep down and don’t want to put him out on the street but he’s driving me genuinely insane. Any advice?

Heartbreak

After years of trying, months of back and fourth on the fate of our marriage, indecision, fights. The whole enchilada my husband and I are separating, divorcing. Whatever. I'm so goddamn heart broken. I feel like it's a death and I'm in mourning. We have a 3 year old son and currently and for the foreseeable we are going to coparent and live together. This makes things harder because neither one of us can really move on but it's how it is. He understands and he's trying to heal too. But I can't understand why now that things are over he can be kind. He's been more amazing in the last week since I ended things than ever. Why couldn't he do that when we were together for years I begged for change, we saw a counselor I tried everything and he just wouldn't. Now he seems to turn a switch and be able to just do it all. But it's too late. My heart aches. My body aches. Love sucks.

Partner works incredibly long hours, how much do they help out?

I'm struggling. Have been for a while. I've had one break from parenting my daughter, that was for 3 hours in December when I left her with her dad.

She's 14 months old and I'm just tired. I've done every night by myself. He's out of bed at 4am and doesn't get home until 7-9pm. He drives for work, very physically tiring.
On the weekends he was doing 6 days, one weekend day off, but now has both off.

He doesn't sit on the floor and play with her, he doesn't read to her because he says she doesn't have the patience.
He will pick her up and hold her whilst he's cooking.

Recently I've been "snappy" with him.
He got back from the mechanic last weekend, she was getting onto the sofa and he put his headphones on and started to watch Netflix on his phone.
The same day I told him I was going to run her bath and to watch her whilst she was still eating, he fell asleep on the sofa.

Today he went to football after going shopping, so was out 1-3 and then from 4-8.
He got back and I was snappy.

"I don't get why you're so snappy with me"

I said - Probably because I haven't had a break since December.

"Do you think I don't know you haven't had a break. I haven't had a break", "I just won't go to work, I'll sit at home all day".

Then "do you think I like not having a connection to my child"... But that's on him? He never sits to play with her. He "doesn't see the point". He's stated that this age is boring to him.

Since she's been born, he has been to a friend's once a month. Football - He stopped going for 7months, but has been the last two weekends.

Are these not breaks?

He does do the washing/washing up/cooking/vacuuming when I haven't had a chance to; but I'm the one in charge of feeding her, naps/bedtime, teeth brushing, hair brushing, baths, dressing her, making sure she has the right shoes, appointments etc. Everything falls on me.

If your partner works ridiculously long hours, how much do they look after your child? Do you ever get a break?

Am I wrong ?

My daughter’s 1st birthday was Thursday and nobody wished her a happy birthday from her dads family but his mom watched his story. Should I put my foot down and set boundaries for them to accept accountability or should I just let them stay on that side for as long as they want and not worry about it?