Discipline

No spanking .. take away their favorite toy. Put them on time out (the toys) until they behave..

my husband and i discipline with patience! he’s a child psychologist and also this is what works for our family. we’re very firm believers in that discipline is supposed to be good for both the parent and child/ren even if it’s only noticeable in the long run. but we don’t do punishments like time out or taking things away, we believe in teaching our kids self discipline so they can learn to deal with their emotions. for example- we have a disneyland year pass and once my kids started acting out i just looked for the nearest bench/sitting area and we sat down. didn’t continue to go anywhere or distract them with fun etc. we sat there for 3 hours and during those hours i didn’t say anything like “here’s what we’re gonna do then” “shhh” etc..we sat there and i started doing breathing exercises and once my toddler stopped crying and noticed they joined me and learned to self soothe and make themselves feel better.

when a toddler has a tantrum or acts out their brain is usually in fight or flight mode and when we discipline them in a form of punishment like taking things away or sending them off to time out doesn’t help them work on their emotions properly and just makes them even more uncomfortable and can lead to other problems. toddlers don’t have the vocabulary to voice how exactly they feel so they do it through their actions. even though my kids are still young and forget how to self soothe i don’t mind stopping for hours to remind them about breathing and relaxing, one day they’ll get there. but after they’re calm we always talk, and before we continue a fun day we make sure whatever was the issue is solved first. in the long run it’ll be worth it

Explain things to them calmly and give them time to calm down. They’re learning about all of their feelings and how to respond/react in different situations…

discipline shouldn’t only benefit parents, when we spank, sent off to time out, take things away etc we are only showing kids that we are authority/power wielding roles. i want my kids to know they can be comfortable around us and in times that they are not comfortable then we can get comfortable together. i do get frustrated and overwhelmed when they act out so sitting down, deep breaths, and then just casually talking it out and explaining how we feel also helps me. it teaches me kids how to soothe themselves rather than “oh i shouldn’t act like this or else mom/dad will do this…” etc kids shouldn’t fear their parents or only be well behaved because they don’t want toys taken away. as parents it’s our job to make sure we raise healthy functioning people that will one day shape our society, rather than teaching them to only act well because they fear consequences we should be teaching them to be self disciplined and to handle themselves/accountable for their own emotions

Check out the connected kid tool kit by Shelly Robinson. It’s designed for parents who weren’t raised with ways ti regulate their emotions (spanking, yelling) and want to be cycle breakers.

https://www.shellyrobinson.com/parenting-tools/connected-kid-toolkit/

I got beat as a kid (immigrant parents) and vowed to never hit my kid because it fucked me up so badly. There’s another way.

Im reading a book called the happiest toddler on the block and it’s all about how to civilize a toddler with minimal frustration. It teaches about speaking the toddler language so they understand. My baby is only 7 months so I’m trying to get ahead but so far it makes a lot of sense. I got my copy on Amazon.

Read the book Brain-Body Parenting by Mona Delahooke, PhD. That’s my best advice, as the mother of a challenging six-year-old and less challenging four-year-old. We spun our wheels with timeouts and “consequences” for years. Now I understand why they didn’t work and what we can do differently, based on neuroscience.