Putting baby down

3 week old, FTM. So my baby had really been struggling to settle whenever I lay him down in his basket or away from me. I get that babies really love cuddles and being close to you, but I can't put him down to go to the toilet or anything. As soon as he's down even when he's sound asleep he starts to stir and fuss. I've tried using dummies and rocking his bed, but the only way to calm him is to pick him up. He settles straight away once he's in my arms.

I don't mind doing this as he is so little and probably still struggling to process that he's no longer in the womb etc. But I'm just wondering at what age/stage should I expect him to start settling in a basket or cot by himself? When can I get the use of both my arms back basically 😅

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Mine settles during the day but not at night he is a week old, try getting a sling that way baby is close to you and you can still use your arms

I found that I wasn't winding Baby properly around week 3. Now I am doing better (especially with wonky winding), I find Baby less fussy. You'd think I'd be a pro with this being my 4th! But some babies are clingier than others.
Babywearing will give you your hands back. I recommend seeing a sling wearing hire group for advice before committing to a sling or carrier.

@LittleMi not heard of wonky winding will look it up. I did wonder if it was a gas thing as he does love getting bounced/patted to calm down. Will look into it.

@Penny Payton yes I've been using my sling. Though sometimes when he's very fussy he straightens out his super long legs in the sling and headbutts me in the chin 😅

Have you tried a baby swing and swaddling? Also a sling can really help :)

Wonky winding - there are a few demos on YouTube. All it involves is keeping Baby at an angle while winding. (As Baby is facing you, head to the right, toes to the left) It helps the bubbles travel up and out (or down and out) quicker.

wonky winding was a life saver with my last baby !

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I think Motherhood has made me more bitter than I realized…

This is such a ramble but I don’t know where else to put it all.

I’m four months in and I don’t really have hobbies right now. I don’t do anything for myself except maybe doomscrolling or listening to a podcast while I breastfeed my baby. I used to craft and have game nights with friends. Activities that usually are at least 2 hour stretches. Now if I have an hour free my mind immediately goes to baby, or doing something in the house for baby.

And I thought I didn’t mind. Like I knew postpartum could be very mentally consuming. But I think it’s altering how I view people around me and it’s prodding at my relationship with my husband.

He spends most of his time making food for us, looking after our dogs, playing with the baby, ect. But he still has time for his hobby. Spends maybe an hour a night on it. Even adapted to using a bot for shopping for his hobby after a certain incident where we had to have a heart to heart after he left me home alone with the baby for hours during a busy workday (I work from home) to shop for his hobby.

And yet there’s like this little green eyed monster in me that rages every time I know he’s running off to start up the bot. Even though I’m the reason he does it this way.

We took a family trip last weekend to see his best friend and their kids and let them meet the baby. He brought the laptop. He’s always brought a laptop on trips and it’s never been a problem to me before. But one night we both woke up while the baby was still asleep, and he wandered out of the room. I tried to fall back asleep but couldn’t. So I went to the kitchen to try having something warm to drink to settle me. And he was there at the table running the bot from his laptop. I flipped out at him. But there really wasn’t reason to. It’s not like I needed help with the baby and he was ignoring me. He wasn’t avoiding our friends. He was just awake and unable to sleep and found something to do with his time. Yet my snap reaction was “why the hell would you do this on a family trip?”

I don’t know what it is. Maybe it’s the less complete sleep from baby’s middle of the night feed? My brain being just consumed by baby? Maybe I’m not as over that shopping incident as I thought? But I’m just so annoyed at his hobby right now. The green eyed monster thinks “you could be using that time differently” but realistically to do what exactly??? Stare at our baby in the dark???

I spent probably an hour apologizing to him after I snapped. And he’s of course hurt and frustrated because I said some very mean things in the moment.

I don’t want to be this jealous, angry person. But I also don’t know how to find time for myself in this right now outside of basic hygiene. It’s like I’ve forgotten how to be myself, even if just for an hour.

Maybe I need a therapist.

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Putting baby down

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