need advice - sorry for the long read

hi everyone, so i have an autistic little cousin, he is 5 years old i believe. he is verbal and very active. i have a 14mo daughter who is walking and loves to play and have fun, and for some reason she always gravitates towards him. idk what happened, my cousin used to pay her no mind but all of a sudden, ever since she started fully walking, he tends push her onto the ground while she walks. it’s happened twice now. the first time was a little nudge and she fell on her bottom, i was behind her luckily and it wasn’t bad. the second time he literally stopped her in her tracks, wrapped his arm around her, and deliberately bent her over until she fell back, as she hit her head on the ground, he ran away and kept asking if she’s sad while she cried. i’m so heated and upset that he keeps doing this to her, it makes me angry and i’m having a hard time dealing with this because i feel like i can’t overreact because of his situation. the second time, his mother was around so i kept quiet and sat back to see how she’d deal with it and she handled it so calmly. i’m just afraid that because she wasn’t strongly adamant, he wouldn’t take her serious and he’d do it again. he also moves away everytime she comes to him, and hogs her toys away. i will keep her from him in the meantime but i really want to figure out how we can discipline him not to keep doing this. i want to talk to my aunt about it and idk how to approach this… i’m just really frustrated and need some advice. please no hate or judgement. i’m just worried for my baby and hurt because i want him to accept my little one.

TIA x

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No judgment. But a lot of moms that have children with Autism speak gently because they can just shut down and can make the behavior worse, not better. He asked if she was sad because he probably didn't understand why she cried. So, explaining why and why it is not okay is the best. One of the reasons he could be so adverse to her walking is that it could be overwhelming to him that she can approach him fast or at an increased height. Now let me be clear it is not okay what he did, and yes, he needs to be taught so but also maybe teach your child to be more cautious. My son also did this when my daughter began walking. It is very important to be constant with telling him no. I found time out worked as more of a method to help calm down and allow him to take everything in. Never allow the excuse if well he has autism to stand.

thank you so much for your input, i completely understand the speaking gentle approach as i would’ve done the same, he does get overwhelmed pretty quick. but i just wanted to know if there were other ways to express strongly, maybe not verbally in a sense but, other tips or tricks to get him to know how serious and adamant we are when or if that situation occurs. i can’t blame my aunt as this is her first experience raising a child with autism. she is learning, we all are. and for me, it’s my first child too and she is getting to that age where i have to start disciplining her as well. i know my aunt has a big influence on him; more than me. and i know he’d listen to her before he does me, and what if she’s not around. but we’ll definitely give it time.

I am always willing to listen, so DM if you want some one to listen

Speak to your aunt about your worries.
You both need to be more vigilant when the kids are together, but remember also hes still only 5, and may have the understanding of a child much younger due to his disability.
He is not your child and i would argue that its not your place to discipline him, everyone has a different parenting style.
Teach and show by example how you want them to play together.
Ask your aunt what he enjoys doing, and get her input for suggestions on activites maybe both kids would be able to enjoy together.

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