Hormones or general upset?!

Aww no! You're not at fault at all, you did what you thought was best with the information you had and how you felt in the moment. You did everything to get your beautiful baby into the world and you definitely sound like you went through it! You're so strong and deserve to feel so proud of yourself ❤️
The perfect homebirth would be magical and I'm sure most of us would opt for it if we could guarantee ours and baby's absolute safety and comfort, but sometimes that's not always the case. For example, I felt a lot safer knowing I was in hospital, but that's not to say it would've been worse or better at home. In the end we will always find things we regret or wish we could change and I think thats totally normal as there's so much pressure put on women to have the perfect birth! Xx

you’ve set me off again but in a nice way! Thank you so much 💕

Hi! What happened with your birth sounds pretty similar to what happened to me, it took ages to dilate and got sepsis as well, came super close to having an emergency c section because baby was in distress. My health visitor arranged for me to have a birth debrief at the hospital to go through my notes and for me to ask questions about what happened to better understand it. You might be able to do something similar? It might help you process it and better understand why it went the way it did. I understand where you're coming from though, I sometimes still struggle as well with how it all went and how I would've liked it to go so you're not alone!

I feel the same way when I reflect on my birth- a lot of “what ifs”. For that reason, I’ve booked a birth debrief via the midwifery team. I’m booked in with the consultant that did the procedure when I had to go to theatre. I’m looking forward to it, because I think about it every day. X

Thanks so much ladies, I will definitely try to get a birth debrief! I just can’t seem to shake these thoughts today. It’s very stressful X

You did the best you could with the situation at the time! I feel there are things I would do differently if I had another child but I try not to dwell on it, you can’t change the past but if you get pregnant again you’ll know to look at all kinds of things like homebirth and Hypnobirthing, the main thing is that this baby is here and safe and so loved x

My first birth wasn't great, but doesn't sound anywhere near what you went through, but 2nd was much better and 3rd better again. Seems like you made the best choices with the info. you had at the time. Whilst pregnant with my 2nd I did some research and had an amazing community midwife and decided I wanted less 'intervention' unless absolutely necessary and sticking up for what I wanted e.g. no induction on the due date (was consultant led but induction not necessary but tried to push me into it). After 2 pretty straightforward and 'easy' births I do still sometimes wonder what made the first be so different, but try not to dwell on it as in the end baby was delivered without any long term effects and is healthy and happy now. If you decide to have another talk through options/alternatives with midwives/consultants and don't be afraid to question or ask for further explanation on anything, and ask for time to make a decision if you feel uneasy about making it on the spot