Why is he like this?

My husband is the type of man who just thinks he has it worse than I do. All he does is work and pay the bills. Meanwhile, I have a job, I go to college as a graduate student, be a full time mom, remember doctor appointments on top my own doctor appointments, remember and show up for special school activities, wash clothes, wash dishes, clean up, help get kids ready and together, always remembering to give medicine, taking kids to school everyday, helping with homework, etc and so much more. I am on leave from my job right now due to health reasons. He wants to sit up and try to make it like he’s juggling a lot. Hell I AM JUGGLING ALOT. All he has to do is work and focus on a bill. I have to do a million things on top of juggle on my own shit. A lot of times I become stressed, irritable, angry, and defeated because nobody from family helps. He doesn’t even make sure I have a day to myself or at least wash clothes or do anything helpful towards me but I’m always helping his ass out. When it’s time to go to my doctor appointments, I always have to lug my toddler with me every time because she’s not in daycare nor do I have a babysitter. I don’t ever have no time to myself to focus. I’m helping him out way too much. He can work overtime and does as he pleases while I am struggling mentally, emotionally, and physically. I am fucking exhausted. I’ve been a full time mother, wife, student, employee for years with no real breaks. I literally had my kids back to back while still pursuing my degree and graduated, still being a full time mother ripping and running them to daycare and picking them up on my own. I’ve done so much shit that it should never be overlooked so when he gets to trying to compare himself to me… I SEE NO COMPARISON. My role is way worse!!!

Read more on Peanut

The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.

Learn more about our guidelines.
Add a comment
Avatar

unfortunately most men are raised to be able to handle physical stress not mental stress

Avatar

I can relate if u wanna chat hmu

Avatar

Sounds common.. I'm sorry you too have to deal with it though. I work from home almost every day with maybe having a couple days off a month on top of being home with our 10month old daily I take care of housework and the other kids (2 of which are my stepkids only 1 other bio) I have 0 time to myself unless I literally tell my husband I'll get our daughter from school and it's just to her school..maybe 10mins & I leave him home with our son but even at night I get no time

Avatar

Please take a moment for yourself momma. You will explode, if you haven’t done so already. I recognize the work you do. You do a lot! Thank you for the work you do on top of the work you have to do for yourself. Please seek therapy, I know your time is thin. Someone else may help you see things or make decisions you need to make for you. I’m not just saying this, I’m living it.

Also, outsource. If you can afford to drop that laundry off and let someone else wash/dry/fold do it! If you can get someone to come through and do a deep clean once a month, do it! You shouldn’t have to, but if it will give you time to breathe please do it. Also, utilize technology to assist you. Order groceries. Get subscriptions from Amazon for things you use all the time.

I know it’s hard to set boundaries in relationships when the boundaries have gotten so out of whack. Implement little things here and there.

We have to let them know helping out is not an option it’s mandatory.

Love to you 💕

Avatar

If you’re on Facebook go to bridging the gaps page - you’ll find like minded souls and lots of help

Read more on Peanut

Trending

in our community

wtf moment?

I have been going back and forth with my husband lately. Well not lately it’s been years. He is the best husband and father you could ask for; for two weeks. Then he’s inconsistent. It drives me mad. Then he’s back to husband and dad of the year , then back to same inconsistency. I talked to him about this last night and he said “if i was lovey dovey and acted like this all the time you’d get bored and cheat on me.”

Ok so for starters i know some of you are going to say omg omg omg super controlling omg leave omg. No im not doing that. Im happy he finally admitted his wrong doing and taking accountability for it but id like to know the deeper reason, the what the f has him thinking like this reason, the personality trait reason. He’s obviously scared I’m going to leave him; so much so that he’s doing this dumb shit to prevent it. Past trauma? What do y’all think I can do to get him to see I’m not going anywhere? I’m consistent already, I married him, we have a baby. He really is the love of my life. I have never loved another man like this before.. but this shit is for the birds and he thinks he’s keeping me doing this but in actuality it’s making me lose respect and detach.

Avatar

8

Divorced at 5 months PP

My husband just divorced me yesterday.

I'm 5 months post partum and I feel like complete shit. I literally can't stop crying and I don't feel like eating and this whole week my milk supply has gone down due to stress and not eating. What helps with milk supply?

The divorce- on Monday at 5am me and my husband had a small argument on text. It was regarding him not catering to my love language. I sent him a video on how women shouldn't have to ask and how laziness can kill a relationship. We've had many arguments regarding this prior about him not catering to my love language and he doesn't buy me flowers or doesn't think of me. Anyways this night, he text me saying he doesn't do Mother's Day and all that, he doesn't want to buy me flowers because my sisters buy me flowers and he can't be arsed with my moods. He said I've not been his peace and said he's done.
I replied "okay. All I want is for you to appreciate me and love me as your wife and mother of your child. I'm not pushing you away, I'm begging you to love me etc etc. I'm done too."

I come home from my errands that morning and he's upped and left. He took all of his belongings, clothes, drawer, tv- everything.

He didn't ring or text me or anything.

The property is in my name and as he left and didn't leave the key, I changed the locks the next day. I feel this is what pushed him over the edge.

He officially divorced me on Saturday.
I'm 5 months post partum and I have a 5 year old from my ex partner too.

I just want to talk about it with someone that's not biased. Was I asking for too much? I feel he just didn't want to be with me anymore and used this as an excuse? Or is that me overthinking....
Input would be nice xoxo

Avatar

1

7

Partner is giving me the silent treatment

So I was struggling with my postpartum anxiety bad yesterday. My partner and I was out for drinks with family. He kept making jokes about treating me a bit shit.
Which no one thought was funny. I am usually quite patient about him using me as his jokes, but yesterday it hurt.

When we got home I told him it made me feel disrespected. Now he is giving me the cold fat shoulder?! What do I do ?

Avatar

1

14

worried about a family members baby

So this child is three months old and she isn’t being fed from 10pm till 6/7 am idk if this is normal or safe and it’s been like this since 2 months i believe as she won’t wake her for feeds she goes to the pub drinking most nights with her baby and her baby has already been in hospital with a very low temperature bc she was outside but as soon as she was in a warm car she warmed up and doctors said she was fine she lets cats play with her bouncers toys that go over her and doesn’t strap her in she is cold from what i’ve heard from other family members and they’ve tried to warm her hands and she’s wet herself at my parents and she hasn’t had a spare vest to put on her and i offered her a blanket as she didn’t have one and she declined and she won’t listen to anyone about it she’s already left the baby with my parents for the night to go out drinking and personally i couldn’t leave my three month old because my parents said she just cried and im really unsure whether to report her or not and her house smells of dog wee/poo as she’s never home to look after them and that’s not safe for the baby i understand being lonely but she doesn’t need to go to the pub every night her friends could
go
to hers or her she could go to a cafe that has closed doors not sat outside a cold pub and it’s a bit of a rough pub in my opinion

my parents are concerned btw but they say i shouldn’t report her as it’s not fair but i feel how the baby is treated isn’t fair

Avatar

17

Forgiving a partner…

Long story short - found out 2 months ago my partner of almost 10 years has slept with two girls, one of which he’s been seeing for 8 months - during this time I was pregnant with our third child and gave birth. (She had an abortion)
I found out, he cut all ties (still works with her)
I want to try and move on from this, we have three children , and a home… I can’t face the idea of being without my children half the time. I want to try and make things work. But I can’t stop the intrusive thoughts / images of the two of them together…. Any advice if you’ve been in a similar situation?
Sick of feeling this rubbish, also 5 month pp so hormones/confidence is in pieces😣😣😣

Avatar

10

Does anyone else hate their partner?

I’m now a little over 2 months postpartum and I’ve struggled with genuinely just not liking my partner anymore since we found out I was pregnant last year. I catch myself just staring at him with hatred because I’m so sick and tired of his bullshit. He is just now getting a job and has not had one since THANKSGIVING!!! Meanwhile I was working full time until I finally got too sick to be able to work. I genuinely want him out of my house but I depend on him as far as driving goes bc I don’t have a car. I also still love him deep down and don’t want to put him out on the street but he’s driving me genuinely insane. Any advice?

Avatar

1

14

Read more on Peanut