Looking for advice, my MIL calls my daughter her baby…

I would say talk to her DIRECTLY and clearly like stop saying this it’s making me uncomfortable and I won’t allow this further

I honetly feel like it's her way of saying she feels left out and feels that close to the point she feels like that's her baby too. Depending on how your friendship is with the MIL mine I absolutely hate shes a bitch lol. But if yours is sweet and has a really good relationship I wouldn't worry about it. But if she acts like shes trying to take her from you completely. And saying you have to call me mom instead of your mom mom. That's when I would start to draw the shit line they dont wanna cross

I would say yeah, you’re being a little irrational. It’s just a phrase and isn’t meant to be taken as that’s her literal child. People call their dogs their babies or even their spouses, so I guess you could try to think of it like that

Maybe the next time your MIL calls your daughter that simply ask her if her mother use to call her son that when he was a baby, it might just trigger her to think on her own that maybe the way she is saying "my baby" is taking away from you a little.

I completely get this!! I have the same, I think I get so annoyed by it because I’m actually dreading how much she’s going to interfere when baby is here. I just know because of what she’s like she’s going to be really over powering with trying to help and giving advice and getting in a mood when she’s inevitably told to give us some space. It’s not actually the phrase (as such) it’s everything that comes with it for me 😖 you could try and correct her, when she says ‘my baby’ you can nicely just say ‘your grandchild, my baby’ and softly correct her until she understands x

girl i hate when people call my baby their baby idc who they are i carried her not them but mostly bc no body and i mean NOBODY checks on us even during my pregnancy nobody check on me. they ask her dad about her and her dad don’t know shit cuz he’s at work 99% of the time and when he’s home i’m still the one doing everything. call me what you want but it makes my blood boil😂 girl talk to her if she can’t respect that it makes you uncomfortable then i’d distance myself for awhile but that’s just me. my mil disrespects me way to much even during my pregnancy she did and after i had my baby just bc she had all boys and i had the girl she always wanted but never had so i don’t give at fuck about her or her feelings at this point😂

I call my nephews and nieces “my babies” or “Hi baby” it’s not a literal term. It’s an expression of love. ❤️ I love them very much. They know I am not their mother. Even when they call me “mama” they grow out of it very quickly and now all of them call me “Tia.” I think it’s personal. Something else might be bothering you and this might just be the cherry 🍒 that tops it? 🤷🏽‍♀️

I has the exact same problem with my MIL my baby was her first grandchild so she was super excited. She’s very sweet and we have a nice relationship too. As soon as she called my baby hers I instantly stopped it. I would encourage you to talk to her, “I understand you love my baby very much and I’m grateful she has you as a grandma but I would appreciate it if you do not call my children “your babies” they are my babies, you are welcome to say “how is my grandbaby”

That was what helped us, I don’t mind her calling my son her “grand babies” because that’s what he is. He is not her baby. So if you’re okay with her saying that I would encourage her to do it. She’s just very excited and happy and loves her grandchildren but as a mom the babies that came out of my vagina are MY babies lol.

Plus as a FTM I am extremely territorial of my baby, I would feel very jealous if he was on my MIL chest and that’s all extremely valid. We created them, we birthed them, we were one for a very long time even after birth. It is normal as a parent especially a mom to feel territorial of their child.

It sounds irrational TBH

My fiancés grandma does the same thing, it makes me crazy! That, and she’ll say “are you my baby or mom’s baby?” Or she’ll tell her “you’re coming home with me, say bye to mom and dad”. I’ve honestly been trying to figure out how to get her to stop too.

I can relate!!! I don’t like when people call her “my baby.” Like I love that everyone loves her so much but at the same time… no, she’s MY baby

oh heeelll nooo

yeah. his grandma absolutely adores her, which is fine, but she likes to make everything a competition with me and her for no reason. She’s honestly great other than that.

My sister has two kids of her own and when asking for my son she says “where’s my baby” or “how’s baby?” But I don’t find it wrong personally I think it’s a form of expression or love. But that’s just me of course everyone has their own judgement at the end of the days it’s your child so you can decide what you like or don’t like. Like with my sister saying the phrase I obviously know it’s not really her baby, I don’t take it the wrong way.

I think you’re being a bit sensitive, I don’t think she’s trying to make your daughter think she’s her mum, I think she’s just expressing her love for her. Saying ‘baby’ or ‘grandbaby’ I personally see no difference, baby is just shortened. One quick question, if your own mother or someone on your side of the family was saying this would you be annoyed?

Unless there are underlying issues I don’t see the problem with it as it is just a form of endearment

that’s so uncomfortable!!!

I wouldn’t take it too hard unless she starts saying some really crazy crap but it’s really just an expression of love and that the new baby is apart of the family I’ve learned that America has over the years taught us to be more independent then we ever should have been so a comment like that isn’t truly what she means it’s more like instinctual in a sense that this baby is also protected by her as were her children. Take it if you were a teacher or work in a daycare you may catch yourself calling them your children even though they aren’t it’s just this feeling of love, also a need to protect and teach them.

I’m from a culture where literally everyone I know calls my baby theirs lol. I would absolutely lose my mind if I had a problem with it. Seriously my instagram friends ask “how’s my baby?” Lol 😂 I had to get used to it. I say all that to say, she doesn’t actually think the baby is hers. You’re her mom, no one can take that away from you. I understand it’s frustrating but think of it as she loves the baby so much like her own and would do anything for her. Your baby will know you’re her mom trust me.

It takes a village to raise a child, don’t isolate people that love your children by making a big deal out of something that can be overlooked.
As long as they are not dictating what you do and how you raise your child let them call as they see fit. It’s their way of bonding and expressing love.
No one is doubting your motherhood position and you can be glad as so many have no parents around to help or fuss over a baby so count it a blessing.

well said.

I would be annoyed but they don’t.

yeah she lives 4 days or a plane ride away. We have no family here at all it’s just me and my husband.

I personally like my own mum and my nanny saying how’s my boy to me when we talk, to me it shows how much they love him but if you’re uncomfortable with it just talk to her I’m sure she will understand fully and not do it anymore if not then you know it’s a bigger problem and will unfortunately have to set boundaries with her! Hope it goes ok x

I don’t see nothing wrong with it. I know my baby is mine and my baby knows he’s mine. I would get upset if anyone and everyone said “how’s my baby” but close family and the child’s grandparents of course not!! It is territorial. I call my husband “my baby” would his mom or should his mom be mad no! 😝 to each their own but it’s really not a BIG deal.

I actually think she might get offended. She might even see her differently. She mentioned her husband is the only child and only one grandchild. I think her MIL might feel disappointed if she told her not to call her grandson “my baby” at least I would feel a little hurt 😕🫣🤔🥺😔 but at the end of the day it’s your choice. Keep us posted.

Girl, I wish with my entire being that my mom or my husband's mom would even take the time to be involved in their grandkids' lives. I would be thrilled for them to call them their "babies." Your MIL isn't saying your daughter is her baby. She's just expressing how much she loves her. You should cherish that. If you didn't have it, you might wish you did.

Maybe it's pregnancy hormones for you? Because I remember certain things getting to me that now I'm like, really? Yep, that was hormones. Lol.

You will obviously do whatever you think works for you, but if she's great with your kids, I wouldn't recommend burning a really important bridge to your growing family over something like this. Leave and go woosah in another room, and remember what is actually important for YOUR baby, realize no one is taking your baby or your connection with her from you. You're creating an issue where there isn't one. Being a mom is already hard without adding to it unnecessarily. That relationship with grandma is priceless!

very well said.