Is it right to not tell them

Is she not going to see when you have a baby bump? I don’t think that’s fair. What about when you start buying things and his daughter is around?

Red flag in my opinion. Why doesn’t he want his ex to know? Also don’t think it’s fair of his child to find out after baby is born.

It's a very big transition for a young child, I feel waiting a bit would be OK but not saying at all could be a problem

I’d take his lead, if his advice is to take this approach follow it. He probably has his reasons and as things progress with the pregnancy it’ll become something you have to share anyway. This time is special think about yourself and your healthy first. You’re going through enough x

Would she see the baby bump? I dont think you should wait till after the baby is born but maybe wait till later on in the pregnancy

I get not wanting the ex to know, but I think it would be easier on the child to know, even if it’s only a month or so before you give birth, just to give them a chance to get used to the idea/become excited/feel involved. At the end of the day it’s up to both of you and what you think is best, i’d personally feel a bit harsh stepkid coming over and there’s suddenly a sibling there that they didn’t know about!

I told my sd (6yo) at week 10 as I had bad morning sickness and she was worried

Sorry that all sounded harsh, I don’t know the full story but to me it just sounds like you can’t enjoy this new chapter in your life with your SD around which isn’t fair on you x

why does he need to inform his ex.

I wouldn’t say they need to go out of their way to inform their ex, but shouldn’t need to be a secret or kept from her. And if keeping it from the ex means keeping it from the child then there’s a problem there x

How often do you get partners child over? I see why he doesn't want to tell his ex. It's his life he doesn't need to share anything with her other than things that regard their child. Your life is invalid to her life, sorry if that's harsh. And I see why he may not want to share with child. He wants that time with you and the pregnancy. Usually it's the other way round women not want to share with step children and when a man says its wrong.

depends on often the see child. Why is it wrong the dad doesn't to share the pregnancy but when a women suggest it and the man say we need to share it the women get mad. 🤔

Wait until after? Ok but what about if you’re unwell and he can’t have his daughter one weekend? Or she is really unwell and therefore shouldn’t be around you? How’s he explaining that?
What about when labour starts approaching? What if it lands on his weekend to have her? Then what? But also… what if you have an emergency and need to get to hospital asap whilst he has her? Or any of your appointments/scans clash with his time with her?

He is being selfish. The daughter needs to be apart of the transition and be involved too! I’d tell the daughter and let her tell her mum. That’s what we did

That’s a very odd way to approach this. What’s his reasoning?

Just to clear up some things

1. Contact is very sporadic and she often blocks contact

2. They do not get on and she can often be very petty . Especially after we got engaged and then married

3. I don’t feel my husband is hiding anything . I feel that because of her past behaviours he feels that her drama may cause me stress in my pregnancy .

4. They split up very early on . Around the time his daughter was about to turn one so there is no background feelings and she has a new partner

Okay, so now I understand why he’d want to keep it secret.

Overall, how would you feel keeping it a secret?

How much of a secret would it be? As in would you be able to talk about it on social media? With family friends etc

It’s heartbreaking she withholds contact and can understand if his daughter goes back to mums and mentions the pregnancy that I will be turned into some malicious against his daughter (if mum is prone to saying daddy does this etc) and that makes his daughter feel some way towards you and the baby.


If you both think it will turn nasty and will be better for your pregnancy to keep it secret, I would.

You deserve to enjoy this new chapter in your life

in the past she has made comments such as daddy will have another baby to replace you. Obviously these are things I’m hearing now that I’m pregnant.

I have told my family and friends and she’s blocked on all my socials so I guess I could share .

He’s daughter loves babies so I would love to let her know but I do feel her mums actions kinda police mine a little

I am considering getting her grandma to tell her close to the time. Just thinking about people who could control the situation

That’s just disgusting and I understand that

By the sounds of it she is likely to kick off about it anyway (which is just weird) Iv been there with a similar situation with my partners ex.
In my opinion rip the plaster off. Better to get it over and done with before baby is born in the hopes she is “over it” by time baby is here and doesn’t jeopardise the relationship between siblings

never thought of it like that . Thank you very much

I think she’ll cause problems no matter what. It it would be better for the daughter to have time to get used to the idea in advance?

The child need time to process they are going to get a sibling, some children take this really hard. The longer they have to process the better for them. Just make it all about your baby and his baby. Put the children first always ❤️ don’t worry about her just do your best xx

Tbh I kinda “hid” my last pregnancy from a lot of people. Well kinda didn’t, just who needed to know, knew and who didn’t, didn’t. People around town just started saying oh she’s putting on weight. And then a few weeks later had a baby. With your circumstances I can definitely see why he would want to keep it low key. You don’t need that extra stress and drama.
And his daughter is still quite young. I think if you told her closer to the due date she would be so excited and happy about it. Yes it may be a little sad she didn’t experience much of the pregnancy with you but she’s also young enough to probably not dwell on it. When she doesn’t live with you full time.
Honestly, I loved it. I didn’t announce anything. I just did me. And my partner at the time and his family and friends knew as well and we did a small gender reveal with just family. I honestly said if and when I have another child, I will probably keep it low key again. It was just such a nice calm experience.