Desperate mum - help needed please

Heya, sorry you’re struggling, the sleep stuff can be soooo tough and intense. My nearly 9 month old little boy has never slept for long periods either (and currently going through another long phase of waking every hour!) so I really hear you.

I don’t have any magic advice or solutions but wanted to say two things: it’s totally normal for your baby to be doing what they’re doing. Being a Velcro baby is really normal given we’re carrier mammals, it’s where your baby feels safe and happy 🧡. So even when it’s difficult or crazy o clock in the morning, I find reminding myself that I’m making my baby feel warm and safe and loved and that’s a good thing sometimes helps feel less shit about the sleep! Sometimes knowing something is totally normal and you’re not doing anything wrong can help it feel more manageable. Secondly, everything with babies is a phase - the good and the bad! So how your little girl is sleeping now will be a phase too. Knowing that has always helped me

Thanks I appreciate it!
I'm just worried I'm creating a habit where she will only sleep on us long term.
I do keep reminding myself it's a phase but the overnight and lack of sleep is really bloody hard at times! I know I'm lucky she is sleeping at all! I think I needed to just vent...

Most babies don't need holding as much once they gain some self confidence and independence which sadly isn't as early as 3/4 months
All of mine were only happy doing contact naps no contact and they wouldn't even nap lol
But short sleeps are pretty normal at 3 months as much as that's frustrating they were part of you for 9 months 3 months isn't long enough to even recognise they are a different person not a part of you ❤️ makes them all safe and cosy

Most get out of this around 6 months old or at least mine did then they started doing really well in cots
And I didn't even swaddle just contact napped and they just randomly started being fine put down so babies don't really learn it as a habit
Hell my youngest is 18 months and hates being alone and likes being picked up and carried a lot as her personality is just clingy lol like a extra limb 🤣 and she still has slept on her own in a cot from 7 months old

I don't know if you're breastfeeding (it also may not make much difference I don't know 🤷🏼‍♀️, but I can only comment on my experience), but my little boy only started sleeping longer stretches when I stopped breastfeeding overnight at 22 months old. Before he would still wake every 3-4 hrs, since birth, and wouldn't go back down without breastfeeding!
Now he will sleep in longer stretches and sometimes wake for a drink (very weak juice) and will go down to sleep in his little toddler bed at the start of the night 🙂
I literally thought the neverending nights of waking multiple times and breastfeeding would never end, but it does!

this is a very good point! My youngest only did once we started half and half breast milk and formula my others were similar
I only went for as long as my boobs would allow lol 🤣 22 months is astounding

Max I've ever got even with supplements is 8/9 months
But I overproduce for a month or two at the start so I get a month or so time if half and half in bottles lol 🤣

I spent alot of time just letting my baby fall asleep on me and often some nights that's the only way she would sleep... I have 2 older children in the house that I didn't want disturbed so I made a rod for my own back by always taking him downstairs and sleeping on the sofa with him on me... but now he's 10 months old and we tackled sleep training at 9 months when I was back to work and needed sleep... now he sleeps sound from 7pm till 6am/6.30am every night... at the moment... best thing we ever did... they recommend it from a much earlier age so could always look at that...

My baby co-slept around this age as they just need you so much, each to their own and make sure you look at how to co sleep safely but it might just allow you to get some more rest. They’re still so tiny at that age and just want to be close to you xx

Could be worth keeping her up right/on you for a while before putting her down (sorry don’t know if you are) - make sure milks all gone down/settled incase she’s getting a bit uncomfortable.

it can be their startle reflex too so as they get laid down they get a shock whereas swaddle they were all tucked.

My son never worked with a sleep sack as he had such a strong startle and he’s long so it would always get caught, so we used the tog sleepsuits on Sainsburys and still do now at 20 months!

Does she have reflux? Do you tilt the bed?

If mine cries when he's put down it's generally because he's still hungry or cold or has wind.

It was a really long process at that age to get my LO to sleep independently. He would nap on me. Then when he fell asleep, I'd move him over to a sleep nest next to me and watch him sleep. He got used to not being on me to sleep. We had a snuzpod and we swaddled. The sleep sacks were awful for transitioning. I kept him in his swaddle, and during each night wake, when he was already sleepy, I'd loosen it so his arm was free. And did it like that. He is in sleepsacks now he's older and more independent but it took so long to do it. Every tiny little thing helps to make them feel better sleeping. I was prepared to have rubbish sleeps and have to keep redoing things, but now he sleeps through in his own room and gets himself to sleep. Getting there though was a really long slog and it really got me down. Stay consistent xxx

thanks Rebecca, what do you dress your little one in when using the tog sleep suits?

a vest , sleep suit and tog suit - we’ve got the 1.5 and 2.5 ones. Look on vinted/sainsburys! If it’s cold even add socks. He’s a baby that needs all the layers 🤣

Great thank you. Will give it a try 👍🏼