Mamas with depression, anxiety, and other mental health disorders

Haven't slept because of huge guilt and anxiety for shouting at my toddler that she got scared and cried. How do I make it better?

I'm a single SAHM and was super overwhelmed with the newborn crying for feed and I let the housework pile up. My toddler was being extra wingy and I just snapped. Before I knew it my voice echoed and she ran away crying. It was bedtime so we both were exhausted. I held her and cried until she fell asleep and I haven't let go of her for 5 hours I'm wide awake. What have I done? Will I do it again? I'm scared of myself.

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I want you to know you’re not the only mama to have done this, and it doesn’t make you a bad one at all. I’ve done this before with my toddler, and like you I felt horrible about it. I don’t want to be scary mommy and have my daughter be scared of me. So what I did was when I realized she was crying I knelt down to her level and I asked her gently if I had scared her. She said yes, which made my heart ache for her. I held her and I apologized. I told her I was sorry for scaring her with my yelling and that I don’t want to scare her like that. I also said that next time I was getting too upset I would take a time out for myself so that I could be calm and not yell at her like that. I asked her if that sounded like a good idea to her, and she said yes

The two most important things to remember are 1) you are human, and you’ll make mistakes; it’s ok to be imperfect 2) ruptures will happen from time to time —this sort of situation is considered a rupture—but the repair is what matters

most! Making amends and admitting what you did was wrong , as well as stating what you can do differently in the future, can be so so helpful for building a strong relationship. There’s a TED talk where I learned about it, I’m gonna grab the link and post it here because I think you might find it helpful. Sending tons of hugs 🫂

https://youtu.be/PHpPtdk9rco?si=ncUYQU9NL2VvGIXi

This is the TED talk, I think you may find some helpful info here. And remember, making a mistake and yelling at your toddler doesn’t make you a bad person or a bad mom; it makes you a human. Try not to be too hard on yourself, you’re doing a great job ❤️

I appreciate you.
No idea how much your responses mean so much to me 🥲❤️❤️❤️

Oh you’re welcome! If I see someone who’s dealing with something I’ve dealt with or am dealing with, I like to share my experience so that people know they’re not alone. The last thing any of us needs is to feel awful and isolated, especially when there are plenty of people who have gone through the same thing. I think it’s important to normalize sharing challenging experiences, because it’s a great way for us all to better help one another. I’m happy I could do this for you ❤️

You not the only one who done this we moms and we get overwhelmed I yelled at my son his 5 years old cause I find my self cleaning every 5 munit and alot of stress on me and no help and I'm 29 weeks pregnant I'm so tired but then I apologized to him and I told him I love you so it happen sometime it happen

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Baby clothes

Just out of curiosity, why do parents love zipper onesies?

Don’t get me wrong, I tried zipper ones it’s easy to zip in and out when putting it on the first time and taking it out, but I find it difficult when changing diapers especially when baby is asleep.

I prefer those kimono style buttons where it’s easy to button or too down button with crotch snaps.

Is everyone thinking the same or different? Lol

At this point I’m not enjoying motherhood

My 22 month old is horrendous at the moment🫣 biting, hitting, pushing, pulling and shoving not only adults but children he also wants what other children have and will just snatch it away from them.

We repeat ‘nice hands’ ‘be gentle’ ‘let’s share’ etc

But how do I make him understand what he’s doing isn’t very nice? At the end of the day I feel like I’ve just been saying his name all day and nothing else.

What can I do?

This might rattle some people

Ok, this might get a bit long, and a bit bumpy, so get comfy and buckle up.

So about a week or 2 ago, there was a post on here regarding sleepovers. Not letting their child go to them as you can't trust who'll be at the house etc.

Now, given recent incidents in nurseries and schools, plus my own experience back in the 90s, I am more concerned about sending my child to nursery and later school than I am to a friend's house for a sleep over.

The other day a man was jailed for abusing children at the nursery he worked at. A woman has been arrested for sleeping with an underage boy and then getting pregnant by a different underage boy while on bail for the first offence.

Young girls and boys get sexually harassed and bullied when at school, not all of them. But more than you think. And not just by other kids, but by adults who we as parents are trusting to look after our kids.

A sleepover, is a more controlled environment, with only a handful of people coming into contact with your child. A school, a club etc there can be 100s of people coming into contact with your child.

I was targeted at 7 years old by the owner of a prominent private school. Thankfully, I wasn't SA'd. In year 5 of primary school, I started to develop early, I was harassed by the boys and teachers made remarks about how my uniform didn't fit right, always "adjusting it" around my chest and legs.

Years 7-9 of secondary school were hell. But it was all under the guise of "we're just messing around". A teacher twanging my exposed bra strap (none uniform day) is not "messing around".

Boys pinning me down trying to rip open my shirt to see my breasts.

I fear for my daughter. I hope she takes after my father's family, flat chested.

We need to educate all our children, what is acceptable behaviour. And to come to us, as their parents should ANYTHING happen.

Dummy

My baby has had a dummy since about 2 weeks old (now 5 months) and over the course of the last month we weaned her off it during the day only for naps and night (which was fine) and then 5 days took it completely away during the day.

The first day no dummy was fine, the second bit rougher. But now it feels impossible she just moans and cries all the time it takes ages for her to go down to sleep (she’s always been an amazing sleeper)

I thought it was meant to get better as time went on not worse. I’m at my wits end I dunno what to do.

Currently typing this as she screams uncontrollably in the car and I cry with her cos I can’t do anything.

How to help my husband understand why I'd like to breastfeed

My husband is very supportive, but he is also someone who wants to make things as easy and as stress free as possible.

With our first child, I tried to breastfeed, but due to my own medical issues postpartum, baby and I were separated a lot and my milk dried up so quickly. We introduced formula around 2 weeks PP, and I tried pumping as much as I could, but it just lead to nothing. It was heartbreaking. It definitely ruined a lot of those early weeks for me, I was wrecked with guilt and sadness. I cried every day and felt like such a failure.

Now my son is a healthy, happy 2 year old and I eventually came to terms with formula feeding him. He was quite content with the first formula we tried, never had feeding or gas issues etc, so it felt like a much easier option.

Obviously my husband witnessed all of this and now we're expecting our second baby, he sort of assumed we'd just go straight to formula.

I told him pretty early that I'd like to try breastfeeding again, and although I won't be putting so much pressure on myself this time, I've also done more research and I'm more prepared for the hard times that might come up in the early days/weeks, and I'm trying to prepare for any complications.

He's very supportive and says it's totally up to me and hasn't tried to sway me either way, but I do get a feeling the moment things get difficult PP he will automatically be buying formula. And he won't mean it in a bad way, he'll just be trying to make things easier for me and take off the pressure. He won't understand that it's unhelpful.

His thinking is that as long as baby is fed that's all that matters, and I agree mostly! But I also understand how beneficial breastfeeding can be and want to give it all my effort if I'm able!

So I guess I'm asking, are there any good resources I could send him to read? Preferably nothing too long/wordy, but something that explains the benefits and how to best support me during this time too? (Also something preferably from the UK as I know guidance can differ depending on country)

Help

My LO every feed. Drs don’t seem to think it’s a problem the whole Muslim cloth gets soaked so much I’m using towels now. I’ve tried size O teats he gets really frustrated and still spills it out :(