Stay at home mom questions

I would say this doesn’t sound fair at all. There will be down time but especially as naps get shorter there isn’t time to be a house keeper and watch children. My husband works out of the home but I always joke half of his PTO days are mine and I just used one on my birthday to go for a spa day while he took the kids for the day. And with two kids I’m exhausted at the end of the day so he does a bigger chunk of evening time, dinner and dishes. He also takes on a lot during the weekends so I can have a break. But take all that with a grain of salt because I’ve been suffering with PPD and needed so much more help from him.

Whatever you decide it might be useful to preplan for quarterly check ins to discuss if the current arrangement is still working. That would create an easy time to discuss if either partner needs more help. Good luck!

My partner and I have an u spoken rule about sharing baby duty when he’s home. He’s a lighter sleeper than I am so if our son wakes up in the night he gets him. My son also thinks it’s play time as soon as he sees me whereas with my partner he will go back to sleep. When it comes to housework, I do almost all of the cleaning and he takes the garbage out and handles any outside projects. My partner is usually off weekends so Saturdays I sleep in an extra hour or so n he gets up with baby n then sundays he sleeps in. But he will do any chore I ask him to id just rather do it myself so that it “feels clean”. And our bathroom time is fully unmonitored we just trade off baby duty when the other needs to shower,eat, etc. I would talk to your husband about splitting household duties and helping out when needed. Idk if any of this is actually helpful but it is how we manage it all!

Thank you! This is helpful. We were just wondering how others are.

this is super helfpul, I’ll def share this with my husband. Definitely taking a break wiill help me out since I’m pregnant again. We will have a nanny if I can’t take it anymore or mom will stay here to help us.

My husband works and I stay home I do all the household chores and outside chores as well. He is In charge of car maintenance. I do all the shopping and make all meals as well. He doesn't do any night time or diaper changes either. I have him watch him once a month so I can go work to make money to spend on whatever I want. He rarely "helps" with our son unless I'm having a really rough day and need a nap on the weekends and even so it's not long periods of time but it works for us since he pays for everything and goes to work I don't want him to have to get up at night but I would say if I needed a personal day he would watch our son for me to go get a break like he does when I go work which I do for a break really.

I’m a stay at home mom too and I do a majority of the house stuff but I let my husband know when I’m overwhelmed, which happens and he helps me, no question. Our only really structured cleaning duties are if you cook the other person does the dishes. I cook most of the time so my husband typically helps with dishes, sometimes that doesn’t happen and we are flexible.

It sounds like you and your husband need to have a conversation.

Tell him you need help and express your frustration. It really is that simple.

I’m a SAHM too and although I do take care of most of the household and the majority of baby related things, my husband still does the dishes every night, takes out the trash, feds and lets the dogs out and does nighttime feeds and morning milk and diaper change. BUT this is what we agreed on.

So with that being said, it’s completely understandable to tell your husband you need more help from him and talk about a new agreement that works for you both especially now that the baby is here.

Just keep it real with him

Same boat. I stay home with the kids but when I need a break he rolls his sleeves up. You should be reframing the question. Shouldn’t me “he lets me” but basically he’s not being a father . He should want to be with them and take care of you so you and take care of them . Once my husband is done with work he’s takes them for an hour or two then we do bed routine together.

Sounds like when you negotiated the terms of you staying home, you conceded to take on the majority of household chores. I think it’s good to continue to stick to your word but I totally get where you’re coming from. Being a SAHM is a lot. The job is 24hrs a day compared to his paid job. You deserve a break! And there needs to be an understanding that if you and the baby are having a hard day that chores are not as important as keeping you all happy emotionally. Personally I think your husband does need to spend more time with the baby for bonding purposes. I’d use this to your advantage..that’s what I do with my husband. When he’s done with work, he gets to shower and then it’s time for him to spend time with his son. Praise your husband when they interact.. say I love seeing you two together (in a sincere way) comment on how much the baby smiles when they’re together. Build him up so that he is more willing to seek out that one on one time with the baby and you can have alone time.