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First time mums

Postpartum anxiety

I gave birth to my little one 13 months ago I had the baby blues and I was in denial about postparum depression but my friend reached out who also had a baby and said she thought I might have it but I was in big denial thinking it’s just normal constant worries I’ve been really struggling with postparum anxiety I’ve a seen a gp and agreed I would go to therapy but it’s been months now since I’ve last spoke tp my gp I can’t seem to get myself there or to therapy I’ve really bad social anxiety and I’m worried about leaving my baby for the duration being in therapy I’ve major guilt that I was in denial for so long and that I get so upset so easily. My partner and my mum think going to therapy is a bad idea both for different reasons.

I feel like sick to my stomach heart palpitations and I feel like I start to panic freeze and sweaty with stress when someone is holding or touching my little one especially his hair or top of his head because of his soft spot.

I worry about people being too rough with him even if it’s just gentle playing.
I talk to my partner about all my worries but I feel like he gets angry with me and dismiss any worries I have. Or he takes my worries as a personal attack especially that my worries are about his parents and his family around my little one. I worry that people just won’t know how to be careful with him and I worry what if they get frustrated with him and I worry what if they will hurt him I know it’s all irrational but I can’t get past it and end up having a panic attack.

I still struggle to eat during the day because I’m worried about my little one trying to make sure his needs are met because of this i lose my appetite until my partner comes home from work.

I’ve been struggle to sleep because I’m awake exhausted worrying about the way my baby sleeps or analysing what went on during the day.

When it’s morning I end up so exhausted I can barely get up and my partner ends up late for work every morning.

My little one still doesn’t sleep through the night he wakes regularly too.

I’m so stressed and worried all the time and the free time I have I don’t want to do any of my old hobbies I just stress and pick at my hair scalp and face I know it’s so gross.

I’ve been struggling to brush my teeth wash my hair take showers my hair ends up so matted by the time I do take a shower. I’ve lost so much hair. I end up biting off so much skin off my lips too till they bleed and I don’t even realise it till I taste the blood.