Overstepping their advice! (long read)
My MIL continuously makes us feel like awful parents, we just got back from Morocco for the week Friday night. She demanded to see her grandson the following morning and we got back at midnight the night before. LB starting teething while we were at hers (he's 8 months and was fine the whole holiday but obvs we packed calpol and powder incase) and we naively left it at home. She starts calling us twats and idiots and saying "silly mummy and daddy" to our son.
I landed from a 6hr flight with a baby less than 12hrs ago and we would've unpacked if you didn't demand to see us ASAP!!
Secondly we said we will convert him to Cows milk when he is one and she gives the whole "no he needs toddler milk there's no nutrients you don't know what you're doing".
I'm back to work in 4 weeks and she is looking after him twice a week "I dont want my grandson in nursery full time they're awful" so following the milk conversation said "when he's with me I will make sure he has powdered toddler milk wether you like it or not he will have his needs met by me" to which my partner said well if you can't respect what we want to do with our son then you won't be having him on your own as that will mess with his belly giving him Cows milk and toddler milk. To which she went on the stereotype of "don't talk to me like that I'm your mother and doing you a favour ur not doing me one by me looking after him".
Basically what do I do here? She's a fantastic grandma but I'm totally not comfortable with the attitude of that (she believes in Cosleeping and hates that we do baby led weening already so what else will she do behind our backs??)
Any advice?
The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.
Learn more about our guidelines.
I sent my husband to the bedroom with our son and told my mother in law that she had no rights as a grandmother she had privileges that could be revoked at any time, and told her to get out of my house. That resolved it and now she isn’t demanding for disrespectful
Also remind her that is your son before he is your grandson and you will make the decisions, she has absolutely no say unless you give her one
I would set a firm boundary here. Your sons welfare, what he eats/drinks, sleeping arrangements and everything is no one else decision or business but you and your partners. Final. I would say, you either do things our way or we’ll make other arrangements. Also, she isn’t ’doing you a favour’ it’s a privilege to be in her grandsons life and have that time with him. If she’s not willing to respect the way you do things then she doesn’t deserve to have any grandparent privileges. You need to be strong here, this MIL is massively overstepping her mark here and treading on thin ice by the sounds of it.
I wouldn’t be leaving my LO with a grandparent that outright said they aren’t going to listen to you. I think you need to be extremely firm with her when she makes those comments and let her know you are confident in your parenting capabilities and her opinions aren’t needed or wanted.
After that conversation I would just not let LO stay in her care and look at other options. You need someone that will respect you and your boundaries. What else would she do? What id if comes to a medical disagreement and she refused to give the medicine needed. Like she is already disregarding you guys as parents and not respecting. I could not trust someone like that.
I would also just start limitimg visits with her. That was really rude and disrespectful of her.
Download the Peanut App
