Husband blaming me for "spoiling" our baby

He is talking complete rubbish. I am sorry you're having to deal with this, sending you strength and love! ❤️

Ah hunni. I won't go into why it's impossible to spoil a baby as you clearly know but pretty much every baby I've met is the same as yours. I know some people that sleep train and they don't have it any easier really either. The baby that is able to sleep alone with no help is a rare one. It's a shame your husband won't listen to the facts xx

You cannot spoil a baby with love and comfort. The fact that she likes contact naps from you means she sees you as a safe space when she’s comfortable. This phase won’t last forever so enjoy all the baby cuddles while you can.
I hate this concept of spoiling a baby with comfort and forcing them to self soothe, it’s so harsh and unreasonable. Babies don’t even realise they are a separate person from their mother for the first 6/9 months of their life.
Listen to your mommy instincts and you’ll have a secure and happy child when your baby grows up.

Regardless of the spoiling argument. Don’t you think he might just be sad (and then throwing a tantrum) that he is “disposable”?
Coming at this from the female side, it would make ME very sad if baby would “only want me” and dad couldn’t have the same type of trust/attachment with baby.
I mean, my baby isn’t born yet so maybe I am being idealistic. But I find it sad actually when kids only want one parent…

i agree! I appreciate your point of view. It would be very difficult probably for him to deal with. I do encourage him to spend as much time with her as possible. He has issues (like most men tend to) with focusing on her for more than 10 mins. He will play with her then sit her down and do his own thing most of the time. I feel that is something that could be improved on that he isn't fixing. Unfortunately though, babies tend to attach more to one parent in their first year as part of their survival instinct. This can be switched up over time to who is their "favourite" person but I think it's just designed to bond them to their main protector.

Totally normal for a baby to want the parent who spends most time with her. He can’t really complain if he only gives her 10 min of his attention. Sorry to say this but he’s the one acting like a spoilt brat. I’m so sick of these men not even bothering to do any real research into what’s normal for a baby, and not put real effort in, then criticise the mum. You are totally doing what’s best for your baby! Keep doing what you’re doing. And I can’t blame you if it’s changing your feelings towards him, I’d feel the same. I’d also have some strong words with the MIL if I heard her call my baby spoilt. 😡

It's actually very normal for babies to go through phases where they only want one parent. You will see you when your baby is born, lol.

That advice doesn't related to the OP's post, but I'm just letting you know that that shouldn't make you sad, it's very normal

Been through the exact situation with my second one. It does hurt when you listen that you are spoiling your baby when you are the one who is doing all the work and ppl just come and make a comment.. In my opinion Do what works best for you and baby. If your baby needs you she needs you full stop. Eventually it gets easier trust me. And just ignore them. Do not argue or say anything just ignore. I think men don’t understand and they will never be able to understand so dont waste your time and energy in explaining to them.

I have no advice but to say your husband sounds awful. I hope this is an isolated incident because I would probably be taking a hard look at the man I'm married to. How are you two going to make future decisions about your baby when you can't agree on something excited with basic as not spoiling would love?

Also my baby will be one in 2 weeks and he only contact apps and we co sleep. My husband is very supportive and loves contact napping with him on the weekends when he's home.

thanks! That is actually good to know!
I think I will struggle with this one though… 🙈😂

I’m sorry you’re going through this. Hit your husband with a few facts. Children go through sleep regressions and what worked before, won’t work. You get to find new ways to navigate. There is a 9 month sleep regression last for a certain amount of weeks. There’ll be another one here in a few months so he’ll have to get used to it. It’s all part of your child’s growth. Is it tiresome? Absolutely. Will it pass? 100%

What helped my husband and I during this time was the Happy Sleeper book. You can get it on Amazon in physical form or on Audible to listen to. Also on Spotify to listen to! You’re able to jump right the 9month section for help.

Your husband can chill tf out and stop acting like you’re both not going through this together.

You’ve got this mama. Remember, you can’t spoil a baby, you’re doing a good job, you’re awesome.

You. Can't. Spoil. A. Baby. With. Love.

TBH sounds like your husband is a lazy parent as he is getting so worked up over not learning how to get his kid to sleep on his own 🤷 how I do things is different to how my husband does them and it's FINE as long as our kid is happy and healthy at the end of the day.

You can't spoil a baby 🙄

Scientifically you can’t spoil a baby. Your daughter thinks she is a part of you, she was in your belly for 9 months after all. A baby also can’t reason so she doesn’t even understand the concept of „getting her way“ by being spoiled. All she understands is that you are her entire world, her safe space. In all non industrialised nations it’s actually normal for moms to carry their babies all day for the first year which is also why research shows babies in those countries barely ever cry. What you are doing is absolutely NORMAL, it’s just our westernised society that has forgotten what is actually normal/natural and repeatedly assigns babies more responsibility than they should have. Your daughter is lucky you stand your ground! It will lead to a much more emotionally stable person down the line vs a baby that’s being abandoned when in need and no one comes to help ❤️

some babies have those needs without a catalyst whatsoever, and some babies prefer the cot even though mom would prefer to contact nap. I really think it has little to do with influence. Also, you should tell him this is just temporary anyway. Whatever frustrations he has with her infant sleeping preferences will not be an issue pretty soon and he’ll maybe even miss the days where she wanted to be more dependent! It’s borderline abusive language to call an infant a spoiled brat. It seems like maybe former generations *ahem* 👀 were denied affection and contact and forced to cry it out and they feel that it’s righteous for all babies to have to do so.

Because babies don't talk yet, all they understand is the feeling of comfort, warm and safe, ignorant people speak like "spoiling" or "baby is manipulating" hate those terms used to argue with my partner for that, he stopped eventually. Sorry you have to deal with this unreasonable person.

You 👏 can’t 👏 spoil 👏 a 👏 BABY

He is acting like a baby about this, but he may have a better time connecting and helping when the baby is older. My son still prefers me for bed at 2, but my husband can do it too.