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Mamas with depression, anxiety, and other mental health disorders

Partner throws that “he’s the one that works” in my face when asked to help with LO

Feeling incredibly defeated right now, sorry in advance for the very long rant.

I just jokingly asked my partner if he could feed our daughter in the morning as I fell asleep putting her down earlier and now (at 2am) I’m not tired enough to go to bed yet. He said “why? Because you’re gonna stay up too late and regret it in the morning?” I said no, just that I’m not tired yet and jokingly added that I don’t ask him to do it often. He pointed out that he works to provide for us and asked “do you not think it’s a fair trade?”. I said forget it and that I don’t want the fact that I don’t work thrown in my face like always. He walked off to bed saying “well now I’m kinda pissed because I feel like I’m pretty lenient around here” which really irked me. Lenient??

I’m not working so I can see where he’s coming from. On the other hand though our daughter eats 4/5 times a day so of the 28-30 times a week that she needs a bottle I ask him once, maybe 2 times a week MAX to feed her so I can get a shower in or sleep a little later than 8am. He works from home and starts at 9:30 and I’m up at 7:30/8:00 to warm the bottle, feed her, play and get her back down for a nap (which she needs me to lay down with her for). For the morning naps I want to get back up to be productive but she wakes up if I try to leave or even move my arm slightly so I still don’t feel that well rested. I stay up until 2/3 most nights because it’s the only time I get to do something for me as she’s finally out by 10pm.

I feed her, make the formula, wash the bottles, change the diapers, do the dishes, give the baths, get her to sleep, try to pick up all while not being back to my normal happy self quite yet and struggling immensely with loneliness. I thought about seeing a therapist but there’s no time in the day for me to do it. I feel like in almost 6 months of her being born the only time I consistently got help was in the first month or two as I recovered from the c-section. I just want him to recognize that what I’m doing is not completely “nothing”.

I just don’t know what to do anymore. I bring up couples therapy and he shuts it down acting insulted that I’d even suggest it. Then when we aren’t fighting and I calmly bring up our fights he claims we never fight. I love my daughter and I’m beyond happy to spend time with her. She’s my entire world and there’s nothing more I love than our quality time together and the smiles and giggles as a reward. I just want the tiniest break from the burnout. Just an extra morning to sleep in or be able to start reading a book I’ve wanted to start for 3 months. Or some help without having to ask because I get a sigh if I ask him to just start warming her bottle. I just want to stop feeling like a robot that has no energy to do the things that I want to do for me too.