Am I being gaslit??
My partner has managed to spin him messaging other girls as my fault for not giving him enough love, attention and appreciation and him looking for validation. Which now the outcome of this fall out is that I’m not doing enough. I told him he doesn’t tell me when he’s feeling unloved and self conscious etc and we’ve been at this place before - it’s always when I’m confronted him that he spins it that actually it’s because I’m not doing x y and z that he doesn’t tell me about that he then does what he does.
Initially he snapped at me for falling out with him saying ‘well clearly you’re too good for me so I’ll just leave’.
He hasn’t yet said anything about me going on him phone but I straight up told him I went on your phone and looked. (I just had a gut feeling and knew he’d lie to me)
He blames it on ‘one line’. We fell out last weekend as he took it then and lied about it but I can always tell from his behaviour. He has a history of addiction issue with this drug and he’s been doing really well but now he’s blaming it on me.
Things have calmed down, we talked and he asked me to give him more. I’ve asked him to listen better as he makes out I never say thank you or tell him I love him first. I’ve also said he needs to talk to me too, doesn’t matter what he’s feeling about it but I can’t change if he doesn’t tell me what the problem is. I warned him that if this carries on then we are going to be done.
Our relationship got pretty horrendous last year and it became robotic just living our lives to get through. Neither of us happy. I was very depressed because of him but we’ve managed to sort it and been okay for a few months but now we’re back to this and I’m not prepared to spend months going through it again
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Yes that's gaslighting. He's taking no responsibility for his own actions and making it ur fault. It's not ur fault it's his choice! He chooses to talk to other women, he chooses to not talk to u n he chooses to be disrespectful. U need to choose a better life. If this is a recurring issue that tells me it won't change. He will keep doing it n blaming it on u. Its NOT ur fault, even if ur not showing him the things he needs he should choose to talk to u not seek validation from others. Would it be okay for u to do the same?? No he would probably freak out. If u wanna make it work id say talk to him tell him ur not willing to put up with this anymore if ur that unhappy tho is say cut ur losses and move on. U deserve to be loved fully and unconditionally. X
Well if he’s needs are not being met, it’s not 100% gaslighting.
He could also say that you are neglecting him.
I think neglecting would be a bit far. He just doesn’t actually listen or pay attention properly when I do. Or if it’s not the way he wants to be thanked or praised for things then he hasn’t communicated that to me.
We have agreed we need to remember each other cannot read minds and we need to say things out loud and raise our problems too
I worry this as a few times now he has turned something I have brought up against him to be about me. But then I believe I am the problem so if I change then he’ll change
Sorry to say he's anarssasist. Ive dealt with plenty of men like him... worse one is me father
@Krystal it would NOT matter if she were "neglecting" him. He could be a grown man and break up then or COMMUNICATE rather then cheat, lie, and hide things.
agreed, I simply wanted to make sure both partners are aware that it’s important for both of them to feel like their needs are met (union wise and freedom wise).
And often it takes communication, good understanding of self and willingness to cooperate.
So.. it's somehow your fault that he's a cheater. This relationship is going nowhere.
It sounds like it won't matter if you are, or transform yourself into, the richest, prettiest, smartest or most loving in the world. This guy is more interested in himself. So he will always make it out that somehow you are at fault no matter what.
It is a psychological issue that will not change with time or any amount of conversations and he is incapable of recognising or fixing it. Crazy people don't think they are crazy. Also drug use can cause and exasperate existing mental health issues.
If you want a happy, stable and healthy future, I would look into moving on from this relationship. I'm sure you both will find happiness but sometimes that happiness is by not being with each other.
I only had to read the first sentence to see this is absolutely gaslighting and get out now.. it’s not going to get better
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