Venting

My husband and I just got into an argument and I don’t know how to feel about it. I gave birth two months ago and we’ve had sex 2 times because it hurts and I don’t have the desire to. I’m so exhausted all the time. I go to school and try to adapt to having a new little baby in our family. He said I don’t touch him and he feels like he is just a money machine that need to bring money to take care of us. I don’t know if I’m being horrible because I feel like I’m going through a lot and I told him but he just keeps coming back to the same thing. I don’t give him what he wants. Is there something wrong with me because I’d not feel like having intimacy? I don’t see him as a money machine and he made me feel so guilty. I wish I could start working rn and stop school and figure out a way to bring some more money. I feel like he was my best friend that would protect me from everything but now he just hurts me and attacks me.

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Just give it some time it’s a stressful time but if you start seeing signs he is talking to someone else because of the intimacy issues then definitely say something! It is not your fault and there is nothing wrong with you if he can’t except the fact that intimacy isn’t the top priority then he needs to get his priorities straight

first of all you are totally valid for not wanting to have sex and there’s nothing wrong with you for not wanting to. You’re tired, I’m sure over stimulated, and your hormones are still all over the place. My first question would be, do you feel like he genuinely feels that way or do you feel like it’s a way to guilt trip you into having sex? I saw a video that made me stop and think, that motherhood is extremely exhausting for mothers and lonely for fathers. Maybe he misses you and yearns for a connection. I’m definitely not making excuses for you to feel like you need to have sex, but maybe he misses you and desires a connection. I know I get so wrapped up in our baby I realize that I haven’t given my husband the time of day. But you are also not at fault for anything at all, at this time you are being stretched so thin. Maybe you could have a conversation with him about how you miss him as well and how you can tackle things differently to give you guys more alone time💗

But if you feel like he is coming from a more physical standpoint I’d definitely talk with him about how you guys are in a point where sex just isn’t your main focus and that if he continues to push it, it will drive a wedge between the two of you. You will initiate it when you are ready💗you are much more than sex

Going to play devils advocate here - as the one in my relationship who is absolutely craving the sexual intimacy (8wks pp), the few times we've had sex just aren't enough for me. I genuinely miss our very healthy sex life. My husband is super attentive and helpful with everything baby related, and never skips a beat on letting me know how much I mean to him, but he just feels like I need the space to heal and fully recover from birth, as well as not getting pregnant again so soon (we do natural family planning, so until my cycle picks back up, its not as easy to do). But I digress. I empathize with your husband, because I have very similar feelings and statements, due to the lack of sexual intimacy. I feel alone, unloved, and ignored. It feels like my husband doesn't touch me as much, or the same.

I have also been on the flip side with past births/relationships, where I absolutely did not want anything to do with sex for months and months. So I do get that side as well.

I will say, from someone who had a breakdown the night before last, due to all of that, it is so hard to process that the person you love the most doesn't desire you like that any more. It's crushing. I'm not saying do something you don't want to do, but if you have any desire whatsoever, find a way to connect with him like that. It really does make a huge difference. Good luck! 💕 🤗

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