Struggling with 4 year olds behaviour

We are really struggling with our 4 year olds behaviour. It is just vile. We have tried to discipline, to reward good behaviour, take toys away, star charts, treats/rewards, naughty step etc but nothing seems to work. It has definitely gotten worse since he had a baby brother but I just don’t know what to do. He gets everything, we both spend lots of one on one time with him, we are constantly trying to understand how he is feeling and why he behaves the way he does. He is very attached to me and tries to hurt his brother whenever he comes near me. He bites me, my husband and even tries to hurt the cat. If we try to punish him (eg by taking something away) he just screams and throws a huge tantrum so we end up spending all night trying to calm him down. He won’t let me and my husband talk, constantly shouting over us if we try to have a conversation. It’s putting a strain on us as we are both just so stressed by the end of the evening. I know that developmentally some of this is normal but I just don’t know what to do. I dread the evenings when I pick him up from nursery and feel so bad on my baby who is exposed to all of this. He doesn’t have any developmental issues and according to nursery gets on fine there. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks for reading.

in our community

Is this normal?

Is it just my husband that does this? He is able to work from home via his computer and in the mornings and evenings he is on there doing his job. When he is done for the day he tends to stay in the room and either play video games or watch something. He will occasionally come out and play with the girls for a few minutes and that’s it but when I really need him he says he is busy. My daughters are both 1 year old now and I am just wondering how much involvement should he have with them now?
Idk if this is the norm or not…..

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And yes I do bring different toys I bring snacks I play songs try to distract her other ways but for the sake of not losing my mind on this move I think this is best.

-A very overwhelmed and anxious to move mama 😓

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