Can’t let go of babydad

i’m sorry :( i know it’s so hard and it isn’t your fault this has happened. i know from experience it had to be taken out of my hands/control for it to end. if a friend or family member could intervene on behalf of you to break the cycle it may be best. because of what you’ve been through it’s incredibly hard to break a trauma bond without going back especially having children with the person. either a professional or loved one may have to step up with you/for you on this one and consider therapy long term for your healing because they kill our self esteem/self worth x

Sending you lots of love.

I can only advice you talk to God in prayers to show you the way and wisdom to go about things.

I was vulnerable too sometime in my life, spoke to therapist, friends & family but none of the advice they gave helped even though they were great advice.

I then went to talk to God in prayers to help me out and I start listening to Bible preachings on youtube and thats how God turned everything around by removing the toxic person in my life and instantly replacing with my husband now so yeah this was my own testimony and solution.

You need to understand how important knowing your self worth is . You are degrading yourself as a woman and blocking your blessings for better opportunities. You know what type of man he is so why do you continue to settle for that ? Is that what you like ? Is that what you want your kids to see and accept? Your in a place where you don’t love yourself because if you did you wouldn’t willingly admit to knowning all of this and still sticking around . I’m sorry I’m very blunt . You need to elevate yourself and gain emotional and mental support anc walk away once and for all or else your life will turn out miserable..women need to normalize stop looking dumb for 1 man when it’s millions out here . You’ll find somebody else but you need to learn self worth and learn to love yourself first before you think about a relationship..

Once you set standards and boundaries within yourself you’ll never settle for less again !

Temptation ain’t nothing but the devil showing you how weak you can be for that man that obviously doesn’t love or respect you !

Hey!
I was with my kids dad for 11 years and i was mentally abused belittled all in front of my kids.. sorry to say this but they will never change u have to set boundaries otherwise they will try and control the kids best decision i made was to leave him for me and my kids sakes.. now 3 years on in a healthy relationship and happy xx

I’m really sorry you are going through all this. If you are close with God draw closer to him in moments like this when you can’t rely on your own strength. I just left an abusive relationship, very controlling, and manipulative. I’m currently pregnant it was hard but I tried to think about how many blessings were being blocked because of me staying in that situation. This is not my first time leaving either, sometimes it takes a few times to finally build the strength. The fact that you are able to acknowledge all this and how it’s a cycle also says a lot so give yourself credit for that.

Have you talked to a therapist yet. Idk what they have in your area but usually any type of abuse they have women’s centers for dv and they offer free therapy sessions. Lean on support!

I also found it helpful to really take time out and write out the pros and cons of me staying, and the pros and cons of me leaving. When I looked at that list it also helped shift my perspective. Never settle

Turn to God ✨& Therapy if you can

Oh girl, I went through the same. 5 years and a son later it actually took him to 'break up' with me (used to do this regularly so I begged for him back) for me to actually accept it and say enough is enough. Best thing that ever happened.
I can't say it's not hard and often think the easy thing would to be to just go back, but I just have to look at my son and remember thats not the example I want for a relationship in front of him.
Lean on people around you, make a plan of where you and the kids will go and get out of there xx

When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

Your fuckin up your kids staying with him. If you can't let go of him, there may be a day you have no choice and let go of your kids. PTSD is real. PTSD can lead to suicide.

If you won’t do it for yourself, please do it for your kids!!!! I can’t stress enough the mental and emotional impact abuse can have on children. I hope you find your self worth because you are worth so much better but for now do what’s best for your babies.

I used to feel like I’d be nothing without my first love. The best way to get out of that is no contact!!! It’s gonna be very hard and you can allow yourself to be down but the longer you go no contact the better it gets until you’re back to YOU. The you before him.

This guy ma video might make you feel heard and understood. He has solid advice.

https://youtu.be/xl6Hz87TIFA?si=TsU6Kmgrm3KViplS

You have to find the inner strength to take your kids and go! Do you want your kids to see your relationship and want that in their future? No. It’ll really hard especially at first but if you stand your ground you’ll see that your bd is just a weak man. I know first hand I just moved out from my bd about a week ago, my inbox is open I’m here for you, you got this hun!

Men do what you allow, & treat you how you let them & unfortunately it sounds like you allow the bare minimum. Time to boss up & move on. Be the mom you’d want.

For verbal and emotional abuse proof, it's your documentation. Write down when and what happened. Including how you felt is extremely important.

we don’t stay together and we’re not together haven’t been together in awhile however what I need to stop allowing him to do is coming over my my place in the name of seeing the kids so he can get to me in whatever way that may be. I already have PTSD as I didn’t post everything I’ve been through but I have decided to keep him away from my home for starters and cut all communication unless it’s about the babies

I can take blunt as for I’m not here for pity but for advice as mentioned in my post. I don’t know why I’ve settled. I don’t understand the logistics of a trauma bond but what I can say is I’ve been at spiritual warfare because of it. I’ve had insecurities since a child but at almost 28 I am learning and unlearning. My life has been miserable and I’m endlessly looking for ways to escape it but truly I just need to reconnect with Jesus & let him renew me fully.

right and with no contact I struggle with it because if we go to court he can use that against me but if we didn’t have children he would’ve beeeeeen blocked and left behind idk what it is about the children that has made the tie stronger

& you know what? I’m not afraid to admit that I have begged for bare minimum like just communication, or to be seen and felt. So yeah I have accepted and been operating in breadcrumbs because that’s all they give until you catch on to what’s going on and you walk away.

yes please 🙏. Jesus is the only way. Life in Christ is without crisis. His the only way.

I’m praying for you tonight from London and God will surely come through for you.

Every forces whatsoever that’s against you and your progress is broken today in Jesus might name Amen.

As you’ve come out here openly without shame because it takes alot for one openly seek for help and also admitting where they are wrong.

So I stand in faith with you and declare as you’ve openly voiced out, from your mouth to God’s ear in Jesus name Amen!

It’s well with you

thank you so much 🤍

you’re welcome 🙏

and the first step is taking accountability so it’s a good thing your able to realize and understand the position your in . Now it’s about deducting yourself from that situation and making a better life for you and your kids . I will pray for you and I hope all turns out well . I really do hope you get away because a lot of females tend to get sucked back in

that’s been the issue. I allow myself to get sucked back into the toxic cycle and sometimes I initiate it because of the longing of intimacy but yeah ain’t no shame in my game, I have to take accountability enable for me to move forward. I’m trying to detach from the false narrative that he’ll change and the abuse will stop and I think that will render me freedom! I’m taking it day by day but my heart and soul is aching none stop but I am thankful that this pain is temporary and I will see it through in the name of Jesus. I appreciate your words 🤍